If you take a look the average beautiful female walking down the street, you can bet that the majority of the single male population is willing to give up some sort of time, effort and resources to get any chance to date her or sleep with her. You’ll also bet that she isn’t interested the majority of those choices. However, if played another game and told her: ‘I’m not too sure if we’re going to get along, I got to find out if you’re really the girl you say you are’. You are going to stand out from the 99% of men that will do anything, and I mean anything, just to get with her.
This is similar to business. The hot girl is the client, you’re the seller. If you’re going to sell your services, products to anyone at any time, you’re going to go broke or overwork yourself.
These days, free is overpriced. Cheap is overvalued.
I’ll let you in on a couple of ideas I’m testing recently. The art of advanced social skills and advanced business concepts is the art of disqualification.
Firstly, disqualification is often paired with qualification. To qualify a girl or a client. You need to determine your target demographic and disqualify everyone else. These principles can be observed in areas from marketing, business and dating.
How to Disqualify?
The basic idea of disqualification is to actively demonstrate to someone, whether be it a girl or potential client, that he or she is NOT a right fit for you.
There are two things that can happen:
- They agree and you don’t end up together and they don’t become your client
If you’re afraid of losing the girl or the client, I’ll argue she isn’t going to go out on a date with you or the client is look to rip you off in the first place. Either that, they are going to a client from hell and you’re not building a business relationship based on your terms.
In my experience, if any relationship, business or romantic is sapping your emotional energy, it is wiser to not foster a relationship in the first place.
- They qualify to you, value you more and you’re getting the deal or relationship based on YOUR terms
You’ll much prefer this outcome.
How to Be in the Position to Disqualify Others: Be of Value
To properly disqualify people, girls or clients, you need to build inherent value first.
You cannot disqualify people or prospects if you do not have any value. If you’re an asshole, you do NOT get to say no or evaluate others. No one is going to care anyway.
However, if you’ve built value, showed competence and demonstrated you’re a win for a client or a girl. Then you can actively evaluate the girl you’re dating or the client you’re taking on.
These days, I don’t see a reason why I should hang out, coach, work for or spend time with just about anybody. I can’t be bought with money or female validation. That’s because I am a multi-disciplined, self-invested individual. Through the years, I built multiple skillsets from business to my social skills and am only still continuing to do so.
Okay, so, how can you put yourself in the position to choose, evaluate and disqualify?
How to Be in the Position to Disqualify Others: Have Options
Secondly, you are in a much better position to actively disqualify girls, clients and others when you hit a certain threshold of potential prospects.
If you got plentiful of clients coming into your business. You don’t need to take on clients for dirt cheap. If you are texting 3 hot girls simultaneously, you aren’t going to feel needy over one outcome. This is why I invested in multiple digital marketing skillsets such local SEO to generate cold clients on my own. This way, I don’t need rely on that one Uncle, or friends of friends for sales.
In fact, most of my friends or family are NOT my clients. My clients come from the cold market. They do NOT have any form of negotiation power over me. In fact, I actively disqualify my friends from my dating and life coaching programs or doing business with me. That’s because a lot of them want my knowledge for free or for cheap. They also take offence when you tell them no.
In your dating life, if you are seeing 3-4 high-quality girls at the same time, you have utmost negotiating power. This is why I recommend learning how to cold approach girls. This way, you’re solving the problem of quantity. You can also actively evaluate and disqualify potential dates. You can ultimately build social and romantic relationships based on YOUR terms.
Take the hot girl example, 99% of men are looking to do anything to date them. I’m also talking about really hot girls. The 8, 9s and 10s. If you played that similar game as the majority, you’ll NEVER get close to dating her.
Why Disqualification to Win?
I started off mastering social skills and persuasion as a YES man. I’d say YES to events, business opportunities, introductions, trips and I was the guy that was flexible and easy to get along. Yes, that helped a lot.
However, as I matured, I realized it’s so much better to say NO and truly evaluate how and who you spend your time and effort with.
These days, I’m always evaluating how I feel after spending time with someone. If I feel emotionally recharged, listened to or if I learned something from him or her, I’ll continue pursuing that relationship. If I don’t, if I feel disrespected, belittled or unjustly criticized then I’ll stop pursuing that relationship.
In my business career, I had instances where potential clients waste my time by getting me to draft out long thought out proposals for their digital marketing campaigns and I don’t hear back from them. No, no more. You need to be a good fit to work with me.
I had instances where clients want discounts for my dating and life coaching programs. No, if you are looking for cheap programs, you’re not a good fit for my programs. You’re clearly not willing to pay for value.
In my dating life, I had instances where girls waste my time and don’t show up for a date. That’s on me. That’s MY fault. I didn’t qualify her properly.
If I had actively disqualified her and said: ‘You and I are probably not going to get along because you’re always late’, she’s going to either straighten up or not waste my time by not showing up.
These days, I hold by these standards throughout all my relationships, from friends, family, clients, business partners and life choices. In that sense, I’m valuing my time and myself. Only by valuing your time and yourself, that you can get others to value you and your time.
How to Get a Girl to Value You – The Art of Qualification
Human beings only value things only when they’ve earned them. The majority of us don’t function that way. The majority of people do NOT value things given to them. This is true for all of life, especially for relationships.
In the earlier days, time and money are said by many dating coaches as positive forms of investment from a girl:
If you get her to travel, meet in the middle, you’re getting some form of investment.
If you go dutch on a date, get her to buy you something if you bought her drinks/ dinner/ snacks first. You’re said to have succeeded in getting some form of investment from her.
However, you’ll soon figure that time and money aren’t actually powerful forms of investment at all. If you’re are honest with yourself, you yourself invest your time and money in all the wrong places all the time. Women do that as well.
What you want is an emotional investment. What do I mean by that? Well, you want her to be emotionally invested in a potential outcome with you.
Let me put it this way. Why is the average girl on the street more invested in what her boyfriend thinks or her as opposed to the super famous and hot celebrity or rock star? That’s because she is a lot more emotionally invested in a potential outcome with her boyfriend, as compared to the super hot and famous rock star.
Modern dating skills or ‘game’ is heavily tied to the concept of validation. You want her to invest emotionally. You want her to chase. You need to introduce possibilities, get her to work for you. You’ll also need to be able to appreciate her for who she really is.
Can you approve or disapprove of her actions? Can you be a source of validation to her in her life? This is achieved through techniques of qualification and disqualification.
How to Generate Investment – Qualification
Here’s a video on how to qualify a girl:
How to Disqualify – The Basics
If you are merely going to take a more simplistic approach: taking care of yourself, dressing well, learning how to approach and expressing direct romantic interest to girls. It can only be effective only when there is an obvious value gap. You’re going to get a lot of positive responses that go nowhere.
However, if you’re trying to punch above your weight, get the ‘8s, 9s and 10s’, you’re going to run into a wall. That’s because she isn’t invested in any outcome. She isn’t chasing. She hasn’t invested. She has already won you over right from the start.
The majority of girls/human beings aren’t able to receive compliments or interest in a direct manner. This is especially true for Asian or Singapore dating culture. They may even feel awkward if you express interest directly or authentically.
If you’re putting all of your cards on the table without any form of investment on her end, you’re giving away too much power too early on. Secondly, she doesn’t really feel truly appreciated by you. That’s because you haven’t ‘qualified’ or ‘disqualified’ her. Only by actively approving, disapproving, taking and giving validation, you get her to chase and emotionally invest.
One of the ways to get her to value you is through disqualification.
It creates a value gap between you and her and gets her to think ‘Who the hell is he? I’m hot, however, this guy doesn’t seem to want to get with me. Why is that so?’
It’s also getting her to question: ‘am I not good enough?’
Here are some disqualification lines you can use:
‘You seem… interesting…’
‘You have the silliest/ most adorable expressions’
‘You and I are so not going to get along’
‘You’re actually kind of cute’
‘You would make a great girlfriend/ wife if you weren’t so X’
‘You’ll never get into my pants if you keep doing that’
They all subtly say: I’m interested but I’m not quite sold yet, you got to show me more. I’m a high value male, hence I’m also screening and judging you if you are a right fit in my life.
This is a classic old school pick up artist ‘frame’ that works up till today in the modern dating landscape.
You may say, Marcus, you’re being manipulative and you’re not being authentic.
Look, it really depends on where you’re coming from. If you’re saying it to tease her and to introduce some sexual polarity between you and her, then it’s perfectly fine. Secondly, arguably, you’re going to naturally dislike some things about her. Expressing them negatively is just a normal thing to do so.