It’s not uncommon to hear as a dating coach that Singaporean women are superficial or materialistic and are only willing to date men who are well off financially. So, are Singaporean girls really superficial and materialistic? Or is a mere projection of our insecurities?
Dating a Singaporean Women – Is She Materialistic?
There are a couple of articles floating online that suggests that Singaporean women are spoilt, have an inflated sense of self worth and expect to get treated like princesses. However, they aren’t really credible sources, so I decided to omit them.
However, for every stereotype, there’s a small dose of truth. I generally do find the average Singaporean women ‘spoilt’ in the sense that a lot of them aren’t able to hold down a meaningful conversation (which is ironic for being educated in one of best education systems in the world). You also could argue that the majority of Singaporeans can’t hold down a fucking meaningful conversation.
However, I do note that my values aren’t exactly similar to traditional Singaporean and a lot of times it’s a mere mismatch of values.
Surprise, surprise, there’s actually an article with data points that goes to show YES, Singaporean girls are do account for finances when choosing a long term partner, most of them stating that they account for finances when looking for a husband or a long term relationship. There’s also a survey that says that Singaporean women aren’t willing to date someone who is shorter than them.
You can argue that from an evolutionary standpoint. Females want to be with males that have wealth and resources so that they are able to care for their offspring. Just like how males want to be with physically attractive females that has positive indicators of the ability to give birth: nice hair, wide hips and etc.
However, people also choose mates not just because they want to fuck each other brains out or give birth to a healthy offspring, but also other factors such as personal values, emotional attachment, lifestyle compatibility and etc.
So what gives?
The Singaporean ‘Invisible Scripts’ with Singaporean Women
How about looks, popularity, intelligence and social status? Do Singaporean women care about them?
Fact is, they do. You and I do too, along with all other women and men all around the world when it comes toc hoosing our romantic partners. You often hear Singaporean men complaining about being insecure about dating up: They can’t date Singaporean women who is smarter than them more qualified than them or earn more than them.
I’m sure a lot of Singaporeans men face similar problems and project it on our potential partners.
Here’s my personal experience. I think that the majority of Singaporean women are able to finance, feed themselves and aren’t exactly looking to date a multi millionaire. Of course, minus the gold diggers, which you should avoid at all cost.
However, it’s because of cultural expectations: you need to marry rich in order to have a good life that they find themselves projecting it in their dating life.
Some of my girl friends often tell me they expect to end up with a millionaire or a rich man. In actuality, their behavior speaks otherwise and they don’t end up dating a millionaire but an average Singaporean male.
In my experience, the majority of Singaporean women (minus the gold diggers) are willing to adjust what they value in a partner if you have an attractive personality and are able to connect with them in a way that a lot of others can’t.
The Ugly Combination
If I was being honest with you, my dating life was at it’s peak when I had no money in my first couple of years in University. That was when I didn’t give a fuck. It was only in my mid twenties when I measured myself on financial achievement and projected them onto my dating life.
Here are the metrics that I (and many others) measure themselves:
- Your type degree I was taking or if you were going to achieve a first class honors
- The amount of money you are making
- Your job
Ultimately, because of these cultural narratives, media influences and a traditional culture that emphasizes material wealth as a metric of success, you get a mish mesh of poth sexes projecting their insecurities on each other.
On one hand, you get an ugly mesh up of Singaporean men projecting their insecurities on wealth to Singaporean women who are… materialistic?
On the other hand, you get nice guy behaviors from Singaporean men (parents/people/woman pleasing) that results in… Singaporean women being more spoilt who ‘expected to be treated like princesses’.
You catch the pattern here? It’s happens both ways and no one sex is responsible for these problems.
Until our culture matures and learn how to define itself not through traditional metrics of success, this is going to be the status quo.
Your Insecurities? Or are Those ‘Invisible Scripts?’
I grew up in a traditional Asian, Singaporean culture family where I was told that if I did not do well in school, get a respectable degree, get a respectable job, if not I was a failure. I had a friend who told me she would on consider dating guys from a local University. In Singapore culture, there’s a huge measurement of success based on how well off financially you are.
Here is what you’re taught from day one as a Singaporean male growing up. You want to get a girlfriend? Work hard, earn money, get a respectable job, be nice. Our parents are always telling us to get a job, to get a degree, so that you can get a job and be ‘useful to society’.
Not to mention to exposure to cultural and mainstream influence us everyday. In movies and the drama serials, they all tell us the same narrative: The people with money gets the pussy.
These beliefs are often the results of the Singaporean cultural narrative: where success in life is measured by grades, money and status. Invisible cultural scripts that have been told by our culture and society and stories that we continue to tell ourselves year after year.
Not only these beliefs and worldviews hurt us in life, it hurts us when it comes to attracting women.
Invisible Scripts: Singaporean Women Put on a Pedestal
It’s interesting to observe the language that us guys (I’m guilty of it as well) use when we land a date or hooked up with a girl.
Just last week, I heard someone say: ‘I just slept with this girl. She’s from X local University in Singapore. What’s even cooler is that she studies medicine.’
There are many things wrong with that statement.
Firstly, you’re coming from a standpoint that you’re somewhat inferior than her by saying that she studies medicine, hence, she’s a better conquest.
That’s pussy placed on a pedestal.
So what if you’re not from a top University in Singapore? So what if you’re not studying medicine? So what if she’s studying medicine? Why should you, a human being who is trying his best in life, feel any a bit inferior to someone who’s studying a ‘top course’ in a ‘top University’ in Singapore?
How to Get Over These ‘Invisible Scripts’?
So, these are the invisible scripts that influence your behavior.
The bottom-ine is this: what can you do about it?
- Realize attracting women is determined by behavior and not necessarily assets
This is why I say a lot of this dating advice thing is sorting out your own emotional realities in the first place. When you got your life stories down, there’s no reason for you to express yourself honestly instead of relying on external metrics of success (degrees, social status) in attempt to sex or affection with a woman.
Someone who’s truly confident don’t measure themselves up that way.
This is why pick up artist techniques are just a superficial strategy at best. It’s a band aid that you slapped on when you were bleeding.
- Invest in yourself: adopt these attractive behaviors
Look, I’m not saying you do not need to get your finances right. However, being sexually desirable is different from long term commitment desirable. You should always try to improve your financial life. However, you should not be reliant on it.
Personal plug: I created an entire course on social skills and personality change based on decades of psychological research and real life systems.
- Learn social skills
Look, ultimately, you can’t be a slob or a bum.
Looks is one of the factors that girls look at, as an indicator of status. Hell, it’s one of the factors like people in general look that.
If you dress poorly and don’t shower, don’t expect to getting laid anytime soon. If you show up on a date dressed sloppily. It’s not Singaporean women being superficial, it’s YOU being a bum.
However, looks isn’t the ONLY determinant if a girl is willing to go out on a date with you. From, experience wise, it rarely is.
- Understand the psychology of invisible scripts and how they hold you back
Ultimately, you still got to dig deep into your emotional maps and look at the root of your problems: why you’re so invested in these metrics of success?
Why are YOU chasing degrees, cars, the next condominium and all of that just to get the… vagina.
I can’t deny it; it affects me as well.
- Develop long term personality and behavioral change
STOP focusing on just looks or just money.
Good looks help, but not having good looks doesn’t hurt either. You’ve probably seen countless not so physically attractive guys, with attractive girls right?
I think the good looks issue is something that affects not only Singaporean culture but the entire planet.
I know of men that are well off financially but can’t land a date for nuts. I know guys that draw a handsome close 5 figure salary, drive a Mercedez Benz but can’t get a quality date to save his life.
Mainstream culture scripts that tells you that you need the 6 pac abs to get girls. There were months I felt I was never ready to go out and talk to girls until I achieved a certain body weight. This was despite being in relative alright body shape.
The misconstrued perception that you need lots of money to attract women is flawed. The research shows that if you display the behaviors of someone who potentially might become rich, famous, or successful, you’re equally attractive as someone who is already rich, famous or successful.
This is why I was successful in my dating life when I was in my first couple of years as a broke, unsuccessful University student because I was so passionate about psychology and growth that it rubbed off the women I dated. It surely wasn’t because I was doing an ‘accounting degree’, because I can assure you I sucked at it.
Closing Thoughts on Singaporean Women
I’m not saying Singaporean women aren’t completely not at fault here. I’ve had instances where my girl friends say they wouldn’t date anyone from a private University, or that he has to be a millionaire or some childish and naive metric. Some of them don’t even deserve to say that when they themselves rarely bother to go to the gym to develop a better personality.
It’s also NOT surprising that the ones with these naïve metrics that end of with someone much lower than their expectations.
Lastly, if you’re sacrificing your emotional life for some absurd metric, then good luck to you, because you’re going to turn off every man or woman that comes along your way.
Even if you succeed in doing so, as David Foster Wallace writes brilliantly:
If you worship money and things, if they are where you tap real meaning in life, then you will never have enough, never feel you have enough. It’s the truth. Worship your body and beauty and sexual allure and you will always feel ugly. And when time and age start showing, you will die a million deaths before they finally grieve you.
I also know is extremely difficult for the average Singaporean male to be self aware that he’s going nowhere with these cultural scripts. If you’re not developing yourself, taking risks and complain that Singaporean women are spoilt brats and materialistic, then you’re just giving yourself excuses.
It can’t be saying that ALL of the women in Singapore are materialistic and spoilt right?
Ultimately, you do not need more information, you do not need more degrees, achievements or a million dollars in the bank.
You, need to take action.
End note: If you’re interested, I also wrote an article about dating Singaporean men.
Photo Credits: Joe Siegel