I was out with a friend last night at a bar in the city. Three girls sat beside him. I knew he had no balls to say Hi, so I did a mini coaching session right there and then. First, he observed that I was able to and willing to speak to two American girls beside me. If you free yourself, you free others as well. Secondly, I guided him to say Hi to the girls him and guided him to introduce me to her friends so I could join in the conversation.
Overstepping The Mark
I recently adopted ideas from one of the world’s most foremost pick up artist, Todd. I felt that I was working too hard in my interactions. Instead, I’d like them to invest, get girls to chase a little. Throughout the interaction, I didn’t feel nervous. It must be the emotional fitness built through years of failure and life experiences
I had positive results, I could tell:
- She’s qualifying, slight chasing
- She’s laughing
However, I overstepped the mark. I didn’t really get to know them as real people. I also didn’t reveal my profession. I was role-playing another profession. They all bought it. However, by not revealing my profession as a writer or an entrepreneur, I wasn’t actually doing myself a disservice. I couldn’t express my full range of life stories and ideas that were natural to me. It was good fun though.
Logistics and Friends
One concept in intermediate game is to keep in mind group logistics. I had three girls to handle whilst babysitting my friend. He was also running his mouth in a way that didn’t really look good on both of us. However, If I threw my friend under the bus, he’ll look bad, and I’ll look bad. I had to think of ways to disengage with whatever he said and not throw him under the bus.
There wasn’t any genuine connection between us guys and the girls at this point. There wasn’t enough material from the girls to work with. There wasn’t enough connection. They didn’t reveal their jobs and prefer to keep us guessing through the night. That’s on me. I played it too cool: too much ‘attraction’ based tactics and not enough genuine connection.
Logistically, things changed really fast. In this case, one of her friends suddenly felt sleepy and they all decided to head home.
Whilst they were booking a cab through their phones, my friend suddenly blurted out to the girl he was interested in: ‘I’m interested, what’s your number.’ He also pointed at her whilst blurting out, as if he’s picking out a fish from the wet market.
Firstly, that’s socially awkward, secondly, it doesn’t look good on me. Not to mention that during our interaction, one of the girls was telling me that I should adopt better friends. Secondly, that horrible game. He displayed no social calibration by blurting out that he’s interested in her in front of her friends. He has given up all your power by outrightly displaying interest. Interestingly, that girl relented and he got her number. However, it’s far from a solid interaction.
Advanced Game with Beginner Gaps
So fundamentally, I was babysitting a friend who could barely help himself. He wasn’t only embarrassing himself, but also wasn’t really helping me. I was also handling three girls with different vested interests.
Here are the mistakes I made:
- Not Getting to the Point: Not Forcing a Qualification
I failed to qualify them. I knew that you could attract a woman by not talking to her straight up. However, in this case, I didn’t get to the point and I played it too cool.
I thought I had the entire night to spill my game. To be fair, they thought they had the entire night as well until one friend signalled to them she was tired and wanted to go home. Why the huge gap though? If us guys were interesting enough, they’ll have stayed.
Secondly, I had a crappy wingman. He made ALL the mistakes a man can make in an interaction. He also started chasing when the girls signalled that they were going to head off. I was basically running advanced game with beginner gaps. I failed to get to the point.
Nonetheless, it was an interesting experience. Social dynamics in a Singaporean, Asian dating culture is always fascinating to me. I’m also proud to have skin in the game, breaking down interactions using real-life examples, as opposed to other B.S. life coaches. I’m also open that I’m also not immune to failure as a dating coach.
No one is.
Recently, I’m changing my take on non-neediness. Sometimes, it’s okay to ‘be a little needy’ to move things forward. For example, trying to elicit a reaction is much better than playing it cool and losing an interaction.
If you’ve had an amazing interaction with a girl in the club and if she decides to go to the bathroom in the club, you should follow her. Yes, it may come off as ‘needy’ initially, however, it’s much better than losing the interaction. Secondly, as Mark Manson quotes: if you’re trying to be non-needy, you’re actually being needy.
Lastly, there’s a lot to be learned from being a little more technical in your interactions. In this scenario, even though I wasn’t being extremely technical, I kept a good chunk of it in mind. On the bright side, I’m playing in the field of 8,9 and 10s. That’s good because I’m stretching myself.