Hi, I’m Marcus,
Edtior, founder and dating coach of MarcusNeo.Com. This is my site, where I publish practical dating advice site for men.
The first event that hit me really hard was when I broke off with my ex girlfriend when I was 19. That was my first serious relationship. I went to Hong Kong with a trip with my friends and we had an argument while I was there. She broke up with me through text. I was left rock bottom for next year or so.
I started my foray into the pick up artist community when I chanced upon the book ‘The Game’.
For the typical Asian kid, you’ll considered your chances with women as an area of life that is left purely to luck or fate. It fueled me on a journey of partial obsession.
So during my military days, I used my free time to do one thing and one thing only: to get good at girls.
I remembered reading and analyzing text messages from girls for hours. I remembered one time I got a girl laughing and I was extremely happy. The ‘neg’ was working!
I was so afraid of texting some girls that I had my best friend at that point in time, to text them for me. That was how much I sucked at girls.
I spent the next year Googling tactics, downloading eBooks, flipping through one pick up theory after another, trying out ‘negs’ and all sorts of techniques. You ever saw that hand shake and spin ‘opener’? Yes, I did that as well. I got a few laughs and giggles. That’s all. I was still staring into my computer on Friday night. No numbers, no dates, no sex and no relationships.
So, one year passed like that, I told myself. I NEEDED change in my life. This ISN’T working out. I was desperate to change my fate with girls. I made a decision. I purchased one the most premium programs in town at that point of time by a self proclaimed top dating coach.
Through the program, I made friends with other students who were going through the same problems. Yes, I made good progress in a couple of months, however, there was still missing pieces in the puzzle. I found the training to be lacking in practicality and actionability.
The majority of the training is theory based and not a lot of it translated into real world practicality.
Furthermore, I didn’t like sitting in classrooms, I preferred taking action.
- Firstly: The coach wasn’t willing to demonstrate. How was I going to learn from someone who didn’t want to demonstrate even the basics of approaching a girl?
- Secondly: The majority of the material was a copy and paste from some other pick up artist material.
Needless to say, I did my own research.
I also read up on behaviour change and psychology.
So gradually, I improved. I started dating C level models and University students. I also started traveling: Japan, Bali, Thailand, Taiwan, United States and Europe and dated a girls from foreign cultures.
I also spent a bit of time collating ideas, writing about dating and documenting it.
I don’t really buy the entire self help movement. I think a lot of it is mental masturbation. However, I do borrow quite a bit from psychology. I mean, it’s closest you can get to the science of human behaviour right?
You can also some insights by looking into your past, whether be it a strict upbringing or past trauma.
However, you still need to do the hardwork.
I also try to back up the advice using research. I also use my own first-hand real-life stories as examples and case studies. I don’t publish advice that I don’t use in my own life.
The Truth about Dating Advice: Can You Pay a Dating Coach to Help You?
Everyone of your male friends probably assume that they could get laid whenever they wanted, how many of them actually can do it?
Here’s the cold truth: less than 2% of men actually knows what they were doing.
Initially, my goals were to get into stocks and finance, you know, the typical Asian route. Hence, I did an accounting and finance degree. However, I was disinterested in the impractical theory in University and I preferred entrepreneurship.
That’s how I started off as a dating coach in Singapore.
I started a couple of websites and coached University students, working professionals in Singapore for a period of time. I don’t really give a fuck if you believe that I’m good or not. I also stopped publishing ‘infield reports’ like the rest of the pick up industry. It’s an unclassy thing to do and I have a social circle to keep.
- The truth about all of dating advice
The majority of what you hear and read on mainstream media, YouTube and books such as like ‘The Game’ isn’t 1) practical or 2) sustainable.
You see this in the form of people going for crazy spins in the clubs. Whilst this is great for YouTube, it paints an unrealistic picture on how social interactions actually work. Secondly, these strategies aren’t sustainable.
Thirdly, you can’t completely objectify human communication.
This is why two different guys saying the exact lines to a girl can result in two completely reactions.
Think about the last time someone bragged to you and you can kind of get that feeling that he’s bragging. It’s not about what and how you say it, it’s about why you say it.
- Un realistic marketing and expectations
One common technique used in coaching is the ineffective ‘flooding’ tactic. This is not only non-effective, but research shows that you won’t build a habit doing it this way, you’ll fall back to your old self within a week or two.
You probably felt good for that one weekend and found yourself returning to your old self after two weeks.
Despite what all other self-help gurus and self-proclaimed ‘inner game’ masters tell you, psychological research shows that there’s no way to rewire your anxieties than to go replace them with higher order habits.
- The Universal Method
I’m born and raised here form the heartlands in Singapore. I understand the background, culture and nuances of the Singapore social culture.
My goal was to find something replicable universally, regardless of country or culture.
This is why I’m heavily reliant on research and principles. You’ll just have to adjust for them to be applicable in from Western to Asian cultures.
- EVERYBODY gets rejected, dating coach or not
I get rejected, a lot. If anyone out there claims that he doesn’t get rejected, he’s marketing you a lie. Everybody gets rejected, even the best in the world. Nobody has it down all the time.
However, rejection, pain, loss and grief are normal and neccesary. I’ll even argue that they are helpful to an extent.
- On mainstream dating advice
Let me ask you, how many people sign up for expensive seminars, pay some expensive coach, go home, come back a year later with nothing much to show in their life?
Well, that’s the majority. I once also paid for dating coach who didn’t do demonstrations. If you ever pay for coaching, make sure he’s able to minimally demonstrate!
This is skin in the game.
- On Success
For a couple of years straight, I improved quickly and started dating 6,7 and 8s.
However, I built an ego around it and considered myself successful. That was when I plateau for YEARS straight. If I was being honest with myself, for years, I wasn’t really dating the quality of girls I desired.
Furthermore, marketing myself as a dating coach merely built an extra layer of ego.
It’s common for people to identify with their successes. That was true for me, and true for a lot of people. Hence it’s rare for someone to become world class at this.
I consider myself better that the average man out there however, I’m still learning myself.
- Lines and techniques can work, but only as a structure and framework
I haven’t got anything against using lines and techniques as training wheels. I used to rely on them as well, to a certain extent.
They can be used as a crutch initially, however, you’ll need to learn how to use your own stories, your own personality to connect with others.
Pursue women from a standpoint of boldness. Humble yourself to the world. Failure and rejection are inevitable. If you’re going to treat everyone else an object, then, needless to say, you’re not going to get far in your dating life.