Monthly Archives: March 2020

Mar 30

Reshveen Rajendran – Idiocy in Options Trading for Income

By Marcus Neo | Personal Finance

This is a review of a value investing seminar I attended years ago. It’s taught by Reshveen Rajendran. You can find his website at MillionDollarRush.Com. Here are the reasons I am publishing it after all these years: 1) I’m much more educated in financial markets today. 2) I researched my rights as a consumer. 3) I avoided writing negative reviews for the fear of potential legal action taken against me. 4) I decided to balls up. I am also exasperated at Singapore’s investment education industry pitching flamboyant theories that don’t work in real life to prey on unknowledgeable public. I got nothing against education. I am all for it. However, when you’re teaching the wrong information leveraging on the knowledge gap and using unethical marketing strategies: over promising, and under delivery, I got a problem with that.

How Did I Sign Up in The First Place?

So why did I sign up in the first place? I was a naive person in my early twenties. I wanted the short cuts. I wanted the quick answer to the financial markets. I also knew most of the programs in that market were extremely expensive: charging up to 5000 dollars for a seat. Since Reshveen Rajendran’s program was relatively cheaper than what the market was offering, I gladly participated along with a couple of other factors:

  • Reshveen was recommended by a friend (social bias here)
  • He safely assured me that doing 10% a month on my portfolio was easy and many others including himself has achieved those returns
  • The course’s irresistible marketing angle was: generate ‘part time’ income as a student.

Now, before I’m accused of making false claims here. I’ll back it up. The following pieces of information are taken from his Facebook page and his website’s blog post.

The Review of Reshveen Rajendran’s Course 

The instruction taught in the course was entry level. The course promoted using options to generate ‘insurance premium’ on underlying assets. It serves as a ‘monthly cashflow’. This wasn’t substantiated by the course instructor in his profit or loss statement. For the ones more financially savvy, you’ll know that options don’t always expire and there’s a possibility of it being exercised. Since you can’t predict the market, you can’t guarantee a cash flow from premiums generated from selling options.

Secondly, in the instruction, commodities were also recommended by the instructor as an investing vehicle. This goes against the fundamental principle of value investing. The fundamental principle of value investing is purchasing companies when their prices are traded below their intrinsic value. Commodities are entirely different from companies.

Thirdly, to claim that your ‘6 figure’ equities portfolio generates you a passive income is highly suspicious. Now, assuming you built a portfolio around the highest paying dividend yield stocks in Singapore. The average yield would be approximately 5-7%. You’re required to have one million dollars invested to have a dividend income of 6%, $60000 annually, which adds up to $5000 per month. That’s a million dollar account, alongside with the assumption that you’re invested in the highest dividend stocks for the last 10 years and the companies pay out dividends regularly. 

Lastly to cite a quote from his blog:

My returns have been very substantial with 5 -7% compounding growth every month!

– Million Dollar Rush Blog

Let’s take an average of 6% compounded growth on a $10000 starting account balance, you’ll end with $20121.96 at the end of 12 months. You’ll achieve a 201.21% per annum returns. Let’s compare these returns to actual, audited investing track records.

  • Warren Buffet’s Track Record

Everybody favourite uncle: Warren Buffet. His returns are 23.8% compounded per annum.

  • Charlie Munger’s Track Record

Vice CEO of Berkshire Hathaway, partner to Warren Buffet. Charlie Munger’s compounded returns: 19.8% per annum.

  • Walter Schloss’s Track Record

Referred by Warren Buffet to be one of the greatest value investors ever lived. Walter Schloss’s compounded Returns: 16.1% Per Annum.

Here’s the reference. You could argue that Buffet claimed that he could achieve 50% returns per annum handling smaller amounts of capital. However, I’m sure Buffet himself never claim he could generate 201% in a year, much less this trainer.

Selling Put Options as a Strategy to Own Undervalue Stock

You’re required to have some basic options trading knowledge and experience to understand the following.

One of the theories proposed by the instructor is that you are able to sell put options to generate cashflow and to potentially own undervalued stocks at at a discount. Firstly, not all stocks have an options market at the price at which you valued it to be your purchase price. Secondly, not all stocks have an options market trading far out of the money. The majority of stocks are trading ‘at the money’. It’s barely worth selling a put option when it’s valued near ‘at the money’ (it’s better to own the stock itself, since it’s undervalued in the first place right?)

Henceforth, the entire notion of selling options to 1) own an undervalued stock. 2) generate free cash flow that leads to passive income, is absurd.

The Lack of Empirical Evidence

I don’t make these arguments without evidence. I’ll retract this article if there’s new evidence supported: audited or non-audited profit and loss sheets: namely the trainer’s profit and loss statements and trades.

Years ago, I negotiated with the trainer for a full refund of my course fees, citing the evidence and stating the mentioned case studies. However, he outrightly refused and cited that I haven’t applied any of his instruction on my end and am unable demand a refund of his course fees as it would be unreasonable. Ironically, I took it upon myself to test out his methods. I also took it upon myself to do acquire investing knowledge independently of his course material and instruction. 

Note: If you’re looking to sue me, there is a difference between online defamation and a negative product or service review. I present my case with basic mathematics, supporting evidence and no intention to accuse or character assassinate the company nor trainer.

2020 update: Low cost index fund investing has gotten me a far better returns that actively managing capital for the last 7 years. No fancy options trading or theories. Statistically, the individual is not going to outperform the market. No, you’re not a Buffet or a Munger. No, you’re not special. No, you’re not going to generate an income selling options. Unfortunately, the trainer is still going around selling the same program to the public at scale.

References:

https://www8.gsb.columbia.edu/articles/columbia-business/superinvestors

Mar 19

How to Tell If She Wants You to Make a Move – 3 Signals

By Marcus Neo | Dating and Relationships

I consider having better social/ dating skills than the average Joe after doing this for so many years. However, I’m still flabbergasted at times at how poor I am at deciphering if a girl is attract  or or not. The signals women give can be quite confusing at times. Some women show it openly with strong eye contact, and some don’t. Some show it through being around you and some show it by shying away from you. How can you really tell if a women is attracted to you?

How to Tell if She Wants You to Make a Move – Indicators of Interest

  • Positive Signals

Indicators of positive interest can range from hair flicking, strong eye contact, her making excuses to spend time with you or her. She reciprocates your signs of interest. Some more overt interest includes her asking you your number, initiating physical touch with you or invite you out with her friends. She may ask you a lot of questions and seem genuinely interested in you.

I’ll also argue if you’re looking to dating high quality women that get hit on almost everyday of their life, it boils down to subtlety. Subtleties be displayed in the form of stealing tiny glances at you and then looking away almost immediately. Whether it’s intentional or not, it doesn’t matter. Your ability to notice and play along with these subtleties is something you develop with experience. Chances are, if reading this article, the majority of success you had with women only happened because she initiated. In my experience, a lot of women, especially hot women, won’t initiate with you, not account for the cultural pressure to wait for the man to initiate.

This brings me to the next category.

  • Neutral Signals

Typically, a man knows within a couple of seconds if he’s sexually attracted to a woman or not. Women aren’t like that. They are often quite unsure about a man and need to be swayed on way or another. The majority of girls you approach are going to fit into the neutral category. She doesn’t seem interested or doesn’t seem particular uninterested. If you touch her on her back, she will not move away, however, she may not give you any signal that she likes it. She may agree to come back to yours, however, when you make your advances, she pushes your hands off.

The most important thing to note is that women do not ever stay inis category. They’ll eventually become receptive or unreceptive. If you’re not going to make a move, she’s going fall into the unreceptive category.

  • Negative Signals 

Negative signals can come in the form of wanting to bring her friend along when you ask her out for coffee. If you approach her by the bar and she tells you she wants to spend time with her friends, then she’s unreceptive. It’s important to note that a lot of sexual attraction is fleeting. You might have a lot of attraction going for you with a girl at the night club and she totally forgets you the next day.

This can also come multiple reasons. You’re of lower status that her. She is already in a committed relationship that she’s happy in. You guys may be completely incompatible.

Lastly, don’t be biased about indicators of interest. If a girl isn’t into you, then see it for what it is and move on. If you find yourself conjuring up reasons as to why she’s interested in you, then you’re probably on the wrong track.

What if She’s Acting all Quiet and Shy? 

In the modern world of dating advice, many forward thinking dating coaches for men have came forward with the idea that the biggest indicator of interest is if a girl is still there with you. If a girl is standing beside you, whether she’s quiet or openly flirting, it’s a sign of an indicator of interest. I used to think that a girl will always openly show that she likes you. Only then, I would only be able to move the interaction forward. That might be true for Western cultures, however, in an Asian centric dating culture, a lot of women are shy and reserved in displaying affection.

There were dates that I went out on that didn’t ‘seem right’. There weren’t any of the obvious hair flicking or flirty touching. They’re often quiet and somewhat little introverted. I thought they were plain disinterested. However, that isn’t always the case. The fact that a girl is willing to spend a Saturday noon with me demonstrated that she’s already interested. She just felt a reserved around me.

To put things in perspective, think of the time when you were a teenager and you had this huge crush on this girl. Every time she walked by, you felt stifled and you don’t know what to say. You would just stand there, dumbfounded, silent and quiet. This is especially true if you’re an attractive individual yourself. If you have good game, that can make girls and others naturally feel reserved around you initially.

The Biggest Indicator of Interest: She’s There With You

When getting good with women, you’re often told to dress well and fix your body language. You might think: I have done all this work by investing in myself, why isn’t she marrying me on the spot right away? Naturally, you’ll think that putting all this work will lead to a smooth sailing social interactions, right? This may lead to you to have higher expectations of your interactions with girls and people.

This isn’t often the case. On the flip side, from the girl’s point of view, she may perceive you as an attractive individual that she feels shy being around. No matter how many suits you purchase or the deodorant you wear, understand that girls are human’s beings too. They feel shy or stifled and that social interactions are imperfect by nature.

So, ultimately, what gives? How can you tell if she’s interested and wants you to make a move or not: 1) she’s quiet and attentive 2) if she’s flirting openly with you back and forth. Here’s where experience kicks in. One of the ways is to observe and listen to why she does or says something. Everyone has different emotional needs.

She could be shy and reserved around you but outgoing around her friends. So ask yourself, why is she only outgoing around her friends? Could she be shy around someone she’s interested in? Instead of seeing it as disinterest, that could be an indicator that she’s interested in you.On the flip side, some girls are shy in group settings, but may be expressive around you and is able to open up to you.  There was a girl I date that was really sweet around me. However, as she and I were around her friends, she acted the total opposite of prim and proper.

How to Really Know if She Wants You to Make a Move

If you’re not sure if a woman is attracted to you, or that you think you’re stuck in the ‘neutral’ category. The best way find out if a woman is attracted to you is to move the interaction forward. You can sit on the fences, debilitating your next move for months…. OR… you can find out the truth. Not by trying to over analyse the hundred and one indicators of interest, but by acting on them. 

This means being moving the interaction forward deliberately to a more sexual and romantic one. It’s also forcing her make a decision about how she actually feels about you. This can be as simple asking her for her number, asking her out on a date or being more sexually aggressive in your interaction with her.

You don’t want to waste time on women who are a time sink. You’re rarely going to change the mind of a women who’s not interested in you. Yes, you can lay off for a period of time and then come back and try again, with a new identity. However, in my personal experience, it rarely works in that way. You’re better off meeting someone else.

This is why you’re recommended to pursue women from your own personal values. You approach and talk to her because it’s your personal values to pursue women you desire. Whether she rejects you or not, it doesn’t matter, these actions are an expression of your values.

When you’re upfront and honest about your desires, there’ll be a percentage of women that are going to say no. That’s fine, take the rejection on the chin and move. This saves you wasting time, effort and needless mind games of asking yourself if she’s attracted to you on not.

Mar 18

How to Get Laid – The Emotionally Healthy Guide to Casual Sex

By Marcus Neo | Dating and Relationships

If you want to get laid, let’s just say you got to be minimally sexually attractive to women. You’ll still have to get your social skillsets down, dress well, have good body language, understand female psychology, understand where to meet women, how to approach them, take them out on a date and all of that ‘hard work’.

There’s also a misconception that all girls desire long term relationships before being willing to sleep with you. Now, whilst the majority of men attempts to manipulate their way into a girl’s pants, you’re going to be the minority is actually able to communicate with her and lay out expectations in vulnerable manner. 

Now, there is going a demographic of girls that’ll strictly believe in sex after marriage. No, despite all the crazy dating advice out there tells you,, you can’t actually change someone’s values overnight. You’re going to be hitting up against the wall, no matter how smart you think your lines or techniques works. It rarely works, if even at all. 

The Emotionally Healthy Guide to Casual Sex 

There’s a quote by entrepreneur Tim Ferris who said: a person’s success in a life can usually be measured by the number of uncomfortable conversations he or she is willing to have. This is true especially when it comes to setting out expectations and boundaries in your dating life.

  • Be Empathetic about It

Basically, be 100% open about sex and talk about sex openly. This can mean be willing to say that you find her attractive and want to have sex with her. If she asks you about if you see this going into a relationship, don’t fucking say yes just for the sake of getting into her pants. Please don’t. Have some fucking self respect and ethics. Paradoxically, it’s this self respect and ethics that gets a girl to open up. 

Up till this day, I’m proud of the fact that I’ve never mislead any girls before. Honesty as a strategy is also a value I want to stress that I want to enforce as a dating coach.

She’s not going to feel like a slut if you’re honest about your desires with her. In fact, she’s going to feel the opposite, she’s going to feel you’re a human being and that you for care to a certain extent. You can say that you don’t know and you aren’t looking for a committed relationship at this point of time. 

There are multiple reasons why you do not want to have a committed relationship. This can be because of work, travel, difference in geographical location or you just want to explore your options. 

For years straight on, when I get asked that question: I simply say I don’t know, and that was true. I liked the person I was seeing a lot, however, it’s just that I was unsure about myself in general and wasn’t sure if I wanted to be in a committed relationship. 

If she asks you about you being a player or the number of girls you’ve slept with, you can simply say that that’s none of her business. 

When you’re upfront and honest about your desires, you’ll remove a lot of the necessary mind games. There’s no need to pressure anyone into doing something that they don’t want to do. 

However, vulnerability need not be confused with commitment or attachment. It’s possible to experience a powerful connection with a woman and never desire long term commitment with one another. 

  • Don’t Have Double Standards

Secondly, you aren’t in an exclusive relationship. You’re free to date others and she’s free to see others as well. There shouldn’t be any jealousy involved. 

Talk Openly about It and Have Empathy

The term last minute resistance or ‘LMR’ is commonly used in the pick up artist community.

It’s when girls resist last minute when she’s already in your room or bed. I’ve had these situations three-four times throughout my dating career. The solution to this isn’t to use some technique to trick her into sleeping with you (although that can work, there are ways to play on people’s fear of loss and abandonment, remember the freeze out technique?).

It’s vulnerability. It is to empathize with her. 

It is to ask her if she’s comfortable with you. Is she looking for a long term relationship? Does she feel uncomfortable to hook up before a relationship/marriage? What are her values?

I once had a girl over and she said: ‘We’re not going to have sex’. I immediately replied: ‘Yup, we aren’t.’ I was totally chill about it. To be honest, it’s a turn off to me when sex is forced or manipulated. Spoiler: she and I end up doing it anyways.

Take Responsibility of The Situation

There is a difference between in the perception of casual sex in Eastern and Western cultures. This is largely, and hugely ignored in the dating advice industry. This is something I stress upon time and time again, but nobody seems to listen. 

You need to take into the account of sexual shame in Eastern cultures. Relationships, love, intimacy isn’t exactly openly discussed over dinner tables in my own family growing up, I can’t remember the last time. I used to think this is a problem exclusive to my family. However, it’s not. It’s a cultural issue.

Look, I’m not saying that it’s completely different. The fundamentals of how to attract women are the similar. However, how you actually go about doing it.

Honesty is a cornerstone my philosophy in attracting women. However, it’s important to note that Asian cultures are much more sensitive in nature. If you are too ‘honest’ in your interactions, it might come off as rude, insensitive, blunt, even if don’t mean it to be. 

When starting out, I went with the cocky funny type of personality. I mean, that’s what you read in pick up artist books right? I gradually noticed cocky funny jokes only works on girls who are more liberal minded. It didn’t really click with the majority of the women in Singapore.

Like it or not, women (and human beings) are influenced by cultural values. Consciously or subconsciously, when evaluating potential partners, girls do take these values into account. They don’t want the cocky funny asshole player that they invite home for family dinners or bring him to meet her friends. 

The Anti Slut Defence

One of the defining philosophies that was born out of the pick up artist community is the idea that you got to understand the ‘anti slut defence’. In modern society’s eyes, if a girl hooks up with a guy, she’s a slut. If a guy hooks up with a girl, he’s a champion. It’s a double standard by modern society that makes sex, dating and relationships complicated and confusing. 

If she makes a move on you, she’s a slut for doing so. This is why girls in conservative cultures are going to be more passive when letting you know that she’s interested in you.

You got to come from a mind frame that if she hooks up with you, it’s your responsibility. It’s not her fault, responsibility at all. If you take all responsibility away from her, she’s allowed to blame you or external circumstances when you make your sexual advances. She’s able to justify it amongst her friends. 

The guys that got ‘good game’ go to lengths to make sure she’s not perceived as a slut. They are socially aware of what’s happening around them. This means only kissing her when her friends are not around, knowing when to make the right excuses and being empathetic about her current mood and feelings. If you’re looking for casual sex with a woman, she must have to have something to say about you to their friends. Their opinions matter. They needy to justify their behaviours to their friends why they went with you, hooked up with you and date you.

I see guys from the pick up artist community trying out routines such as handshakes or using bombastic pick up lines. The point isn’t to go over the board with your fanciful routines or a ‘high value’ portrayal, but to be empathetic, at the same time displaying that you are someone with strong boundaries and you are acting our of your values. 

Understanding how to hook up in an Eastern culture is going to take time and patience. If you’re not into long term relationships, be prepared that you got to invest time, effort and emotions into the dating game. This can mean going for 2-3 dates before hitting home run. This means going extra lengths showing her that you too care for her as a human being.

How to Get Her Back to Your Place

If you are dressing well, hitting the gym, getting your studies right, having friends that you enjoy with being, being interested in your job and having hobbies going for you. Ultimately if you come from a standpoint of emotional needs for status, connection and security that an ideal boyfriend will. You’re may be that empathetic yet high value male that she’ll break all rules for you. 

There’s no need to outrightly verbalize: let’s go home and fuck. I know, in this blog I advocate honesty, but not radical honesty. If you’re verbalizing everything, you’re also showing a lack of vulnerability and social intelligence. That’s unattractive and a turn off for women. It shows that you aren’t able to put yourself out there emotionally and have to somewhat verbalize and justify your sexual advances.

Now, assuming you’re on your third date, you guys are already making out, then the next logical step is sex. Some men are often faced with the problem of staying with their parents. I recommend ironing out this problem out with your parents. It’s the matured thing to do.

I remembered that I would awkwardly drive my Dad’s car to my place without asking her if she wants so to come after a date near a bar at my place. The general rule of getting her back to yours isn’t to ask her. It’s to lead. It’s to make the interaction subtle and socially intelligent. Finding an excuse to get her back to yours is a socially intelligent way to do it. You can stock up on alcohol at yours and then ask her over for drinks.

Okay, assuming the sex really isn’t going to happen. It’s past midnight and are you going to let her stay? I used to be alright with girls coming over and not wanting to hook up. I even rationalised it as ‘at least I got someone to hug to sleep.’ That was due to my lack of boundaries at that point in time. However, these days, if nothing is going to go down, I’ll politely ask her to leave.

The Art of Being a Hard Closer

If you’ve always perceived yourself as a nice person, then you must be willing to be slightly pushy and willing to piss off some people around you. If you’ve always believed yourself to be extremely attractive and your dating life isn’t something that you need to put work into, then by letting go of these beliefs, you’re now free to actively create new opportunities for yourself.

Only by letting go of certain stories you tell yourself, that you’re free to pull the trigger. You’re free to go out, take action and face eventual failure/ success. 

How to End things with Zero Drama

If you’re looking to hook up with a friend of a friend of a friend. Then keeping your mouth shut about dating her is going to help lower the potential cost of her hooking up with you. This is especially true for an Asian cultured society like Singapore. She doesn’t want others around her and you to know about you guys dating.

I used to purposely take a girl out of University grounds just for the sole purpose of not letting others know that we’re dating. Hooking up through social circles are the majority’s strategies to get laid. One way to get good at this is to have a wide social circle of friends. However, if you’re like me that doesn’t enjoy the mindless politics in maintaining social circles, then you might want to learn how to approach girls in the day and night clubs.

Normally, a guy is more invested before sex and a girl is less invested before sex. The power dynamic of the relationship flips after sex.  You’re no longer chasing her, and normally, she’s the one chasing you. The length of how long you’re able to be friends with benefits with each other depends on various factors. It’ll depend on both party’s abilities to keep things perfectly casual, which is tough. 

The power of choice that a woman had (whether to have sex or note) switches over to the man (whether to commit or not). If this power dynamic doesn’t switch, it usually a sign of neediness in the man and her attraction for him will not last. 

Let’s be honest here, one side will give way and want more out of the relationship. It’s no longer about the sex. Now, it’s about identity and attachment. So, assuming you’re not in it for the long run, how do you end a casual relationship on drama free note? 

If either of you aren’t ready for a committed relationship, the solution is to have a clean break, or take a break from have a purely sexual relationship. This means setting strong boundaries, setting expectations clear and for Christ’s sake: stick it to it. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve watched friends go back and forth with one girl. It’s confusing to look at and it often leads to a shit pool of un-needed drama.  

 

Mar 17

How to Pick up Girls in Clubs and Bars – The Ultimate Guide

By Marcus Neo | Dating and Relationships

 The majority of the guys will never approach a girl on the dance floor, or anywhere else in the club. They’ll loiter around her on the dance floor, attempting to grind up on her, or waiting for her to grind up on him. Is there a structure in picking up girls in clubs? Yes, and no. There is’s structure you can when picking up girls in clubs. If you want to meet girls in the the club, a lot of it is down to window opportunity and balls. You have to get through everyone in the crowd and go talk to her.

How to Pick up Girls in Clubs and Bars: Pre Party

You need to prepare for your nights, instead of spearheading in head on. 

  • Have Socially Savvy People to go Out With

When I started out, I invested in a dating coach for men and networked with other like minded individuals to go out with almost every other weekend. I made it a point to reach out to others to be more social. One way is to join social communities and forums and meet other guys who are serious about going out and meeting girls. 

There were occasions when the usual friends that I club with aren’t available on Friday or Saturdays to hit the clubs. Since, I’m someone who enjoys going to parties and events and make it a point to at least go once a week. I make it point to reach out to a group of friends who aren’t in my immediate circle.

  • Dress Well

Dressing well automatically puts you in the ‘cool guy’ category that and someone of influence. It makes social interactions and starting conversations a lot much easier. You’ll have more influence over the immediate social settings around you. I’d also like to mention that dressing well doesn’t just affect your own social interactions, but it also helps you feel more confident. 

  • The Positive Dominance Mind-set

You have a goal. The goal isn’t to ‘be social’, the goal is to go out and meet a girl. However, at the same time, you don’t want to be overly pushy. I call this the positive dominance mind set. One part of being masculine is being grounded. You’re not prancing around emotionally like a little girl. 

You’re strong, but relaxed. When you’re dominant, you start taking charge of leading interactions, not giving a fuck, taking girls by the hands, leading them to the dance floor etc. This helps you dictate the flow of social interactions. 

When you’re positively dominant, people are going to subconsciously (or consciously) look at you to make decisions within the group. Not to mention that leadership is an attractive trait to girls. You’re going to put yourself in a position to be seen as the guy who’s leading the interaction. 

Smiling helps a lot when approaching. You’re not giving people or girls an excuse to outright reject you. 

  • Being Social Throughout the Night

One other thing I learned about approaching girls in night clubs is that people wait too long to be social and to be in a social interaction. One of the advice from the pick up artist community that works quite well for approaching in the night club is to make sure you’re always in an interaction.

Your results can be maximized this way. This helps in social momentum as well. When you’ve gotten over your first few rough approaches, socializing and meeting new people becomes natural and fun. When you combine the adrenaline of approaching an attractive girl. These gives you a higher probability of succeeding. 

  • Have Fun!

When we’re going about our day, many of us are in a logical headspace, either from school or work. For months straight, I was either writing for the blog or catching up with academic duties. It can really hurt your social muscles.

Socializing is a creative activity. It is NOT a logical activity. In addition to that, thinking and obsessing too much about pick up technique or theory can mess your head up. How I deal with a logical headspace is to get into a social headspace by chatting with my friends, strangers, Hi 5-ing people in the club, having fun in general.

The ultimate rule of them all: bring fun to others. This includes your wingmen, your buddies, your friends and the new people you meet in a club. Think about it, why would others want to meet you unless you bring something to the table? If someone who dresses poorly just came up to you and creep up to you, you’re probably going to reject him or her. 

Flip that around and put yourself in the shoes of others. 

Ask yourself this: what’s valued in a night club situation?

Connections, fun, friends and alcohol. Unless you’re popping bottles (and your bank account) then you’d better be having fun and introducing people to each other. When you’re talking to strangers, approach attractive girls, and introducing them to each other, you automatically put yourself in a favourable position. You become the guy that everyone wants to know. 

If you feel good, the people around you will feel good. If you feel sexy, the girl around you will feel sexy as well.

Lastly, it’s common for someone to put himself under a fuck ton of pressure when going out. Unless you’re the kind of person that performs under pressure, it’s merely going to work against you.  I’m not huge into inner game self-talk. It’s unnecessary. 

Understanding the Flow of the night

Now, once you got all of that preparation down, you can plan your strategies according to the flow of the night. 

When you’re relying on your emotional state to approach, you’re going to burn out even before the night begins.  

The club is a chaotic place with people moving around, the influence of alcohol, drunk friends and pretty girls to talk to. You got to embrace the chaos. However, at the same time, you’ve got to have structure. Finding the balance is the sweet spot.

Having a rough picture of how a night should go and flow can help you wrestle back control, and start implementing what you need to do at different point of the night.

Figure Out The Sequence of the Night

  • Pre-Party

Depending on your lifestyle and your friends, you might be meeting up for dinner or pre-drinks before that. 

  • 1130 pm to 1230am

When you’re going in early at around 1130pm, this will allow you be start approaching in a social manner. This is the time where clubs aren’t that crowded yet. 

The ideal would be just to go in and start talking to the small groups of people and warm up socially. You’re rarely going to get a girl interested in you off the bat around this time. This time is about building some connections, getting some phone numbers, having a little bit of fun, and just letting lose a little.

  • 1230am to 230am

This is the point where you hit it hard and find interactions to commit to. This is where most ‘game’ comes into play. You’re approaching a lot, you’re getting rejected and you’re finding that one or two quality interactions that you’re going to commit to for the rest of the night. 

It’s rare that she’s going to be alone. She’s going to be with her friends, both male and female. You’re going to spend the majority of your time winning over the influence of her friends, asserting yourself with her and getting her to subtlety signal to her friends that she likes you, and wants to be with you. You’re going to go from stranger, to somebody who has mutual affection and interest in her. 

  • 230am Onwards

Ideally, you’ve also collate a list of numbers you’ve gotten for the earlier on. You can start texting them to gauge their level of interest and go for the ones that are highest likely to go back with you.

You’re also being more polarizing and finding out where you and she stand in the interaction you are in. 

This is the point where you’re ideally with a girl that likes you a lot and her friends are comfortable with you being around her (and potentially bringing her home). You’ve established to her and her friends that you’re interested in her sexually and her friends are alright with that.

Getting there is the part where ‘game’ comes in. It’s a fine balance between socially empathetic and socially dominant.

  • Taking Her Home 

Ideally, you’ve found a girl that’s interested in you sexually. She downs to have fun, her friends aren’t in your way and she knows how to deal with it. This is the part where you take full responsibility and you lead. This is done by finding excuses for her to go ahead with her friends and finding excuses for her to come back to yours. 

When you’ve figured out the rough outline of meeting women in clubs, you have an structural advantage the majority who doesn’t know what they’re doing. I see guys attempting to ‘day game’ from 1am to 2am. It’s ridiculous. What makes you thing some random stranger outside the club is going to go back with you? She’s probably on her way to another club, or on her way to meet her friends. Your chances are best IN the club. 

There is chaos in meeting women through night clubs, however, there’s an underlying structure beneath all of it.

How to Flirt in Clubs: Cold Read and Tease

Firstly, keep your sentences short and sweet. There’s no need to roll some golden shit off your mouth. The words that actually tumble of your mouth don’t really matter. Your intentions are going to matter more than the words said. 

Girls are fairly intuitive creatures and they can figure out your intentions. Girls don’t hear what you’re saying verbally, but your intentions. You can say whatever you want to, but your intentions are always louder than what you say verbally. 

Whatever that rolls off your mouth in the club, your intentions are going to say: I like you, that’s why I’m talking to you. She’s going to know what’s up.

Just in case, if you don’t know how to start a conversation with a stranger. Here are my two favourite lines:

“Hi, I’m Marcus”
“Hi, I just want to say Hi”

That’s it. Plain and simple. 

You got be comfortable at approaching strangers and striking a 5 minutes’ conversations. There’s a social momentum with it. Move on quickly from interactions that don’t go anywhere. Getting the initial approach down is just a small portion of the picture. It’s what you do for the next 5 minutes in the interaction that matters. 

The clubs are noisy, with loud music. You can’t talk much and you have to rely a lot on short sentences. People are there to have fun and not to have meaningful or deep conversations. I’m a nerd and enjoy nerdy conversations. However, in a club, you got to stick to short sentences, good body language, and physicality.

The club is not a great place to have long conversations, hence it’s important to know how to flirt with her physically.

Flirting with her physically is accomplished using non verbal communications. When you’re cold reading and teasing her, you should also standing really close to her. You can then touch her lightly on the elbows or waist, to gauge how receptive she is to your advances. Teasing her also shows sexual intent and interest

“You seem like a really friendly person, what’s with that shocked look on your face?”

There was a point where I was cold reading too much in the club. I had to fine tune my approaches. I had to limit my interactions to one cold read for the purpose to break the ice, and then move on to teases, role playing and flirting with her physically right off the bat.  If the girl likes you, she’ll be okay with you touching her.

Being Physical: Flirt and Get Physical Right Off the Bat

In a cold interaction, it’s on you to lead the interaction. You have to lead verbally, emotionally, physically and logistically. Girls, especially Asian girls, are not going to give you an inch of space. That’s because it’s deemed slutty or creepy for a girl to initiate a conversation. She’ll be afraid of how other girls will judge her in that moment if she initiated. 

Furthermore, the hotter girls are never going to lead for you. That’s because they get approached on all the time and are rarely at the leading of the interaction where they have to take charge. 

Here are some quick examples: 

“You can be my little sister.” + Hug.
“I’m kidding, you’re awesome.” + Hug

The push pull dynamic should be complimented with shoulder hugs or waist hugs. Rinse and repeat this process and you’ll get an emotionally charged interaction.

Touching a girl in the club also has got a lot to do with just grabbing it by the balls and being physical with a girl. Pulling the trigger and polarizing the interaction is more one of the key aspects of picking up girls in the clubs. 

However, it’s important to note that some guys go up and are immediately are too physical with the girl. That might get you massive attraction off the bat, but it’s not socially smooth and it’ll hurt chances continuity in the interaction. 

I know someone who can barely string a proper English sentence together. However, he approaches girls and claws them in with his muscular frame and attempts to kiss them within the first minute of the interaction. It’s a bold approach that polarizes girls immediately. 

You can also lead her to the dance floor to get physically intimate with her. It’s also a potential place to make out with her. However, there are just some girls that won’t go to the dance floor because she might just want to stick to her friends, or her friends might judge her for going to the dance floor with a guy and etc.

One tip I found out is to never ask, but to attempt to lead her physically. Just grab her by the hand, and get her to follow.

Re-approaching Her and Giving Her Space and Time 

More often than not, girls aren’t really receptive at the start of the night. They also won’t go home with you when they’ve just entered the club. They want to drink, hang out with friends, party a little, have a crazy story when they’re out with a couple of friends. You’re most probably not going to get much results from your initial interaction with her.

So what happens if you’re not making out with her at the start of the night? It’s simple, you get her contact number, leave the interaction, and talk to your friends or other girls. You can leave all your interactions, and re-approach her later. 

The entire club becomes your friend. You not only make new friends, but now, you have some social proof that you can leverage on to make more friends, and look popular and awesome in her eyes. 

One other common mistake I see is guys grabbing her and touching her on the get go when approaching. That’s great. That’s actually recommended. However, it’s not about just grabbing and touching her, it’s about calibration. Remember, two steps forward and one step back. 

In general, guys know immediately whether we want to have sex with a girl in a couple of seconds. Women require more time and information to make a decision on that. When you give her space, and show that you have empathy, you already stand out from 99% of the male population.  That’s also an attractive trait.

This can be demonstrated using statements like: ‘I understand how you feel’, ‘If I’m being too pushy, let me know’. 

Handling Her Friends

Some times, I hang out with a couple of guys from the pick up community, they’ll have intense battle plans and tactics before going into the club. They’ll select out their wings, come up with customized plans to ‘distract her friends’. It’s also known as the ‘isolation’ tactic that many dating coaches preach. 

Girls, especially the hot ones are going to be hitting the clubs as an entourage. They also feel safer and secure with their friends, so let them be! 

Secondly, what does it say about your value as a man if you have to resort to such tactics in order to get her attracted to you. It just merely means that you aren’t enough, and that you need to ‘distract’ her friends in order for her to like you. 

The better way to do it is to win the influence of her and her friends. It’s also a more sustainable manner.

I know, some times the friends of girls can be a major cock block. I’ve been there multiple times. The best strategy is to often kill them with kindness. Talk to the fat friend. Imagine how she feels when her friend always gets all the attention when they go out to the club and she gets completely ignored.

Some times, things may not go your way. She may be overly invested in her friend’s opinion of her rather than actually having fun in the club and meeting people. If two people lead a codependent relationship, there’s not much you can do to convince them otherwise. They’re not right for you, you simply have to move on. 

The first rule of social skillsets is this: make it fun! Come from a point of adding value to someone’s night. Don’t be a social leech. Bring fun and add something to the group.

If you’re dressed well, and are having a good time and experience good emotions, you’ll automatically feel good and be able to ‘add’ to the fun of someone else’s night. 

Talk to her guy friends and acknowledge them. If you notice something cool about someone, be it a guy or not, then say it. It’ll show that you have social intelligence. Furthermore, everyone likes to be appreciated and talked to

Most of the times, the most beautiful girl will have the highest social value in the group. The group will more or less compliant to her. Sometimes, you won’t actually have to win her friends over, as they are all following her lead in the interaction.

However, that’s not always the case. It’s your job to lead in conversation, physicality, and logistically. How good you do this will determine if the rest of the group would comply or tell you to fuck off. 

You’ll have to aware of the self-interest of everyone at given point of time. What are their intentions and behavior? What do they want? Do they like the same girl as you do, and if so, how are you going to manoeuvre yourself in a socially savvy manner to get the girl that you want.

Here are the general guidelines when faced with confrontations: 

  • Kill Them With Kindness
  • Make Him Look Like He or She One Taking Out all The Fun
  • Move On to The Next Interaction
  • Hook Them up with Someone Else

One other thing that helps a lot with immediate influence is your dress sense. If you’re dressed like you’re an influence, people will defer and give you more leeway in social settings. Lastly, there’s no way about it. Getting good at this requires guts and rejection. You’re going to piss someone off in the process of getting what you want out of interactions. You cannot please everyone.

How to Pick up Girls on The Dancefloor

The dancefloor in the club can be considered the meet markets of the club. Think about it, the tables are for huge social groups. The bar is for people to get drinks. The dancefloor is actually the place where girls and guys go to meet each other. It’s rare to find a guy approaching outside the dancefloor. Even if so, if he’s to approach in the dancefloor, it’s normally through body language, and less words.

  • First Rule is To Have Fun

Having a ton of fun and putting on a smile on your face is the first step to attracting more attention on the dancefloor.

Approaching a girl on on the dancefloor is either through body language or just going up to say Hi. There’re no other forms of communications that I’m aware of.

  • Less Words more Dancing

The dance floor is a messy place, with guys, girls, music and all of that jumping. It’s close to impossible to have a verbal interaction on the dance floor. The dance floor is where you have to approach strong and make your prescene known.

You’re going to have problems in talking in long sentences. Short sentences like saying Hi, and asking her for her name is alright. The key is to get physical as fast as possible. Either with shoulder hugs, dancing beside her, or grinding behind her.

  • Lead Like Your Life Depends on It

Don’t ask for permission to move. Just grab her by the hand and go to the dance floor. The majority of pick up is just grabbing life by the balls and just doing it. It’s assumed attraction.

  • Speaking with Your Body: Physically Escalating on Her Fast

Unless she’s really into you, it’s not a good strategy to just go up behind her and grinding her.

Even if so, there so many objections: her friends, she doesn’t know you, she doesn’t even know your name. It’s better to dance beside with light shoulder touches be a way to flirt on the dance floor, and then move on from there. If they are comfortable with that, then move behind them. If they’re comfortable with you being behind them, then make a move by holding her waist. 

You can also strike minimal conversation to stand out. 

Once you’ve ‘opened’ using body language or verbally, it’s time to escalate and lead. Firstly, dance by her side. Then escalate by putting your hands on her shoulder or her waist. Then proceed, to dance behind her. Then turn her around with her facing you. Then the make-out.

The rule of thumb is similar to all other interactions: always be leading.

Learning how to pick up girls on the dance floor is a subtlety. Sometimes you approach verbally and say Hi, before dancing. Other times, you approach physically (dancing) and say Hi.

Think about it. The guys that don’t know about ‘game’ is still getting results in the clubs in spite of having ‘no game’. They don’t think about fanciful openers, role plays, or intricate push/pull techniques.

They merely rely on their gut and go for it.

Our social brains are evolved to pick up signals from the opposite sex. It’s just that because of past negative experiences, traumas or conditioning, we then convince ourselves with our own stories that somehow we’re not good enough, not attractive enough and that “she’s probably not interested in me”.

I used to think that there’s an ‘escalation’ ladder when it comes to touching girls. However, there are many times that you end up kissing a girl without even holding her hands or hugging her even. Emotions occur in the moment. 

  • Not Putting Her on a Pedestal

One other big insights I had from picking up girls on the dancefloor is that most of us put hot girls on the pedestal. This is especially so in the club where a vagina is somewhat the most valued currency, second to the guys splashing their cash on tables and drinks to impress the girls.

Combine this with just about every other mainstream advertising campaign that’s where you get pussy being put on the pedestal.

This is where techniques and lines has it’s limits. It’s our own self worth, our own beliefs of our attractability, and out own beliefs about people, girls and ourselves that hold us back.

  • How to Handle her Friends?

There are going to be instances where you’ll get rejected. Her friends will pull her away and give you a creep stare. It happens a lot, especially in more conservative cultures. Here’s the truth: you can’t control other people’s behaviour. You can only control your own behaviour.

The rule of thumb is to make friends with her friends. Be friendly, yet assertive. This takes a little intuition. Look at her body language, is she worried about what her friends think? Is she looking for approval from her friends. If so, you should then adjust and befriend her friends.

On other occasions, I think it’s alright to just go for it. If she’s alright with it, her friends will be alright with it.

Like all other areas of getting good with girls. You’re not going to do well on the dancefloor if you don’t have your basics such as body language and your fashion sense down. Intentions are also a big part of picking up girls on the dancefloor. Some times, I see guys approaching girls like mechanically like machines, most of the time it just doesn’t turn out well. 

How to Take Her Home

The principles on how to take a girl home from the club is similar to how to take girls home in general. You got lead like your life depends on it and relieve her of the pressure of feeling like a slut. 

So what are the signs?

If you’re making out heavily and she’s all over you. It’s safe to say that she’s down. Some other signs include: she isolates herself from her friends with you, she’s willing to take your lead or she’s willing to grab supper with you. This can only be found out by leading in the interaction. This can be accomplished by making leading statements: let’s grab supper. Grab her hand, and lead without apology. You got to be fully responsible for seducing her. 

Mar 16

How to Keep a Conversation Going with a Girl Over Text

By Marcus Neo | Dating and Relationships

Here’s a general rule of thumb: your texts should where the social interaction was left off. If you’re rushing to work, approached her and only had a two minutes’ interaction, then you’re expected to text a little bit more before asking her out for coffee. If you’ve already built a great connection with her during the first time you met her, then it’s not expected for you to text a lot. Questions to ask yourself: Is she attracted to you already? How well do you know each other? Which part of the interaction are you at? What are the underlying assumptions in your interaction?

How to Keep a Conversation Going with a Girl Over Text: Three Strategies

  • Call Back Humour

You can stand out through your first text by referring to something funny you had during your initial interaction with her when you first met. It commonly referred to as the call back humour.

“Rachel the Chinese teacher! Don’t stay out too late, you have more Sun Tze philosophies to brainwash unwilling teenagers.’

  • Tease to Keep the Conversation Going and to Find Level of Interest

Check out my guide on teasing, you should be able to get creative with role plays, push-pull and misinterpretations.

  • General Rule of Thumb 

In your text messages, you need to keep it playful, light-hearted in the beginning and see how things flow from there. You should not try to make plans too early on, avoid going into interview mode, such as asking logical questions. Only go for the meetups using the soft close if there’s she’s flirting with you to and fro on the phone.

One important philosophy when it comes to texting is to keep in mind that time is your ally. One mistake I often make is to go to the meet up too early. This might work in Westernized cultures. However, in some cultures, especially Asian ones, girls love to text and going for it is merely going to get you rejected. You also need to calibrate in accordance to context, a lot of the material you find online can be quite ‘Westernized’ and you can come un-calibrated in an Asian setting.

How to Keep a Conversation Going with a Girl over Text: Having a Solid Interaction

Getting her number shouldn’t be a big deal and should only be done after you built a genuine connection. This is part of having standards and being more optimal. I try to set up specific plans during the initial interaction. This helps her to differentiate you from a stranger to a potential romantic partner. The goal of getting a girl’s number is to re-initiate mutual contact, demonstrate that you’re not a creep whilst texting her and ask her out.

You need to also pay attention to the context you’re in when going for her number. Sometimes, asking a girl out for coffee in front of her friends works well in Western cultures, whereas, in Singapore, it’s going to put a lot of social pressure on the girl.

I recommend going for the soft close when asking for her number and asking her out through text.

‘Hey, are you adventurous, how do you feel about drinks or coffee with a cute a Singaporean boy?’
‘You seem like a nice/interesting person to talk to OR *insert something genuine and interesting you had in your interaction*, we should grab coffee sometime.’

If She’s Not Responding

Is there a right way to text? How about the length of the text? The time of the text? How about the fucking number of blue ticks?

I’ve had tons of interactions that seemed to go well in real life but didn’t turn out into anything. It is something that is out of your control. Ever made out with a girl in the club and she ignores the exact next day? You start worrying and start thinking to yourself if she’s playing mind games. You then start playing mind games on your end… and she doesn’t reply once again… and you think she’s still playing mind games.

There’s no need the play mind games through texting. I’m not a huge fan of waiting X number of hours or days to text. Texting a girl is a two-way street. If you’re always pushing from one side and she’s replying plain, boring and dry responses, it means that she’s just not interested. There should be some sort of reciprocation from her. You need to remind yourself that an attractive individual doesn’t worry too much about women not texting him back and merely moves on.

Mar 15

Where to Meet Women – The Guide to Stop Swiping and Hoping

By Marcus Neo | Dating and Relationships

The quantity of girls you meet is going to be solely dependent your ability to meet women. If you get good at approaching girls, you’ll will increase the number of girls you meet. If you develop good communication skills, it’ll will help with the converting your leads to dates, awesome sex and girlfriends. So, where can you meet women? Let’s take a look at what meeting women really entails like.

Where to Meet Women: The Warm Market

The warm market is how 98% of men meet girls. The majority of male uses the warm market, aka his social circle for his dating opportunities.

  • Social Circles

Social circles are mostly made up of old friends, colleagues or school friends. Cultivating great social circles is a good strategy for the guy who’s patient enough to cultivate and upkeep these social relationships. I personally know of guys who are naturally great a keeping and maintaining different social circles with groups of guys and girls.

If you hit off with a stranger and assuming you’re someone who got things going for yourself, then just simply ask them if they can join them for that event.

You can simply just say: I’m completely new here, can I join you guys?

To get invited to private parties, events, all you got to do is to just ask. However, before you ask, you can’t be a dickhead. This means having an ability to make others feel comfortable and appreciated around you.

If you’re looking to start or keep your own social cricle, start organising or start joining people for hang out sessions. You can also be the leader of your own social circle. Instead of joining and fitting into other people’s social circles? Why not create your own, with the current people you have in your life?

I made this mistake when starting out. I merely put myself in other people’s social circles. I resisted the idea of ‘bossing others around’ initially as dislike the idea that I might be controlling others. However, as I got better at social skills, it’s hard not to take note that you’re the one that people subtlety looks to make decisions, I naturally become more of a social leader.

You can be the one to organize, plan and execute on events. This can be your core group of friends that you hang out with on a weekly basis at the bar.

You can start inviting girls and her friends you approach (that aren’t romantically available to join you for your event):

‘Hey, you’re really nice to talk to, let’s keep in touch, my friends and I are having drinks this weekend, why don’t you come and join us?’

The downsides of relying on social circles is that they tend to be extremely limiting to the people in the group. Hitting on girls in your social circles may also cause friction in Asian cultured friends groups because after all, Asia is a tightly knitted society. For EG. If you and your friend likes the same girl in the same social group, there may be some friction involved.

  • University

University is THE PLACE to be social, meet new women and it’s one of the last time in one’s life that you’re put in an environment where there’s an endless supply of dating opportunities. In hindsight, I regretted not taking advantage of my first year in University.

You may choose to ignore your social life and focus on your grades up in University. That might work for you for your grades, however, that’s not going to do much for you for your social life and your dating life.

I noticed that many Singaporeans a lot of weight on academic success and forget that University is one of the last periods of one’s life where you get to meet A TON of people in one environment. I’m also surprised that many of these students don’t leverage their University platforms to expand their dating pool.

There’s research that our relationships contribute to a huge percentage of our happiness. So yes, loosen up and make new connections. Stop being too cool for school. Joining a co-curricular activity in University is one of the best outlets to expand your dating opportunities, you can join a co-curricular activity that you’re interested in.

The downsides of relying on social networks in University is that you may inflicted by politics. It can also be demograpically limiting as you’re exposed only to your University network.

  • Colleagues 

There’s an old (read: Asian?) saying: one should not shit where they’re eating. Basically, don’t date your colleagues.

I find this limiting. Firstly, I’ve dated my colleagues. It’s doable. It’s how you go about it that matters.

Here’s how to do it without any drama: If you guys are not exclusive, there’s no need to announce it to anybody. Just don’t. Keep your ego in check. Keep it under wraps so that she won’t look like a slut in other’s eyes.

You’ll also need to handle the relationship responsibly with boundaries. So as long as both partners are responsible and accountable their own actions. If you’re able to separate romance and office life, dating your colleagues is perfectly fine. So don’t limit yourself.

However, just like social circles, your demographic is severely limited to your colleagues. If you’re an engineer (like many of my friends) then you’re more likely going to end up working in an all male environment.

The Cold Market

Now, let me introduce you to my favourite subject and the point of this entire dating advice blog: the cold market.

There are tons of advantages to the cold market. Firstly, you can choose who you want to approach. You aren’t reliant on external factors such as office politics or if she shows up to class or not. You have absolute control of who you are approaching and you aren’t limited by any demographic.

Secondly, if you are out of University, not looking to rely on dating apps or agencies, then getting competent at the cold market isn’t an option.

  • Similar Interest Groups and Networking Events

Starting out, I didn’t really practice much of cold approach strangers on the street. I leveraged on University and interest groups such as yoga classes. Similar interest groups and social, networking events can be an avenue to expand your dating opportunities. The key here is to be bold in talking your target. Just go up and introduce yourself.

You can use:

There are events specifically for dating and singles such as speed dating events. However, I’ll not recommend them as your first outlet as you’re going to sacrifice a little on the quality of girls you’ll meet at singles events. That’s just an ugly truth. This is the same as using dating apps: the majority of quality girls aren’t being chased, they aren’t spending their time looking for partners in speed dating events.

  • Tinder and/or Online Dating 

In general, I don’t use dating apps to meet women. I also don’t recommend Tinder, online dating and dating agencies. Let’s be brutally honest here, quality women aren’t spending their time swiping right on Tinder. Here’s an ugly truth about dating. It’s all about economics: demand and supply.

Remembered your time in school where there are only a couple of of beautiful girls in your cohort and almost every single guy found themselves infatuated with the same couple of girls. There you go. Demand and supply.

The economics of dating suggests that beautiful women are always in demand. The majority of physically attractive, high-quality girls aren’t staring at their phones on a Friday night. They are out at social events, at the most popular nightclubs and getting hit on by a ton of guys.

This is why if you’re only relying on dating apps for your dating life, you’re going to limit yourself to a certain demographic.

Secondly, if a beautiful girl is already getting so much positive social attention in her social life, you can also bet your last dollar that 99.5% of men in these apps are going to swipe right on her online dating profile. You’re also measured and judged by a limited number of words and profile pictures on your Tinder profile. How are you going to stand out through a limited dating profile? You’re up against negative odds.

However, assuming that you’re stuck in a deadbeat and you require something to get you going. Using Tinder or other dating apps to get things going can be a good thing.

  • Dating Agencies/ Paid Dating Events

It can seem ideal, meeting Mrs perfect who is recommended by a ‘trusted’ someone or company. All you got to do is to pay the bills, show up and things will magically fall into place. However, reality often doesn’t pan out that way.

I don’t recommend paying a someone $100 per hour to sit across a table with an unknown stranger. If you’re not getting results in your relationships, what makes you think you’ll actually be able to build a passionate relationship with someone that’s recommended by someone determined by a ‘dating resume’.

Ultimately, if you’re reliant on dating agencies to hopefully meet someone, you’re NOT developing yourself as a person, you just filling up a resume, hoping you show up and do well on a date. You aren’t making any effort to develop conversational skillsets, overcome anxiety, build self awareness, develop social intelligence and confront of that difficult issues that brought you to a dating agency in the first place. Sorry mate, you’ll be that EXACT same person who needed a middleman to fix you a date on a Friday night.

The Cold Market at Scale: The Cold Approach 

  • The Cold Approach

The cold approach is termed coined from the pick up artist community where you just walk up to a girl anytime, anywhere and introduce yourself. Getting good at the cold approach will open up your dating opportunities to almost anyone that’s seemingly approachable. You can choose to meet girls on the streets, shopping centres and just about any daily mundane social situations.

The downsides of this philosophy is that the cold approach is a skillset you need to get down. You’re not going to get good at this on your first couple of tries. This requires practice. Cold approaching is ideal. However, it’s difficult. You’ll need to understand the mechanics of sparking something out of nothing. This isn’t just walking up any girl, throwing up a bunch of lines and hoping for it to stick. There’s a process behind it.

Here’s my guide on how to approach girls.

Note for an Asian reader: It’s not uncommon for Asian parents to tell you to not to talk to strangers whilst growing up. Asians are commonly stereotyped to be more conservative, shy and withdrawn. This is further re-enforced by Asian culture: talking to strangers is a weird thing. For every stereotype, there’s some truth to it. When I was traveling in Western cultures such as Europe and the United States, people are a lot more socially open as compared to Asian cultures.

However, you’re not limited to your culture. If you want to get good at this, screw the stereotypes and take action.

  • Clubs

I’ll categorize meeting girls in clubs under cold approach similarly. That’s because you’re still attempting to spark something out of nothing.

It safe to say that you’re going to get a more open response in clubs. It’s a more socially acceptable action to approach a girl in the club. Women in clubs are expected to be approached. This is true whether be it in Singapore (my home country), or other parts of the world. Clubs are also meant to be meet markets.

The downsides of clubs is that it takes up a lot of time and money. That’s because of the nature of clubs. If you aren’t taking her home on that night itself, you’re going to need to normalize your interaction with her to solidify your lead.

Closing Thoughts

I personally think if you want to get good at this, developing basic skillsets like starting a conversation with women in social events is going to get your results. However, if you really want to be great at this and have choice in your dating life, you need to get down the skillset of cold approaching girls. Lastly, meeting women is not just approaching or putting yourself infront of dating opportunities, you also have to curate a lifestyle you are proud of, present yourself positively and become an overall attractive individual.