Category Archives for "Dating and Relationships"

Apr 06

How to Get Better at Dating without Being a Pick Up Artist

By Marcus Neo | Dating and Relationships

I get many different kinds of clients coming to me attempting to better their dating life. Some have even taken programs from mainstream big names companies overseas. Some request for only a specific area of coaching. Some disregard theory. Some are committed and some are not.

The Difference Between People who Get Results and People that Don’t

Here’s my take on clients that eventually get results. They are humble enough to put in the work and learn all aspects of social dynamics. I recently had a client go out cold approaching almost every single day. He’s only a month old into the program and he has gone out on two dates. That’s a good outcome, considering he’s completely new, and he’s tackling the cold market. On the other hand, I have clients that don’t come for classes or are inconsistent in making this a priority in their life. To get good, you need to stretch yourself. It’s no different for me either. I had to stretch myself to grow the business. I had to stretch myself in school to get the grades I desired.

Getting good at dating as a skillset is also getting good at your emotions. In the ling run, it’s pretty exhausting if you’re always putting up a front or if you’re trying to say something in order to be smart or witty. This is where vulnerability comes it. There are no more smart or witty things to say, just emotions to express through actions. This requires you to be good at pushing through despite feeling the fear of rejection. Trust me, no amount of money, achievements or good looks is going to help you in this area. This is why it’s difficult. This is why it’s also a life long process or getting good at emotions. This is why most people don’t do it.

The Difference Between Relying on Canned Lines and being a ‘Natural’

Some times, you get clients that are all about the pick-up artist industry. They are usually obsessed about mass approaching or about ‘game’. I can usually figure out a couple of minutes through the phone.

Now, I’m not disregarding that approaching women isn’t a skillet to get down or that you should not be technical in how you approach dating as a skillset. There are certain concepts: frame that is extremely useful to understand where you are at in any interaction. However these days, I don’t put too much value on trying to objectify every single interaction.

It’s better to focus on the long run game: getting other areas such as self-esteem, your boundaries and values sorted out. It also saddens me when some clients aren’t taking the holistic approach in getting figured this area of their life figured out.

Here are some reasons why you should not go down the pick up artist land:

  • PUAs tend to come from a ‘value leech’ standpoint. One example is that many desire to get into clubs for free and aren’t willing to pay for entry. They use underhanded tactics to get in for free. Even when I had no money, I’ll try to get into clubs by paying or through a legitimate manner, like a guest-list or getting to know the club promoter. I didn’t like sneaking around. That’s socially retarded. It also doesn’t cast a good light socially.
  • Secondly, it’s a ‘cheap mentality’. I run a business, as an entrepreneur, I believe in the price paid for value creation. The club created value in exchange for money, so I have no problems paying for it. Your beliefs are going to largely influenced by the people you surround yourself with. If you’re always hanging out with cheap people, you’re going to devolve into a poor mindset.

Lastly, it’s the manner most hardcore pick up artists approach their dating life. I haven’t met a hardcore pick up artist that is actually cool. The way the treat going out with peers is purely from a pickup lens. ‘Let’s meet at 11 pm outside the club.’ No catching up, no chilling out, no real human connection. This cycle repeats week in week and out. Hey, unconditional friendships are important and they determine a lot of your emotional sanity and social success.

This also rubs off in their ‘game’ as well. They are usually gamey, overtly aggressive and dependent on gimmicks. The type of game that only works on low quality women. It’ll never work on quality women. The difference between crappy game and good game is how grounded, calm looking your interactions are.

Note: I’m not a pick-up artist. I don’t label myself like that. I’m just a guy that is able to talk to strangers if I found her attractive. That’s it. I don’t do so because of the possibility of ridiculous expectations that come along with this industry. In fact, I’m the most anti-guru guy you might come across. I don’t identify or hate to perceived as a player or pick up artist. I’m just an average guy that rationally figured out how to get more choice and control in your dating life.

Apr 02

How to be a Confident Man – 3 Tenets of Sexual Assertiveness

By Marcus Neo | Dating and Relationships

The majority of advice on being a confident man revolves around traditional ‘alpha values’ such as discipline, macho-ness and masculinity. However, what if I told you that true confidence revolves around comfort with failure and rejection? What if I told you it revolves around putting yourself out there and being vulnerable? There are hundreds of men out there with highly successful careers who can barely walk up to an attractive stranger and start a conversation. Why is that so? Here are three tenets of being a confident man that is naturally attractive to women.

How to Be a Confident Man Tenet 1: Stop Putting Women/ People on a Pedestal 

You can argue that attractive women spend their whole lives with guys (and even girls) deferring to them. The guys are always asking them questions, falling into interview mode and attempting to please them. Sometimes, attractive women themselves never built the conversational skills to connect with others on an deeper level.

There was once I went on a date with an attractive woman. On text, she bored me to tears. I was wondering if she was how she’s like in real life conversationally. It turns out that her conversational skills borderline around one lined sentences of boring and blunt. Similar to her text messages. 

On the date, She floated away to social media from time to time and rarely initiated conversation. Trying to relating to her as a human being was a total chore. I was disappointed. I was expecting much better. Since she’s one of those academically inclined girls coming from a good University background, I thought I’ll be able to stretch my intellectual muscles with her. However, I ended up bored out of my mind.

Stop putting women, or people, on a pedestal. Understand your own worth and judge the world accordingly. 

How to Be a Confident Man Tenet 2: Be Comfortable with Your Sexuality

It’s more important for us as the man to polarise the interaction than wait for the green lights. The majority of dating advice (arguably, some of the pick up artist content out) depends on trying not to get rejected and adjusting our behaviours according to hers instead of taking charge and inviting rejection. The metric of success should not be non-rejection, but whether you ‘played to win.’

There are many women who aren’t looking to connect with anybody at this point of her life. She may just want to date around. However, she’s not going to say anything that makes her look like a slut. Society makes it hard for them to express such notions socially. This is especially so for a traditional Asian centric society like Singapore. 

The biggest indicator of interest is that she’s out with you and not somewhere else. Looking back, I had tons of tons of times where I was out with a girl and didn’t notice the fact that she’s actually interested in me. I thought we were just ‘hanging out’.

You can’t be sexually attracted to a woman without being emotionally connected to her. Initially, I always felt that I could not go for a girl that I couldn’t feel emotionally connected with or have a meaningful conversation with. No, that’s not true. You can’t get all emotional and physical needs met at once. Relationships are imperfect by nature. The only thing you can control is our own behaviours and how you express your identity.

Not every girl is going to fulfil all your needs. There are women that are going to make you feel sexually attracted, but not connected or appreciated as a partner. There are some girls that are going to make you feel really secure in a relationship, but perhaps you’re not going to feel as excited to be with her.

How to Be a Confident Man Tenet 3: Be Unapologetically Assertive

If your approach towards women has been more connection based rather than based on sexual confidence You probably don’t touch a girl enough or attempt to escalate the interaction physically enough. Either that, you mis-calibrated and escalated too quickly at one point of the interaction.

I remembered that on a date, I made the mistake of choosing places where it’s hard to sit beside her. She was pretty easy going with the places and I should have been more assertive with the places where I can sit beside her where it allows for physical intimacy. The layout in most bars and coffee places do facilitate physical intimacy. You can sit beside a girl next time on a date. If she asks why you can just say: ’cause you are ridiculously adorable and I want to sit beside you.’

The more feminine the girl is, the more you’re going to be expected to lead physically. She’s not going to initiate for you. If you’re interested, just pull the trigger and ask her out, face the impending disappointment or rejection. If you’re going to be rejected, so be it, at least you got rejected with confidence.

In conclusion, the counter intuitive tenets of a confident man revolves around not putting women on a pedestal, being comfortable with your sexuality and being assertive and going for what you want.

Mar 27

How to Stop Watching Porn – It Can Ruin Your Life

By Marcus Neo | Dating and Relationships

I remembered that I had a Windows 95, a dial up connection, and that was all I need. I was one resourceful kid. I caught on the hard core stuff really fast. BDSM, lesbians and foot fetishes, you name it, I watched it. It was only when I started in reading up on psychology that I was exposed to the effects of pornography that I started limiting my intake.

In the men’s dating advice community, there are also many positive reports from guys who are going through the ‘no fap’ diet. If you’re masturbating too much, watching too much porn and not getting much out of your sex life, then it’s a problem. So, can reducing pornographic intake help in multiple areas of your life? If so, how can you stop watching porn in an effective manner?

The Science of Pornography

The intake of pornography is researched to be a supra normal stimulus to our brains. This means, it’s way more pleasurable than the average arousing stimulus. Our brains aren’t ready to take in those kind stimulus and hence develop a need for higher forms of stimuli and arousal. This is why you become desensitised and develop a need for more novel stimuli through fancier or more hard core pornography.

Ultimately, pornography paints an unrealistic picture of sexuality. This skews our perception of what beauty is and gives us unreasonable standards for sex with the people we meet. In my younger days, I used to think that having sex with a porn star in multiple crazy positions would define my masculinity.

That can’t be further from reality. The majority of partners you meet aren’t going to live up to the unrealistic narratives in pornography films. Sex is an intimate act for both partners. When it actually happens, it’s usually nothing like you see on computer screens. Sex is actually an activity where either parties may feel unsure about themselves. Everyone get’s a little nervous before an intimate act. It’s nothing like the hard core bravado you watch on pornographic sites.

Shame, Guilt, Addiction and Pornography

Okay, if you’re wondering if pornography is an actual addiction. It’s debatable. Whilst it isn’t a ‘real addiction’, you can’t ignore the data that shows many people do experience real life problems with it. It has been linked to issues such as unhappy and unsatisfied partners, depression, anxiety, and loneliness.

Whilst pornography ‘addiction’ isn’t validated as a clinical form of addiction, I’m guessing that there is some correlation between toxic shame and pornography overuse. I suggest that because there’s research that suggests that clinical addiction is used to cope with shame, to soothe out their feelings of inadequacy. They just do it through alcohol, drugs and etc.

There’s research suggesting that toxic shame is related to pornography usage. It also suggested that people that had shame were less motivated to alter their behaviours. I’m not going to go on about the differences between guilt and shame int his article, however they found the exact opposite when it came to feelings of guilt. There are other factors leading to compulsive and addictive pornographic usage as well: namely: depression and anxiety. In my personal experience, healing shame through the means of hiring a professional therapist can be a useful way of dealing with overconsumption of pornography, not to mention therapy offers insights into depression and anxiety as well.

How to Stop Watching Porn

Now, let’s get serious here. It’s not only your dating life or your relationships you’re talking about. It’s your entire life. This will not only determine your success with women, but also determine your ability to hand up work on time, increase your productivity, cure cancer or send someone to Mars. It’s life changing stuff.

I’ll share with you some methods that have helped me over the years.

1) If you can’t quit porn overnight, leave it to the last activity of the day. You can use pornography as a reward for the productive work you’ve accomplished during the day. You’re using this to rewire the pleasure reward mechanism in your brain. Ideally, you want to land yourself in a position where you have accomplished so much work in the day, that you don’t really want to jerk off to ‘spoil the track record’.

2) Psychological research shows that building habits in a small way is the only sustainable way to do it rather than flooding yourself with too many habits at one go. Habits are built small and then compounded over time. Starting small such as keeping masturbation and pornographic intake the last activity of the day is a small step that anyone can start applying in their lives.

3) If all else fails, fly to another country for a week or two. Travel can be used as an effective means to break and build habits. Whenever I’m out of the country, I’m much more productive and I don’t jerk off that much. Furthermore, staying in a hostel means that you can’t really watch pornography right?

4) Create an environment of inevitable success. When I was studying in the United States, I was stressed out of my head, behind time on academics and had a ton of assignments to finish. On top of that, I had personal responsibilities such as laundry, phone bills, making friends, making sure I go out on dates. I suddenly had better priorities than jerking off to porn.

5) Take a step back and ask yourself: Why are you watching pornography? Are you’re using pornography to cope reduce stress, to relief oneself from boredom, used to cope with negative feelings or situations, or simply avoiding withdrawal symptoms. People with maladaptive coping skills are much more vulnerable to using pornography as an outlet. So, are you merely using porn as a coping strategy?

6) When you do masturbate, think of women you’ve met in real life. Don’t fantasize about the girls you see in pornography clips. Let’s say you met a girl last week in the club and you’re aroused by her. Instead of relying on pornography, you can fantasize about her. It’ll hugely re-wire your mind to help you be more sensitive with real life girls.

7) Change your environmental to cues that leads you to watch pornography. Habit researchers found that in order to create new habits to break the old ones, you should not focus on the behavior but the cue itself. You can do this by installing pornographic blockers, restricting your computer and etc. Clinicians have also recommended this method.

8) Therapy. If nothing else works and you find your life being interrupt by your intake of pornography. I recommend working with a clinical psychologist. Cognitive behavioural and acceptance commitment therapy has been researched to potentially help with pornography addiction.

The Positive Effects of Not Watching Porn

Going out a masturbation diet and limiting pornography is one of the methods dished out to be more sexually motivated. Self development books such as Think and Grow Rich talks about the ability to transmute sexual desire into creative pursuits such as productive work or art, instead of it depleting one’s energy and motivation. Successful personalities such as Steve Jobs  are known to withhold from having sex just to get a creative boost at work.

If you’re overusing pornography, you may also have found yourself desensitised in your dating and relationships life from the years of using pornography. You may find yourself numbed to a real woman’s touch. This is because you are desensitised to all the unrealistic portrayals of pornography. On top of that, a female touch is completely different from the tight grip of your hand.

It was only when I started being serious about getting my dating life handled that I consciously chose to limit pornography and masturbation that I felt more motivated and confident. I also made sure that whenever I’m seeing someone, I would also limit pornography intake as well. (Read: This is to also ensure performance)

Over the years, I’ve never really quit cold turkey or completely. However, the times that I consciously limited my pornography intake, I’ve felt the positive side effects of it. I used to worry and get nervous about not being able to finish and the girl being sore and tired. I’m happy to report that I’m facing less of these problems these days.

Cutting down pornographic intake has also helped me performed better in other areas of my life from academics, sports, be more sexually aggressive in my dating life. The women I notice on a day to day basis became more beautiful and I started appreciating their physical imperfections, instead of fake pornographic displays. There’s also a noticeable improvement in general motivation and sense of well being.

When I find myself watching pornography on a more frequent basis, I find myself a lot more judgmental of the women I’m willing to approach. There’ll be a perfectly beautiful girl who walks past me and I’ll put it off and give myself the excuse that she isn’t hot enough. I also notice a difference in general anxiety. I feel more grounded and centered going about my day to day activities when I’m not on pornography.

Relapse and Should You Quit Pornography Completely?

Through the years, I didn’t see a need to quit pornography completely, I’ve attempted a couple of times  and I found myself unable to focus after awhile. I’m also sure that I’m not addicted to it. There are many periods when I’m feeling the urge and if I’m not dating someone, I’ll ‘relapse’ and use pornography there and then.

Here’s my verdict: it’s different strategies for different people. Personally, I belief by keeping pornography intake to a minimum is sufficient and there are clear benefits. If you work a lot trying to balance out academic commitments, business commitments and personal relationships, it can get stressful. Sometimes, you just need to get one out there. That’s fine. Just make sure it’s done in moderate dosages that don’t affect your day to day productivity.

It’s ultimately up to you to figure out what works for you. I don’t see it as an all or nothing thing. If pornography isn’t interfering with your day to day life, there’s no reason to be super strict on that no fap rule. There’s no hard and fast rule on this, however, I do encourage limiting pornography intake on the whole.

Works Cited

Hilton, D. L. (2013). Pornography addiction – a supranormal stimulus considered in the context of neuroplasticity. Socioaffective Neuroscience & Psychology, 3, 20767

Koukounas, E., & Over, R. (2000). Changes in the magnitude of the eyeblink startle response during habituation of sexual arousal. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 38(6), 573–584

Stewart, D. N., & Szymanski, D. M. (2012). Young Adult Women’s Reports of Their Male Romantic Partner’s Pornography Use as a Correlate of Their Self-Esteem, Relationship Quality, and Sexual Satisfaction. Sex Roles, 67(5-6), 257–271.

Schneider, J. P. (2000). A Qualitative Study of Cybersex Participants: Gender Differences, Recovery Issues, and Implications for Therapists.Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity, 7(4), 249–278.

 

Mar 19

How to Tell If She Wants You to Make a Move – 3 Signals

By Marcus Neo | Dating and Relationships

I consider myself to have better social and dating skills than the average Joe after doing this for so many years. However, I’m still flabbergasted at times at how poor I am at deciphering if a girl is attract  or or not. The signals women give can be quite confusing at times. Some women show it openly with strong eye contact, and some don’t. Some show it through being around you and some show it by shying away from you. How can you really tell if a women is attracted to you?

How to Tell if She Wants You to Make a Move – Indicators of Interest

  • Positive Signals

Indicators of positive interest can range from hair flicking, strong eye contact, her making excuses to spend time with you or her. She reciprocates your signs of interest. Some more overt interest includes her asking you your number, initiating physical touch with you or invite you out with her friends. She may ask you a lot of questions and seem genuinely interested in you. 

If you’re looking to dating attractive women that get hit on almost everyday of their life, it boils down to subtlety. Subtleties be displayed in the form of stealing tiny glances at you and then looking away almost immediately. Whether it’s intentional or not, it doesn’t matter. Your ability to notice and play along with these subtleties is something you develop with experience. Chances are, if reading this article, the majority of success you had with women only happened because she initiated. In my experience, a lot of women, especially attractive women, won’t initiate with you, in addition alongside with the cultural pressure to wait for the man to initiate.

This brings me to the next category.

  • Neutral Signals

Typically, a man knows within a couple of seconds if he’s sexually attracted to a woman or not. Women aren’t like that. They are often quite unsure about a man and need to be swayed on way or another. The majority of girls you approach are going to fit into the neutral category. She doesn’t seem interested or doesn’t seem particular uninterested. If you touch her on her back, she will not move away, however, she may not give you any signal that she likes it. She may agree to come back to yours, however, when you make your advances, she pushes your hands off.

The most important thing to note is that women do not ever stay inis category. They’ll eventually become receptive or unreceptive. If you’re not going to make a move, she’s going fall into the unreceptive category.

  • Negative Signals 

Negative signals can come in the form of wanting to bring her friend along when you ask her out for coffee. If you approach her by the bar and she tells you she wants to spend time with her friends, then she’s unreceptive. It’s important to note that a lot of sexual attraction is fleeting. You might have a lot of attraction going for you with a girl at the night club and she totally forgets you the next day.

This can also come multiple reasons. You’re of lower status that her. She is already in a committed relationship that she’s happy in. You guys may be completely incompatible.

Lastly, don’t be biased about indicators of interest. If a girl isn’t into you, then see it for what it is and move on. If you find yourself conjuring up reasons as to why she’s interested in you, then you’re probably on the wrong track.

What if She’s Acting all Quiet and Shy? 

In the modern world of dating advice, many forward thinking dating coaches for men have came forward with the idea that the biggest indicator of interest is if a girl is still there with you. If a girl is standing beside you, whether she’s quiet or openly flirting, it’s a sign of an indicator of interest. I used to think that a girl will always openly show that she likes you. Only then, I would only be able to move the interaction forward. That might be true for Western cultures, however, in an Asian centric dating culture, a lot of women are shy and reserved in displaying affection.

There were dates that I went out on that didn’t ‘seem right’. There weren’t any of the obvious hair flicking or flirty touching. They’re often quiet and somewhat little introverted. I thought they were plain disinterested. However, that isn’t always the case. The fact that a girl is willing to spend a Saturday noon with me demonstrated that she’s already interested. She just felt a reserved around me.

To put things in perspective, think of the time when you were a teenager and you had this huge crush on this girl. Every time she walked by, you felt stifled and you don’t know what to say. You would just stand there, dumbfounded, silent and quiet. This is especially true if you’re an attractive individual yourself. If you have good game, that can make girls and others naturally feel reserved around you initially.

The Biggest Indicator of Interest: She’s There With You

When getting good with women, you’re often told to dress well and fix your body language. You might think: I have done all this work by investing in myself, why isn’t she marrying me on the spot right away? Naturally, you’ll think that putting all this work will lead to a smooth sailing social interactions, right? This may lead to you to have higher expectations of your interactions with girls and people.

This isn’t often the case. On the flip side, from the girl’s point of view, she may perceive you as an attractive individual that she feels shy being around. No matter how many suits you purchase or the deodorant you wear, understand that girls are human’s beings too. They feel shy or stifled and that social interactions are imperfect by nature.

So, ultimately, what gives? How can you tell if she’s interested and wants you to make a move or not: 1) she’s quiet and attentive 2) if she’s flirting openly with you back and forth. Here’s where experience kicks in. One of the ways is to observe and listen to why she does or says something. Everyone has different emotional needs.

She could be shy and reserved around you but outgoing around her friends. So ask yourself, why is she only outgoing around her friends? Could she be shy around someone she’s interested in? Instead of seeing it as disinterest, that could be an indicator that she’s interested in you.On the flip side, some girls are shy in group settings, but may be expressive around you and is able to open up to you.  There was a girl I date that was really sweet around me. However, as she and I were around her friends, she acted the total opposite of prim and proper.

How to Really Know if She Wants You to Make a Move

If you’re not sure if a woman is attracted to you, or that you think you’re stuck in the ‘neutral’ category. The best way find out if a woman is attracted to you is to move the interaction forward. You can sit on the fences, debilitating your next move for months…. OR… you can find out the truth. Not by trying to over analyse the hundred and one indicators of interest, but by acting on them. 

This means being moving the interaction forward deliberately to a more sexual and romantic one. It’s also forcing her make a decision about how she actually feels about you. This can be as simple asking her for her number, asking her out on a date or being more sexually aggressive in your interaction with her.

You don’t want to waste time on women who are a time sink. You’re rarely going to change the mind of a women who’s not interested in you. Yes, you can lay off for a period of time and then come back and try again, with a new identity. However, in my personal experience, it rarely works in that way. You’re better off meeting someone else.

This is why you’re recommended to pursue women from your own personal values. You approach and talk to her because it’s your personal values to pursue women you desire. Whether she rejects you or not, it doesn’t matter, these actions are an expression of your values.

When you’re upfront and honest about your desires, there’ll be a percentage of women that are going to say no. That’s fine, take the rejection on the chin and move. This saves you wasting time, effort and needless mind games of asking yourself if she’s attracted to you on not.

Mar 18

How to Get Laid – The Emotionally Healthy Guide to Casual Sex

By Marcus Neo | Dating and Relationships

If you want to get laid, let’s just say you got to be minimally sexually attractive to women. You’ll still have to get your social skillsets down, dress well, have good body language, understand female psychology, understand where to meet women, how to approach them, take them out on a date and all of that ‘hard work’.

There’s also a misconception that all girls desire long term relationships before being willing to sleep with you. Now, whilst the majority of men attempts to manipulate their way into a girl’s pants, you’re going to be the minority is actually able to communicate with her and lay out expectations in vulnerable manner

Now, there is going a demographic of girls that’ll strictly believe in sex after marriage. No, despite all the crazy dating advice out there tells you,, you can’t actually change someone’s values overnight. You’re going to be hitting up against the wall, no matter how smart you think your lines or techniques works. It rarely works, if even at all. 

The Emotionally Healthy Guide to Casual Sex 

There’s a quote by entrepreneur Tim Ferris who said: a person’s success in a life can usually be measured by the number of uncomfortable conversations he or she is willing to have. This is true especially when it comes to setting out expectations and boundaries in your dating life.

  • Be Empathetic about It

Basically, be 100% open about sex and talk about sex openly. This can mean be willing to say that you find her attractive and want to have sex with her. If she asks you about if you see this going into a relationship, don’t fucking say yes just for the sake of getting into her pants. Please don’t. Have some fucking self respect and ethics. Paradoxically, it’s this self respect and ethics that gets a girl to open up. 

Up till this day, I’m proud of the fact that I’ve never mislead any girls before. Honesty as a strategy is also a value I want to stress that I want to enforce as a dating coach.

She’s not going to feel like a slut if you’re honest about your desires with her. In fact, she’s going to feel the opposite, she’s going to feel you’re a human being and that you for care to a certain extent. You can say that you don’t know and you aren’t looking for a committed relationship at this point of time. 

There are multiple reasons why you do not want to have a committed relationship. This can be because of work, travel, difference in geographical location or you just want to explore your options. 

For years straight on, when I get asked that question: I simply say I don’t know, and that was true. I liked the person I was seeing a lot, however, it’s just that I was unsure about myself in general and wasn’t sure if I wanted to be in a committed relationship. 

If she asks you about you being a player or the number of girls you’ve slept with, you can simply say that that’s none of her business. 

When you’re upfront and honest about your desires, you’ll remove a lot of the necessary mind games. There’s no need to pressure anyone into doing something that they don’t want to do. 

However, vulnerability need not be confused with commitment or attachment. It’s possible to experience a powerful connection with a woman and never desire long term commitment with one another. 

  • Don’t Have Double Standards

Secondly, you aren’t in an exclusive relationship. You’re free to date others and she’s free to see others as well. There shouldn’t be any jealousy involved. 

Talk Openly about It and Have Empathy

The term last minute resistance or ‘LMR’ is commonly used in the pick up artist community.

It’s when girls resist last minute when she’s already in your room or bed. I’ve had these situations three-four times throughout my dating career. The solution to this isn’t to use some technique to trick her into sleeping with you (although that can work, there are ways to play on people’s fear of loss and abandonment, remember the freeze out technique?).

It’s vulnerability. It is to empathize with her. 

It is to ask her if she’s comfortable with you. Is she looking for a long term relationship? Does she feel uncomfortable to hook up before a relationship/marriage? What are her values?

I once had a girl over and she said: ‘We’re not going to have sex’. I immediately replied: ‘Yup, we aren’t.’ I was totally chill about it. To be honest, it’s a turn off to me when sex is forced or manipulated. Spoiler: she and I end up doing it anyways.

Take Responsibility of The Situation

There is a difference between in the perception of casual sex in Eastern and Western cultures. This is largely, and hugely ignored in the dating advice industry. This is something I stress upon time and time again, but nobody seems to listen. 

You need to take into the account of sexual shame in Eastern cultures. Relationships, love, intimacy isn’t exactly openly discussed over dinner tables in my own family growing up, I can’t remember the last time. I used to think this is a problem exclusive to my family. However, it’s not. It’s a cultural issue.

Look, I’m not saying that it’s completely different. The fundamentals of how to attract women are the similar. However, how you actually go about doing it.

Honesty is a cornerstone my philosophy in attracting women. However, it’s important to note that Asian cultures are much more sensitive in nature. If you are too ‘honest’ in your interactions, it might come off as rude, insensitive, blunt, even if don’t mean it to be. 

When starting out, I went with the cocky funny type of personality. I mean, that’s what you read in pick up artist books right? I gradually noticed cocky funny jokes only works on girls who are more liberal minded. It didn’t really click with the majority of the women in Singapore.

Like it or not, women (and human beings) are influenced by cultural values. Consciously or subconsciously, when evaluating potential partners, girls do take these values into account. They don’t want the cocky funny asshole player that they invite home for family dinners or bring him to meet her friends. 

The Anti Slut Defence

One of the defining philosophies that was born out of the pick up artist community is the idea that you got to understand the ‘anti slut defence’. In modern society’s eyes, if a girl hooks up with a guy, she’s a slut. If a guy hooks up with a girl, he’s a champion. It’s a double standard by modern society that makes sex, dating and relationships complicated and confusing. 

If she makes a move on you, she’s a slut for doing so. This is why girls in conservative cultures are going to be more passive when letting you know that she’s interested in you.

You got to come from a mind frame that if she hooks up with you, it’s your responsibility. It’s not her fault, responsibility at all. If you take all responsibility away from her, she’s allowed to blame you or external circumstances when you make your sexual advances. She’s able to justify it amongst her friends. 

The guys that got ‘good game’ go to lengths to make sure she’s not perceived as a slut. They are socially aware of what’s happening around them. This means only kissing her when her friends are not around, knowing when to make the right excuses and being empathetic about her current mood and feelings. If you’re looking for casual sex with a woman, she must have to have something to say about you to their friends. Their opinions matter. They needy to justify their behaviours to their friends why they went with you, hooked up with you and date you.

I see guys from the pick up artist community trying out routines such as handshakes or using bombastic pick up lines. The point isn’t to go over the board with your fanciful routines or a ‘high value’ portrayal, but to be empathetic, at the same time displaying that you are someone with strong boundaries and you are acting our of your values. 

Understanding how to hook up in an Eastern culture is going to take time and patience. If you’re not into long term relationships, be prepared that you got to invest time, effort and emotions into the dating game. This can mean going for 2-3 dates before hitting home run. This means going extra lengths showing her that you too care for her as a human being.

How to Get Her Back to Your Place

If you are dressing well, hitting the gym, getting your studies right, having friends that you enjoy with being, being interested in your job and having hobbies going for you. Ultimately if you come from a standpoint of emotional needs for status, connection and security that an ideal boyfriend will. You’re may be that empathetic yet high value male that she’ll break all rules for you. 

There’s no need to outrightly verbalize: let’s go home and fuck. I know, in this blog I advocate honesty, but not radical honesty. If you’re verbalizing everything, you’re also showing a lack of vulnerability and social intelligence. That’s unattractive and a turn off for women. It shows that you aren’t able to put yourself out there emotionally and have to somewhat verbalize and justify your sexual advances.

Now, assuming you’re on your third date, you guys are already making out, then the next logical step is sex. Some men are often faced with the problem of staying with their parents. I recommend ironing out this problem out with your parents. It’s the matured thing to do.

I remembered that I would awkwardly drive my Dad’s car to my place without asking her if she wants so to come after a date near a bar at my place. The general rule of getting her back to yours isn’t to ask her. It’s to lead. It’s to make the interaction subtle and socially intelligent. Finding an excuse to get her back to yours is a socially intelligent way to do it. You can stock up on alcohol at yours and then ask her over for drinks.

Okay, assuming the sex really isn’t going to happen. It’s past midnight and are you going to let her stay? I used to be alright with girls coming over and not wanting to hook up. I even rationalised it as ‘at least I got someone to hug to sleep.’ That was due to my lack of boundaries at that point in time. However, these days, if nothing is going to go down, I’ll politely ask her to leave.

The Art of Being a Hard Closer

If you’ve always perceived yourself as a nice person, then you must be willing to be slightly pushy and willing to piss off some people around you. If you’ve always believed yourself to be extremely attractive and your dating life isn’t something that you need to put work into, then by letting go of these beliefs, you’re now free to actively create new opportunities for yourself.

Only by letting go of certain stories you tell yourself, that you’re free to pull the trigger. You’re free to go out, take action and face eventual failure or success. 

How to End things with Zero Drama

If you’re looking to hook up with a friend of a friend of a friend. Then keeping your mouth shut about dating her is going to help lower the potential cost of her hooking up with you. This is especially true for an Asian cultured society like Singapore. She doesn’t want others around her and you to know about you guys dating.

I used to purposely take a girl out of University grounds just for the sole purpose of not letting others know that we’re dating. Hooking up through social circles are the majority’s strategies to get laid. One way to get good at this is to have a wide social circle of friends. However, if you’re like me that doesn’t enjoy the mindless politics in maintaining social circles, then you might want to learn how to approach girls in the day and night clubs.

Normally, a guy is more invested before sex and a girl is less invested before sex. The power dynamic of the relationship flips after sex.  You’re no longer chasing her, and normally, she’s the one chasing you. The length of how long you’re able to be friends with benefits with each other depends on various factors. It’ll depend on both party’s abilities to keep things perfectly casual, which is tough. 

The power of choice that a woman had (whether to have sex or note) switches over to the man (whether to commit or not). If this power dynamic doesn’t switch, it usually a sign of neediness in the man and her attraction for him will not last. 

Let’s be honest here, one side will give way and want more out of the relationship. It’s no longer about the sex. Now, it’s about identity and attachment. So, assuming you’re not in it for the long run, how do you end a casual relationship on drama free note? 

If either of you aren’t ready for a committed relationship, the solution is to have a clean break, or take a break from have a purely sexual relationship. This means setting strong boundaries, setting expectations clear and for Christ’s sake: stick it to it. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve watched friends go back and forth with one girl. It’s confusing to look at and it often leads to a shit pool of un-needed drama.  

 

Mar 17

How to Pick up Girls in Clubs and Bars – The Ultimate Guide

By Marcus Neo | Dating and Relationships

The majority of the guys will never approach a girl on the dance floor, or anywhere else in the club. They’ll loiter around her on the dance floor, attempting to grind up on her, or waiting for her to grind up on him. Is there a structure in picking up girls in clubs? Yes, and no. There is a structure you can when picking up girls in clubs. If you want to meet girls in the the club, a lot of it is down to window opportunity and balls. You have to get through everyone in the crowd and go talk to her.

How to Pick up Girls in Clubs and Bars: Pre Party

You need to prepare for your nights, instead of spearheading in head on. 

  • Have Socially Savvy People to go Out With

When I started out, I invested in a dating coach for men and networked with other like minded individuals to go out with almost every other weekend. I made it a point to reach out to others to be more social. One way is to join social communities and forums and meet other guys who are serious about going out and meeting girls. 

There were occasions when the usual friends that I club with aren’t available on Friday or Saturdays to hit the clubs. Since, I’m someone who enjoys going to parties and events and make it a point to at least go once a week. I make it point to reach out to a group of friends who aren’t in my immediate circle.

  • Dress Well

Dressing well automatically puts you in the ‘cool guy’ category that and someone of influence. It makes social interactions and starting conversations a lot much easier. You’ll have more influence over the immediate social settings around you. I’d also like to mention that dressing well doesn’t just affect your own social interactions, but it also helps you feel more confident. 

  • The Positive Dominance Mind-set

You have a goal. The goal isn’t to ‘be social’, the goal is to go out and meet a girl. However, at the same time, you don’t want to be overly pushy. I call this the positive dominance mind set. One part of being masculine is being grounded. You’re not prancing around emotionally like a little girl. 

You’re strong, but relaxed. When you’re dominant, you start taking charge of leading interactions, taking girls by the hands, leading them to the dance floor etc. This helps you dictate the flow of social interactions. 

When you’re positively dominant, people are going to subconsciously (or consciously) look at you to make decisions within the group. Not to mention that leadership is an attractive trait to girls. You’re going to put yourself in a position to be seen as the guy who’s leading the interaction. 

Smiling helps a lot when approaching. You’re not giving people or girls an excuse to outright reject you. 

  • Being Social Throughout the Night

One other thing I learned about approaching girls in night clubs is that people wait too long to be social and to be in a social interaction. One of the advice from the pick up artist community that works quite well for approaching in the night club is to make sure you’re always in an interaction.

Your results can be maximized this way. This helps in social momentum as well. When you’ve gotten over your first few rough approaches, socializing and meeting new people becomes natural and fun. When you combine the adrenaline of approaching an attractive girl. These gives you a higher probability of succeeding. 

  • Have Fun!

When we’re going about our day, many of us are in a logical headspace, either from school or work. For months straight, I was either writing for the blog or catching up with academic duties. It can really hurt your social muscles.

Socializing is a creative activity. It is NOT a logical activity. In addition to that, thinking and obsessing too much about pick up technique or theory can mess your head up. How I deal with a logical headspace is to get into a social headspace by chatting with my friends, strangers, Hi 5-ing people in the club, having fun in general.

The ultimate rule of them all: bring fun to others. This includes your wingmen, your buddies, your friends and the new people you meet in a club. Think about it, why would others want to meet you unless you bring something to the table? If someone who dresses poorly just came up to you and creep up to you, you’re probably going to reject him or her. 

Flip that around and put yourself in the shoes of others. 

Ask yourself this: what’s valued in a night club situation?

Connections, fun, friends and alcohol. Unless you’re popping bottles (and your bank account) then you’d better be having fun and introducing people to each other. When you’re talking to strangers, approach attractive girls, and introducing them to each other, you automatically put yourself in a favourable position. You become the guy that everyone wants to know. 

If you feel good, the people around you will feel good. If you feel sexy, she’ll feel sexy as well.

Lastly, it’s common for someone to put himself under a fuck ton of pressure when going out. Unless you’re the kind of person that performs under pressure, it’s merely going to work against you.  I’m not huge into inner game self-talk. It’s unnecessary. 

Understanding the Flow of the night

Now, once you got all of that preparation down, you can plan your strategies according to the flow of the night. 

When you’re relying on your emotional state to approach, you’re going to burn out even before the night begins.  

The club is a chaotic place with people moving around, the influence of alcohol, drunk friends and pretty girls to talk to. You got to embrace the chaos. However, at the same time, you’ve got to have structure. Finding the balance is the sweet spot.

Having a rough picture of how a night should go and flow can help you wrestle back control, and start implementing what you need to do at different point of the night.

Figure Out The Sequence of the Night

  • Pre-Party

Depending on your lifestyle and your friends, you might be meeting up for dinner or pre-drinks before that. 

  • 1130 pm to 1230am

When you’re going in early at around 1130pm, this will allow you be start approaching in a social manner. This is the time where clubs aren’t that crowded yet. 

The ideal would be just to go in and start talking to the small groups of people and warm up socially. You’re rarely going to get a girl interested in you off the bat around this time. This time is about building some connections, getting some phone numbers, having a little bit of fun, and just letting lose a little.

  • 1230am to 230am

This is the point where you hit it hard and find interactions to commit to. This is where most ‘game’ comes into play. You’re approaching a lot, you’re getting rejected and you’re finding that one or two quality interactions that you’re going to commit to for the rest of the night. 

It’s rare that she’s going to be alone. She’s going to be with her friends, both male and female. You’re going to spend the majority of your time winning over the influence of her friends, asserting yourself with her and getting her to subtlety signal to her friends that she likes you, and wants to be with you. You’re going to go from stranger, to somebody who has mutual affection and interest in her. 

  • 230am Onwards

Ideally, you’ve also collate a list of numbers you’ve gotten for the earlier on. You can start texting them to gauge their level of interest and go for the ones that are highest likely to go back with you.

You’re also being more polarizing and finding out where you and she stand in the interaction you are in. 

This is the point where you’re ideally with a girl that likes you a lot and her friends are comfortable with you being around her (and potentially bringing her home). You’ve established to her and her friends that you’re interested in her sexually and her friends are alright with that.

Getting there is the part where ‘game’ comes in. It’s a fine balance between socially empathetic and socially dominant.

  • Taking Her Home 

Ideally, you’ve found a girl that’s interested in you sexually. She downs to have fun, her friends aren’t in your way and she knows how to deal with it. This is the part where you take full responsibility and you lead. This is done by finding excuses for her to go ahead without her friends and for her to come back to yours. 

There is chaos in meeting women through night clubs, however, there’s an underlying structure beneath all of it. If you understand the rough outline of meeting women in clubs, you have a structural advantage the majority who doesn’t know what they’re doing. I see guys attempting to ‘day game’ from 1am to 2am. It’s ridiculous. What makes you thing some random stranger outside the club is going to go back with you? She’s probably on her way to another club, or on her way to meet her friends. Your chances are best IN the club. 

How to Flirt in Clubs: Cold Read and Tease

Firstly, keep your sentences short and sweet. There’s no need to roll off words of gold your mouth. The words that actually tumble off your mouth don’t really matter. Your intentions are going to matter more than the words said. 

Women are fairly intuitive and they can figure out your intentions. They don’t hear what you’re saying verbally, but your intentions. You can say whatever you want to, but your intentions are always louder than what you say verbally. 

Whatever that rolls off your mouth in the club, your intentions are going to say: I like you, that’s why I’m talking to you. She’s going to know what’s up.

Just in case, if you don’t know how to start a conversation with a stranger. Here are my two favourite lines:

“Hi, I’m Marcus”
“Hi, I just want to say Hi”

That’s it. Plain and simple. 

You got be comfortable at approaching strangers and striking a 5 minutes’ conversations. There’s a social momentum with it. Move on quickly from interactions that don’t go anywhere. Getting the initial approach down is just a small portion of the picture. It’s what you do for the next 5 minutes in the interaction that matters. 

The clubs are noisy, with loud music. You can’t talk much and you have to rely a lot on short sentences. People are there to have fun and not to have meaningful or deep conversations. I’m a nerd and enjoy nerdy conversations. However, in a club, you got to stick to short sentences, good body language, and physicality.

The club is not a great place to have long conversations, hence it’s important to know how to flirt with her physically.

Flirting with her physically is accomplished using non verbal communications. When you’re cold reading and teasing her, you should also standing really close to her. You can then touch her lightly on the elbows or waist, to gauge how receptive she is to your advances. Teasing her also shows sexual intent and interest

“You seem like a really friendly person, what’s with that shocked look on your face?”

There was a point where I was cold reading too much in the club. I had to fine tune my approaches. I had to limit my interactions to one cold read for the purpose to break the ice, and then move on to teases, role playing and flirting with her physically right off the bat.  If the girl likes you, she’ll be okay with you touching her.

Being Physical: Flirt and Get Physical Right Off the Bat

In a cold interaction, it’s on you to lead the interaction. You have to lead verbally, emotionally, physically and logistically. Girls, especially Asian girls, are not going to give you an inch of space. That’s because it’s deemed slutty or creepy for a girl to initiate a conversation. She’ll be afraid of how other girls will judge her in that moment if she initiated. 

Furthermore, the hotter girls are never going to lead for you. That’s because they get approached on all the time and are rarely at the leading of the interaction where they have to take charge. 

Here are some quick examples: 

“You can be my little sister.” + Hug.
“I’m kidding, you’re awesome.” + Hug

The push pull dynamic should be complimented with shoulder hugs or waist hugs. Rinse and repeat this process and you’ll get an emotionally charged interaction.

Touching a girl in the club also has got a lot to do with just grabbing it by the balls and being physical with a girl. Pulling the trigger and polarizing the interaction is more one of the key aspects of picking up girls in the clubs. 

However, it’s important to note that some guys go up and are immediately are too physical with the girl. That might get you massive attraction off the bat, but it’s not socially smooth and it’ll hurt chances continuity in the interaction. 

I know someone who can barely string a proper English sentence together. However, he approaches girls and claws them in with his muscular frame and attempts to kiss them within the first minute of the interaction. It’s a bold approach that polarizes girls immediately. 

You can also lead her to the dance floor to get physically intimate with her. It’s also a potential place to make out with her. However, there are just some girls that won’t go to the dance floor because she might just want to stick to her friends, or her friends might judge her for going to the dance floor with a guy and etc.

One tip I found out is to never ask, but to attempt to lead her physically. Just grab her by the hand, and get her to follow.

Re-approaching Her and Giving Her Space and Time 

More often than not, girls aren’t really receptive at the start of the night. They also won’t go home with you when they’ve just entered the club. They want to drink, hang out with friends, party a little, have a crazy story when they’re out with a couple of friends. You’re most probably not going to get much results from your initial interaction with her.

So what happens if you’re not making out with her at the start of the night? It’s simple, you get her contact number, leave the interaction, and talk to your friends or other girls. You can leave all your interactions, and re-approach her later. 

The entire club becomes your friend. You not only make new friends, but now, you have some social proof that you can leverage on to make more friends, and look popular and awesome in her eyes. 

One other common mistake I see is guys grabbing her and touching her on the get go when approaching. That’s great. That’s actually recommended. However, it’s not about just grabbing and touching her, it’s about calibration. Remember, two steps forward and one step back. 

In general, guys know immediately whether we want to have sex with a girl in a couple of seconds. Women require more time and information to make a decision on that. When you give her space, and show that you have empathy, you already stand out from 99% of the male population.  That’s also an attractive trait.

This can be demonstrated using statements like: ‘I understand how you feel’, ‘If I’m being too pushy, let me know’. 

Handling Her Friends

Some times, I hang out with a couple of guys from the pick up community, they’ll have intense battle plans and tactics before going into the club. They’ll select out their wings, come up with customized plans to ‘distract her friends’. It’s also known as the ‘isolation’ tactic that many dating coaches preach. 

Girls, especially the hot ones are going to be hitting the clubs as an entourage. They also feel safer and secure with their friends, so let them be! 

Secondly, what does it say about your value as a man if you have to resort to such tactics in order to get her attracted to you. It just merely means that you aren’t enough, and that you need to ‘distract’ her friends in order for her to like you. 

The better way to do it is to win the influence of her and her friends. It’s also a more sustainable manner.

I know, some times the friends of girls can be a major cock block. I’ve been there multiple times. The best strategy is to often kill them with kindness. Talk to the fat friend. Imagine how she feels when her friend always gets all the attention when they go out to the club and she gets completely ignored.

Some times, things may not go your way. She may be overly invested in her friend’s opinion of her rather than actually having fun in the club and meeting people. If two people lead a codependent relationship, there’s not much you can do to convince them otherwise. They’re not right for you, you simply have to move on. 

The first rule of social skillsets is this: make it fun! Come from a point of adding value to someone’s night. Don’t be a social leech. Bring fun and add something to the group.

If you’re dressed well, and are having a good time and experience good emotions, you’ll automatically feel good and be able to ‘add’ to the fun of someone else’s night. 

Talk to her guy friends and acknowledge them. If you notice something cool about someone, be it a guy or not, then say it. It’ll show that you have social intelligence. Furthermore, everyone likes to be appreciated and talked to

Most of the times, the most beautiful girl will have the highest social value in the group. The group will more or less compliant to her. Sometimes, you won’t actually have to win her friends over, as they are all following her lead in the interaction.

However, that’s not always the case. It’s your job to lead in conversation, physicality, and logistically. How good you do this will determine if the rest of the group would comply or tell you to fuck off. 

You’ll have to aware of the self-interest of everyone at given point of time. What are their intentions and behavior? What do they want? Do they like the same girl as you do, and if so, how are you going to manoeuvre yourself in a socially savvy manner to get the girl that you want.

Here are the general guidelines when faced with confrontations: 

  • Kill Them With Kindness
  • Make Him Look Like He or She One Taking Out all The Fun
  • Move On to The Next Interaction
  • Hook Them up with Someone Else

One other thing that helps a lot with immediate influence is your dress sense. If you’re dressed like you’re an influence, people will defer and give you more leeway in social settings. Lastly, there’s no way about it. Getting good at this requires guts and rejection. You’re going to piss someone off in the process of getting what you want out of interactions. You cannot please everyone.

How to Pick up Girls on The Dancefloor

The dancefloor in the club can be considered the meet markets of the club. Think about it, the tables are for huge social groups. The bar is for people to get drinks. The dancefloor is actually the place where girls and guys go to meet each other. It’s rare to find a guy approaching outside the dancefloor. Even if so, if he’s to approach in the dancefloor, it’s normally through body language, and less words.

  • First Rule is To Have Fun

Having a ton of fun and putting on a smile on your face is the first step to attracting more attention on the dancefloor.

Approaching a girl on on the dancefloor is either through body language or just going up to say Hi. There’re no other forms of communications that I’m aware of.

  • Less Words more Dancing

The dance floor is a messy place, with guys, girls, music and all of that jumping. It’s close to impossible to have a verbal interaction on the dance floor. The dance floor is where you have to approach strong and make your prescene known.

You’re going to have problems in talking in long sentences. Short sentences like saying Hi, and asking her for her name is alright. The key is to get physical as fast as possible. Either with shoulder hugs, dancing beside her, or grinding behind her.

  • Lead Like Your Life Depends on It

Don’t ask for permission to move. Just grab her by the hand and go to the dance floor. The majority of pick up is just grabbing life by the balls and just doing it. It’s assumed attraction.

  • Speaking with Your Body: Physically Escalating on Her Fast

Unless she’s really into you, it’s not a good strategy to just go up behind her and grinding her.

Even if so, there so many objections: her friends, she doesn’t know you, she doesn’t even know your name. It’s better to dance beside with light shoulder touches be a way to flirt on the dance floor, and then move on from there. If they are comfortable with that, then move behind them. If they’re comfortable with you being behind them, then make a move by holding her waist. 

You can also strike minimal conversation to stand out. 

Once you’ve ‘opened’ using body language or verbally, it’s time to escalate and lead. Firstly, dance by her side. Then escalate by putting your hands on her shoulder or her waist. Then proceed, to dance behind her. Then turn her around with her facing you. Then the make-out.

The rule of thumb is similar to all other interactions: always be leading.

Learning how to pick up girls on the dance floor is a subtlety. Sometimes you approach verbally and say Hi, before dancing. Other times, you approach physically (dancing) and say Hi.

Think about it. The guys that don’t know about ‘game’ is still getting results in the clubs in spite of having ‘no game’. They don’t think about fanciful openers, role plays, or intricate push/pull techniques.

They merely rely on their gut and go for it.

Our social brains are evolved to pick up signals from the opposite sex. It’s just that because of past negative experiences, traumas or conditioning, we then convince ourselves with our own stories that somehow we’re not good enough, not attractive enough and that “she’s probably not interested in me”.

I used to think that there’s an ‘escalation’ ladder when it comes to touching girls. However, there are many times that you end up kissing a girl without even holding her hands or hugging her even. Emotions occur in the moment. 

  • Not Putting Her on a Pedestal

One other big insights I had from picking up girls on the dancefloor is that most of us put hot girls on the pedestal. This is especially so in the club where a vagina is somewhat the most valued currency, second to the guys splashing their cash on tables and drinks to impress the girls.

Combine this with just about every other mainstream advertising campaign that’s where you get pussy being put on the pedestal.

This is where techniques and lines has it’s limits. It’s our own self worth, our own beliefs of our attractability, and out own beliefs about people, girls and ourselves that hold us back.

  • How to Handle her Friends?

There are going to be instances where you’ll get rejected. Her friends will pull her away and give you a creep stare. It happens a lot, especially in more conservative cultures. Here’s the truth: you can’t control other people’s behaviour. You can only control your own behaviour.

The rule of thumb is to make friends with her friends. Be friendly, yet assertive. This takes a little intuition. Look at her body language, is she worried about what her friends think? Is she looking for approval from her friends. If so, you should then adjust and befriend her friends.

On other occasions, I think it’s alright to just go for it. If she’s alright with it, her friends will be alright with it.

Like all other areas of getting good with girls. You’re not going to do well on the dancefloor if you don’t have your basics such as body language and your fashion sense down. Intentions are also a big part of picking up girls on the dancefloor. Some times, I see guys approaching girls like mechanically like machines, most of the time it just doesn’t turn out well. 

How to Take Her Home

The principles on how to take a girl home from the club is similar to how to take girls home in general. You got lead like your life depends on it and relieve her of the pressure of feeling like a slut. 

So what are the signs?

If you’re making out heavily and she’s all over you. It’s safe to say that she’s down. Some other signs include: she isolates herself from her friends with you, she’s willing to take your lead or she’s willing to grab supper with you. This can only be found out by leading in the interaction. This can be accomplished by making leading statements: let’s grab supper. Grab her hand, and lead without apology. You got to be fully responsible for seducing her.