I was with a friend in a club in Singapore and I approached this group of Chinese girls. I started talking to one of them. She was quite shy. I tried asking her to dance, and she politely declined and said introduced me to another girl who she thought would be more interested in dancing. I said Hi to the friend, and I could tell she kind of interested, subtlely looking in my direction whilst dancing to the music.
Picking up a girl in English is tough enough, much less in the club, and in Mandarin. Nevertheless, attraction is not a choice. Never mind the words and superficialities. The game is played on an emotional level. Words are actions are said to be only tectonics plates.
She stayed and entertained me for a bit and floated to and fro between her friends and me. The thing about approaching is that people think that an ‘no response’ from a girl means a negative response.
Time is your best wingman, and the longer you are in an interaction, the better it is. Of course, take this advice with a pinch of salt. If you’re in an interaction and they are showing you negative body language, then you got to back off.
Basically, the night I met her was pretty much uneventful, they had VIP seats, and I was just a normal pick up artist running around clubs talking to cute girls. Even so, if was hard enough to communicate in Mandarin in the club. I got her WeChat and decided to text her the next day.
First Date Out with Her
For some reason, it didn’t take much texting to persuade her to come out with me. I was quite pushy on text (in Mandarin). Thank God for Google translate. Read: It reminded me of the times I had to Google translate everything when I was on a date with a girl in Vietnam. Fun times.
She wanted to bring her friend. I obliged. I was going to meet a bunch of friends in town for drinks and thought it’ll be fun to improvise along with the situation. I picked her and her friend up, and we headed to town in Singapore.
Since I’m not well-versed in Chinese, one of my friends helped with the niceties and chatted with them. I flirted with her by kicking her ass in pool, used Snap Chat filters to entertain both of us (and to secretly record infield footage) and flirted with her in my severely limited Chinese vocabulary.
Flirting in the Chinese language was attempting the impossible for me.
However, attraction is not only something that you do but being attractive is something that you are.
The biggest lesson that I learned from this date is logistics. She brought her friend out to hang out with a bunch of my friends, so it was hard to leave her friend behind whilst I went out on a date with her. Perhaps, I could have been bolder and told her friend to let me hang out with her alone.
Solving the logistics problem also depends on their relationship. Real friends would want their friends to be happy and go out with a friend they approve as well. However, more often than note, friends cockblock the hell out of each other.
I also want to make a point that there are limitations to social dynamics and social skills. We ultimately cannot control how people react to us.
There were two ways to go about it:
- I could continue attempting to use ‘game’, ‘isolation’ and retarded PUA terms to continue on this interaction. Which my friends at that point of time were advising me to.
- Just be honest, and tell them I liked her and wanted to hang out with her alone.
In hindsight, I should have gone with option 2 and offered to send the other girl back to her place. However, what actually happened was that one of my friends joined me on a double date with this girl and her friend. We went to a park in Singapore, where we supposed to ‘escalate’.
How the hell am I suppose to escalate when her friend is around, and it’s an all-round embarrassment for everyone? The guy that came along with me was supposed to escalate on her, and I was supposed to escalate at the same time?
Of course, nothing happened in the park. I didn’t try anything as well, it was just off for me.
Vulnerability in Action
There came a point where I couldn’t give a fuck anymore. I just told the two girls that I wanted to spend time alone with her because I like her, and my friend wanted to spend time alone with the other girl because he liked her.
I was actually surprised how honest and vulnerable I can be in the Chinese language.
Well, it didn’t go through. They had work early tomorrow and wanted to go back to the hotel. I actually felt that the other girl was won over by my friend after awhile. However, my girl wasn’t having any it and kept hinting to go back to the hotel.
Here’s my point: you can’t trick girls into bed with you.
These girls go through the same academic route as all of us. They went to primary school, secondary school, Junior college, and Universities. They handle complicated Math questions such as differentiation and integration.
How much can ‘game’ actually deceive them to hook up with you?
I’m not saying NOT to understand social dynamics and persuasion. I’m saying that coming from the traditional mind frame of deception and isolation is only going to work on low self-esteemed girls (normally not that beautiful), as compared to attractive girls with high self esteem and have proper things going on in their lives.
It isn’t any wonder that some of the guys in the community are dry shocked when I tell them I only go for girls that I am genuinely attracted to. They are trying to get laid. I am trying to maximize happiness. Of course, I’m trying to get laid as well. However, I’m not happy pursuing an average girl just for so-so reasons. Just for another notch? I prefer quality.
These are the ideas I want to enforce as a dating coach. To come from a point of security, investing in oneself, instead of from a mindset of ‘game’ or deception.
My guess is that she doesn’t want to put up on the first date. She doesn’t want to be seen as slutty. Furthermore, she only had another 1-2 days in Singapore and she said she doesn’t see any reason why we can’t meet the next day.
I was pretty tired at that point of time. I told my friend that I’ll send him home, and proceeded to send her home. I’m not going to whore out/ beg just to take this girl home. If she’s really interested, she’ll meet me for another date before she leaves back to China.
Dating is a two way dance.