How to Go Out Alone (For Men) – Develop Social Confidence

By Marcus Neo | Dating Advice for Men

May 14

If you’re a little advanced in ‘the game’, you’ll find that going out alone can be more efficient and effective than going out with a group. I’m sure have experienced friends around you that won’t approach no matter what. You are going to approach despite that. Or maybe all your friends are losers and don’t desire to change their social/ dating life and you’re left alone. So, how can you go out solo?

There are principles you can stick by.

How to Go Alone by Yourself and Develop Social Confidence

You must take responsibility fully for your surroundings. Take leadership of your own actions and act despite the crowd or the group. I’m not saying ditch all your friends and have your own fun, however, I’m saying, you can always go out solo.

1) Understand the Basics

The basics works, all the time: dress well, have good body language and eye contact. This means not jumping around too much, not shifting your gaze away too much. Putting on a smile, dressing well, and putting on a chill vibe is going to helps a lot. 

  • Trust Yourself on a Gut Level

There’s really something to be said about trusting yourself on a gut level. The more you look externally to replicate attractive behaviors, the more you’ll find yourself off centered. Stop looking to others to replicate, trust yourself. Trusting yourself and going for the kiss, the hand hold, or the waist grab are risky behaviours. You’re putting yourself up for rejection. However, it displays true confidence. Girls can sense that kind of behavior.

I quote Models by Mark Manson:

“Until you learn to trust your own actions and learn to pursue women with your own unique style and personality, you have learned absolutely nothing.”

  • Always Be Leading

In a cold interaction, it’s all about leading. You’ll need to lead verbally, emotionally, physically and logistically in the club. There’s something about being congruent as well. If you’re approaching directly with intent, you have to back it up by being congruent. The general rule: in your interactions, always be leading. Women respond to leadership

If you’re looking to move forward a conversation to a venue, don’t ask. She’s not going to say yes because that makes them look like the decision maker. It’s better to say: let’s grab coffee, and lead by moving first.  She’s not going to do it for you. That’s because she can’t look like ‘a slut’ in front of her friends. You need to be the one ‘responsible’.

You can use light social touches (elbows and shoulders) as a means to flirt and then move on from there. If they are comfortable with your touches, then escalate and lead. If they’re comfortable with you talking and flirting then move on to the next step such as a change in venue or getting her contact number.

2) Be Really Good at Improv to Never Run out of Words

If you are relying on routines and canned lines, you’re bound to run out of words. I once planned everything, worried about everything and tried to do every right through ‘game’ in person, in text and went to the extent of analysing every single interaction. 

Needless to say I was too stifled in my interactions. It’s a misconstrued idea that social interactions can be completely objectified. Just like the social sciences, socializing isn’t a hard science. Social interactions are like a cosmic clash. You’re an unknown entity to her, and vice versa. It’s going to be awkward for both of you, and it’s just natural. So expect some nervousness, some awkwardness and ride the waves.

If you’re too reliant on routines, you may also find yourself being the entertainer and the ‘monkey’ frame. Sometimes, I get into this whole ‘frat’ boy kind of schtick when approaching, just to get show that I’m friendly and confident and the same time.

It’s a schtick. Girls can kind of sniff that out whether you’re being authentic or you’re putting a front. Your approach can be as simple as: ‘Hi I’m Marcus, I thought you were cut and I wanted to say Hi’. This approach turns out alright for me most of the times.

3) Put Evolutionary Pressure On Yourself and Just F*cking Do It

  • Do Not Rely on Alcohol

There’s dating advice out there that absolutely against alcohol when going out to approach girls or socialize. However, if you’re using alcohol as a crutch to approach girls then that’s the problem. I have nothing against casual drinking and trying to meet girls. It’ll be socially weird if you are out on a bar just to hit on girls with on drinks on hand. If you’re just using it as a social gel, such as getting a drink with a girl who’s already into you, then it’s fine.

  • Go No Fap

I noticed a huge difference in the way I carry myself when I don’t masturbate before going out. I’ll be more motivated to approach girls and be more sexual with them. If you’re hitting the clubs at night, then don’t masturbate and preserve the energy for the night. If you really feel the urge to get one out, you can replace it that habit with exercise.

In the popular self-help book Think or Grow Rich, it’s suggested that the most successful and powerful people in history go on sexual abstinences to preserved energy for work. Research and studies also back up that pornography can screw up your perception on sex as portrays an unrealistic picture of human sexuality.

If you can’t help but need to get one off, you should only be doing it after accomplishing everything you want to achieve in the day. 


Ultimately, you need to have a winners attitude. You need to be responsible for your own results and stop worrying about things you can’t control: other people’s actions and emotions.  You have to constantly remind yourself that you can only do a good job at your actions. You can’t do anything if a girl decides to slap you on the spot. You can’t do anything if you said something a joke that was funny to you but ended up pissing some stranger off. In spite of everything, pull the trigger. 

About the Author

Enjoys writing about dating, relationship, business, and psychology. Introvert yet extrovert. Likes martial arts and music, but never got around to the latter.

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