By Marcus Neo | Dating and Relationships
The majority of the guys will never approach a girl on the dance floor, or anywhere else in the club. They’ll loiter around her on the dance floor, attempting to grind up on her, or waiting for her to grind up on him. Is there a structure in picking up girls in clubs? Yes, and no. There is’s structure you can when picking up girls in clubs. If you want to meet girls in the the club, a lot of it is down to window opportunity and balls. You have to get through everyone in the crowd and go talk to her.
How to Pick up Girls in Clubs and Bars: Pre Party
You need to prepare for your nights, instead of spearheading in head on.
- Have Socially Savvy People to go Out With
When I started out, I invested in a dating coach for men and networked with other like minded individuals to go out with almost every other weekend. I made it a point to reach out to others to be more social. One way is to join social communities and forums and meet other guys who are serious about going out and meeting girls.
There were occasions when the usual friends that I club with aren’t available on Friday or Saturdays to hit the clubs. Since, I’m someone who enjoys going to parties and events and make it a point to at least go once a week. I make it point to reach out to a group of friends who aren’t in my immediate circle.
Dressing well automatically puts you in the ‘cool guy’ category that and someone of influence. It makes social interactions and starting conversations a lot much easier. You’ll have more influence over the immediate social settings around you. I’d also like to mention that dressing well doesn’t just affect your own social interactions, but it also helps you feel more confident.
- The Positive Dominance Mind-set
You have a goal. The goal isn’t to ‘be social’, the goal is to go out and meet a girl. However, at the same time, you don’t want to be overly pushy. I call this the positive dominance mind set. One part of being masculine is being grounded. You’re not prancing around emotionally like a little girl.
You’re strong, but relaxed. When you’re dominant, you start taking charge of leading interactions, not giving a fuck, taking girls by the hands, leading them to the dance floor etc. This helps you dictate the flow of social interactions.
When you’re positively dominant, people are going to subconsciously (or consciously) look at you to make decisions within the group. Not to mention that leadership is an attractive trait to girls. You’re going to put yourself in a position to be seen as the guy who’s leading the interaction.
Smiling helps a lot when approaching. You’re not giving people or girls an excuse to outright reject you.
- Being Social Throughout the Night
One other thing I learned about approaching girls in night clubs is that people wait too long to be social and to be in a social interaction. One of the advice from the pick up artist community that works quite well for approaching in the night club is to make sure you’re always in an interaction.
Your results can be maximized this way. This helps in social momentum as well. When you’ve gotten over your first few rough approaches, socializing and meeting new people becomes natural and fun. When you combine the adrenaline of approaching an attractive girl. These gives you a higher probability of succeeding.
When we’re going about our day, many of us are in a logical headspace, either from school or work. For months straight, I was either writing for the blog or catching up with academic duties. It can really hurt your social muscles.
Socializing is a creative activity. It is NOT a logical activity. In addition to that, thinking and obsessing too much about pick up technique or theory can mess your head up. How I deal with a logical headspace is to get into a social headspace by chatting with my friends, strangers, Hi 5-ing people in the club, having fun in general.
The ultimate rule of them all: bring fun to others. This includes your wingmen, your buddies, your friends and the new people you meet in a club. Think about it, why would others want to meet you unless you bring something to the table? If someone who dresses poorly just came up to you and creep up to you, you’re probably going to reject him or her.
Flip that around and put yourself in the shoes of others.
Ask yourself this: what’s valued in a night club situation?
Connections, fun, friends and alcohol. Unless you’re popping bottles (and your bank account) then you’d better be having fun and introducing people to each other. When you’re talking to strangers, approach attractive girls, and introducing them to each other, you automatically put yourself in a favourable position. You become the guy that everyone wants to know.
If you feel good, the people around you will feel good. If you feel sexy, the girl around you will feel sexy as well.
Lastly, it’s common for someone to put himself under a fuck ton of pressure when going out. Unless you’re the kind of person that performs under pressure, it’s merely going to work against you. I’m not huge into inner game self-talk. It’s unnecessary.
Understanding the Flow of the night
Now, once you got all of that preparation down, you can plan your strategies according to the flow of the night.
When you’re relying on your emotional state to approach, you’re going to burn out even before the night begins.
The club is a chaotic place with people moving around, the influence of alcohol, drunk friends and pretty girls to talk to. You got to embrace the chaos. However, at the same time, you’ve got to have structure. Finding the balance is the sweet spot.
Having a rough picture of how a night should go and flow can help you wrestle back control, and start implementing what you need to do at different point of the night.
Figure Out The Sequence of the Night
Depending on your lifestyle and your friends, you might be meeting up for dinner or pre-drinks before that.
When you’re going in early at around 1130pm, this will allow you be start approaching in a social manner. This is the time where clubs aren’t that crowded yet.
The ideal would be just to go in and start talking to the small groups of people and warm up socially. You’re rarely going to get a girl interested in you off the bat around this time. This time is about building some connections, getting some phone numbers, having a little bit of fun, and just letting lose a little.
This is the point where you hit it hard and find interactions to commit to. This is where most ‘game’ comes into play. You’re approaching a lot, you’re getting rejected and you’re finding that one or two quality interactions that you’re going to commit to for the rest of the night.
It’s rare that she’s going to be alone. She’s going to be with her friends, both male and female. You’re going to spend the majority of your time winning over the influence of her friends, asserting yourself with her and getting her to subtlety signal to her friends that she likes you, and wants to be with you. You’re going to go from stranger, to somebody who has mutual affection and interest in her.
Ideally, you’ve also collate a list of numbers you’ve gotten for the earlier on. You can start texting them to gauge their level of interest and go for the ones that are highest likely to go back with you.
You’re also being more polarizing and finding out where you and she stand in the interaction you are in.
This is the point where you’re ideally with a girl that likes you a lot and her friends are comfortable with you being around her (and potentially bringing her home). You’ve established to her and her friends that you’re interested in her sexually and her friends are alright with that.
Getting there is the part where ‘game’ comes in. It’s a fine balance between socially empathetic and socially dominant.
Ideally, you’ve found a girl that’s interested in you sexually. She downs to have fun, her friends aren’t in your way and she knows how to deal with it. This is the part where you take full responsibility and you lead. This is done by finding excuses for her to go ahead with her friends and finding excuses for her to come back to yours.
When you’ve figured out the rough outline of meeting women in clubs, you have an structural advantage the majority who doesn’t know what they’re doing. I see guys attempting to ‘day game’ from 1am to 2am. It’s ridiculous. What makes you thing some random stranger outside the club is going to go back with you? She’s probably on her way to another club, or on her way to meet her friends. Your chances are best IN the club.
There is chaos in meeting women through night clubs, however, there’s an underlying structure beneath all of it.
How to Flirt in Clubs: Cold Read and Tease
Firstly, keep your sentences short and sweet. There’s no need to roll some golden shit off your mouth. The words that actually tumble of your mouth don’t really matter. Your intentions are going to matter more than the words said.
Girls are fairly intuitive creatures and they can figure out your intentions. Girls don’t hear what you’re saying verbally, but your intentions. You can say whatever you want to, but your intentions are always louder than what you say verbally.
Whatever that rolls off your mouth in the club, your intentions are going to say: I like you, that’s why I’m talking to you. She’s going to know what’s up.
Just in case, if you don’t know how to start a conversation with a stranger. Here are my two favourite lines:
“Hi, I’m Marcus”
“Hi, I just want to say Hi”
That’s it. Plain and simple.
You got be comfortable at approaching strangers and striking a 5 minutes’ conversations. There’s a social momentum with it. Move on quickly from interactions that don’t go anywhere. Getting the initial approach down is just a small portion of the picture. It’s what you do for the next 5 minutes in the interaction that matters.
The clubs are noisy, with loud music. You can’t talk much and you have to rely a lot on short sentences. People are there to have fun and not to have meaningful or deep conversations. I’m a nerd and enjoy nerdy conversations. However, in a club, you got to stick to short sentences, good body language, and physicality.
The club is not a great place to have long conversations, hence it’s important to know how to flirt with her physically.
Flirting with her physically is accomplished using non verbal communications. When you’re cold reading and teasing her, you should also standing really close to her. You can then touch her lightly on the elbows or waist, to gauge how receptive she is to your advances. Teasing her also shows sexual intent and interest
“You seem like a really friendly person, what’s with that shocked look on your face?”
There was a point where I was cold reading too much in the club. I had to fine tune my approaches. I had to limit my interactions to one cold read for the purpose to break the ice, and then move on to teases, role playing and flirting with her physically right off the bat. If the girl likes you, she’ll be okay with you touching her.
Being Physical: Flirt and Get Physical Right Off the Bat
In a cold interaction, it’s on you to lead the interaction. You have to lead verbally, emotionally, physically and logistically. Girls, especially Asian girls, are not going to give you an inch of space. That’s because it’s deemed slutty or creepy for a girl to initiate a conversation. She’ll be afraid of how other girls will judge her in that moment if she initiated.
Furthermore, the hotter girls are never going to lead for you. That’s because they get approached on all the time and are rarely at the leading of the interaction where they have to take charge.
Here are some quick examples:
“You can be my little sister.” + Hug.
“I’m kidding, you’re awesome.” + Hug
The push pull dynamic should be complimented with shoulder hugs or waist hugs. Rinse and repeat this process and you’ll get an emotionally charged interaction.
Touching a girl in the club also has got a lot to do with just grabbing it by the balls and being physical with a girl. Pulling the trigger and polarizing the interaction is more one of the key aspects of picking up girls in the clubs.
However, it’s important to note that some guys go up and are immediately are too physical with the girl. That might get you massive attraction off the bat, but it’s not socially smooth and it’ll hurt chances continuity in the interaction.
I know someone who can barely string a proper English sentence together. However, he approaches girls and claws them in with his muscular frame and attempts to kiss them within the first minute of the interaction. It’s a bold approach that polarizes girls immediately.
You can also lead her to the dance floor to get physically intimate with her. It’s also a potential place to make out with her. However, there are just some girls that won’t go to the dance floor because she might just want to stick to her friends, or her friends might judge her for going to the dance floor with a guy and etc.
One tip I found out is to never ask, but to attempt to lead her physically. Just grab her by the hand, and get her to follow.
Re-approaching Her and Giving Her Space and Time
More often than not, girls aren’t really receptive at the start of the night. They also won’t go home with you when they’ve just entered the club. They want to drink, hang out with friends, party a little, have a crazy story when they’re out with a couple of friends. You’re most probably not going to get much results from your initial interaction with her.
So what happens if you’re not making out with her at the start of the night? It’s simple, you get her contact number, leave the interaction, and talk to your friends or other girls. You can leave all your interactions, and re-approach her later.
The entire club becomes your friend. You not only make new friends, but now, you have some social proof that you can leverage on to make more friends, and look popular and awesome in her eyes.
One other common mistake I see is guys grabbing her and touching her on the get go when approaching. That’s great. That’s actually recommended. However, it’s not about just grabbing and touching her, it’s about calibration. Remember, two steps forward and one step back.
In general, guys know immediately whether we want to have sex with a girl in a couple of seconds. Women require more time and information to make a decision on that. When you give her space, and show that you have empathy, you already stand out from 99% of the male population. That’s also an attractive trait.
This can be demonstrated using statements like: ‘I understand how you feel’, ‘If I’m being too pushy, let me know’.
Handling Her Friends
Some times, I hang out with a couple of guys from the pick up community, they’ll have intense battle plans and tactics before going into the club. They’ll select out their wings, come up with customized plans to ‘distract her friends’. It’s also known as the ‘isolation’ tactic that many dating coaches preach.
Girls, especially the hot ones are going to be hitting the clubs as an entourage. They also feel safer and secure with their friends, so let them be!
Secondly, what does it say about your value as a man if you have to resort to such tactics in order to get her attracted to you. It just merely means that you aren’t enough, and that you need to ‘distract’ her friends in order for her to like you.
The better way to do it is to win the influence of her and her friends. It’s also a more sustainable manner.
I know, some times the friends of girls can be a major cock block. I’ve been there multiple times. The best strategy is to often kill them with kindness. Talk to the fat friend. Imagine how she feels when her friend always gets all the attention when they go out to the club and she gets completely ignored.
Some times, things may not go your way. She may be overly invested in her friend’s opinion of her rather than actually having fun in the club and meeting people. If two people lead a codependent relationship, there’s not much you can do to convince them otherwise. They’re not right for you, you simply have to move on.
The first rule of social skillsets is this: make it fun! Come from a point of adding value to someone’s night. Don’t be a social leech. Bring fun and add something to the group.
If you’re dressed well, and are having a good time and experience good emotions, you’ll automatically feel good and be able to ‘add’ to the fun of someone else’s night.
Talk to her guy friends and acknowledge them. If you notice something cool about someone, be it a guy or not, then say it. It’ll show that you have social intelligence. Furthermore, everyone likes to be appreciated and talked to
Most of the times, the most beautiful girl will have the highest social value in the group. The group will more or less compliant to her. Sometimes, you won’t actually have to win her friends over, as they are all following her lead in the interaction.
However, that’s not always the case. It’s your job to lead in conversation, physicality, and logistically. How good you do this will determine if the rest of the group would comply or tell you to fuck off.
You’ll have to aware of the self-interest of everyone at given point of time. What are their intentions and behavior? What do they want? Do they like the same girl as you do, and if so, how are you going to manoeuvre yourself in a socially savvy manner to get the girl that you want.
Here are the general guidelines when faced with confrontations:
- Kill Them With Kindness
- Make Him Look Like He or She One Taking Out all The Fun
- Move On to The Next Interaction
- Hook Them up with Someone Else
One other thing that helps a lot with immediate influence is your dress sense. If you’re dressed like you’re an influence, people will defer and give you more leeway in social settings. Lastly, there’s no way about it. Getting good at this requires guts and rejection. You’re going to piss someone off in the process of getting what you want out of interactions. You cannot please everyone.
How to Pick up Girls on The Dancefloor
The dancefloor in the club can be considered the meet markets of the club. Think about it, the tables are for huge social groups. The bar is for people to get drinks. The dancefloor is actually the place where girls and guys go to meet each other. It’s rare to find a guy approaching outside the dancefloor. Even if so, if he’s to approach in the dancefloor, it’s normally through body language, and less words.
- First Rule is To Have Fun
Having a ton of fun and putting on a smile on your face is the first step to attracting more attention on the dancefloor.
Approaching a girl on on the dancefloor is either through body language or just going up to say Hi. There’re no other forms of communications that I’m aware of.
The dance floor is a messy place, with guys, girls, music and all of that jumping. It’s close to impossible to have a verbal interaction on the dance floor. The dance floor is where you have to approach strong and make your prescene known.
You’re going to have problems in talking in long sentences. Short sentences like saying Hi, and asking her for her name is alright. The key is to get physical as fast as possible. Either with shoulder hugs, dancing beside her, or grinding behind her.
- Lead Like Your Life Depends on It
Don’t ask for permission to move. Just grab her by the hand and go to the dance floor. The majority of pick up is just grabbing life by the balls and just doing it. It’s assumed attraction.
- Speaking with Your Body: Physically Escalating on Her Fast
Unless she’s really into you, it’s not a good strategy to just go up behind her and grinding her.
Even if so, there so many objections: her friends, she doesn’t know you, she doesn’t even know your name. It’s better to dance beside with light shoulder touches be a way to flirt on the dance floor, and then move on from there. If they are comfortable with that, then move behind them. If they’re comfortable with you being behind them, then make a move by holding her waist.
You can also strike minimal conversation to stand out.
Once you’ve ‘opened’ using body language or verbally, it’s time to escalate and lead. Firstly, dance by her side. Then escalate by putting your hands on her shoulder or her waist. Then proceed, to dance behind her. Then turn her around with her facing you. Then the make-out.
The rule of thumb is similar to all other interactions: always be leading.
Learning how to pick up girls on the dance floor is a subtlety. Sometimes you approach verbally and say Hi, before dancing. Other times, you approach physically (dancing) and say Hi.
Think about it. The guys that don’t know about ‘game’ is still getting results in the clubs in spite of having ‘no game’. They don’t think about fanciful openers, role plays, or intricate push/pull techniques.
They merely rely on their gut and go for it.
Our social brains are evolved to pick up signals from the opposite sex. It’s just that because of past negative experiences, traumas or conditioning, we then convince ourselves with our own stories that somehow we’re not good enough, not attractive enough and that “she’s probably not interested in me”.
I used to think that there’s an ‘escalation’ ladder when it comes to touching girls. However, there are many times that you end up kissing a girl without even holding her hands or hugging her even. Emotions occur in the moment.
- Not Putting Her on a Pedestal
One other big insights I had from picking up girls on the dancefloor is that most of us put hot girls on the pedestal. This is especially so in the club where a vagina is somewhat the most valued currency, second to the guys splashing their cash on tables and drinks to impress the girls.
Combine this with just about every other mainstream advertising campaign that’s where you get pussy being put on the pedestal.
This is where techniques and lines has it’s limits. It’s our own self worth, our own beliefs of our attractability, and out own beliefs about people, girls and ourselves that hold us back.
- How to Handle her Friends?
There are going to be instances where you’ll get rejected. Her friends will pull her away and give you a creep stare. It happens a lot, especially in more conservative cultures. Here’s the truth: you can’t control other people’s behaviour. You can only control your own behaviour.
The rule of thumb is to make friends with her friends. Be friendly, yet assertive. This takes a little intuition. Look at her body language, is she worried about what her friends think? Is she looking for approval from her friends. If so, you should then adjust and befriend her friends.
On other occasions, I think it’s alright to just go for it. If she’s alright with it, her friends will be alright with it.
Like all other areas of getting good with girls. You’re not going to do well on the dancefloor if you don’t have your basics such as body language and your fashion sense down. Intentions are also a big part of picking up girls on the dancefloor. Some times, I see guys approaching girls like mechanically like machines, most of the time it just doesn’t turn out well.
How to Take Her Home
The principles on how to take a girl home from the club is similar to how to take girls home in general. You got lead like your life depends on it and relieve her of the pressure of feeling like a slut.
So what are the signs?
If you’re making out heavily and she’s all over you. It’s safe to say that she’s down. Some other signs include: she isolates herself from her friends with you, she’s willing to take your lead or she’s willing to grab supper with you. This can only be found out by leading in the interaction. This can be accomplished by making leading statements: let’s grab supper. Grab her hand, and lead without apology. You got to be fully responsible for seducing her.