How to Keep a Conversation Going with a Girl Over Text

By Marcus Neo | Dating and Relationships

Mar 16

Here’s a general rule of thumb: your texts should where the social interaction was left off. If you’re rushing to work, approached her and only had a two minutes’ interaction, then you’re expected to text a little bit more before asking her out for coffee. If you’ve already built a great connection with her during the first time you met her, then it’s not expected for you to text a lot. Questions to ask yourself: Is she attracted to you already? How well do you know each other? Which part of the interaction are you at? What are the underlying assumptions in your interaction?

How to Keep a Conversation Going with a Girl Over Text: Three Strategies

  • Call Back Humour

You can stand out through your first text by referring to something funny you had during your initial interaction with her when you first met. It commonly referred to as the call back humour.

“Rachel the Chinese teacher! Don’t stay out too late, you have more Sun Tze philosophies to brainwash unwilling teenagers.’

  • Tease to Keep the Conversation Going and to Find Level of Interest

Check out my guide on teasing, you should be able to get creative with role plays, push-pull and misinterpretations.

  • General Rule of Thumb 

In your text messages, you need to keep it playful, light-hearted in the beginning and see how things flow from there. You should not try to make plans too early on, avoid going into interview mode, such as asking logical questions. Only go for the meetups using the soft close if there’s she’s flirting with you to and fro on the phone.

One important philosophy when it comes to texting is to keep in mind that time is your ally. One mistake I often make is to go to the meet up too early. This might work in Westernized cultures. However, in some cultures, especially Asian ones, girls love to text and going for it is merely going to get you rejected. You also need to calibrate in accordance to context, a lot of the material you find online can be quite ‘Westernized’ and you can come un-calibrated in an Asian setting.

How to Keep a Conversation Going with a Girl over Text: Having a Solid Interaction

Getting her number shouldn’t be a big deal and should only be done after you built a genuine connection. This is part of having standards and being more optimal. I try to set up specific plans during the initial interaction. This helps her to differentiate you from a stranger to a potential romantic partner. The goal of getting a girl’s number is to re-initiate mutual contact, demonstrate that you’re not a creep whilst texting her and ask her out.

You need to also pay attention to the context you’re in when going for her number. Sometimes, asking a girl out for coffee in front of her friends works well in Western cultures, whereas, in Singapore, it’s going to put a lot of social pressure on the girl.

I recommend going for the soft close when asking for her number and asking her out through text.

‘Hey, are you adventurous, how do you feel about drinks or coffee with a cute a Singaporean boy?’
‘You seem like a nice/interesting person to talk to OR *insert something genuine and interesting you had in your interaction*, we should grab coffee sometime.’

If She’s Not Responding

Is there a right way to text? How about the length of the text? The time of the text? How about the fucking number of blue ticks?

I’ve had tons of interactions that seemed to go well in real life but didn’t turn out into anything. It is something that is out of your control. Ever made out with a girl in the club and she ignores the exact next day? You start worrying and start thinking to yourself if she’s playing mind games. You then start playing mind games on your end… and she doesn’t reply once again… and you think she’s still playing mind games.

There’s no need the play mind games through texting. I’m not a huge fan of waiting X number of hours or days to text. Texting a girl is a two-way street. If you’re always pushing from one side and she’s replying plain, boring and dry responses, it means that she’s just not interested. There should be some sort of reciprocation from her. You need to remind yourself that an attractive individual doesn’t worry too much about women not texting him back and merely moves on.

Spead The Love

About the Author

Marcus Neo is an entrepreneur and coach. Enjoys writing about dating, relationship, business, and psychology. Introvert yet extrovert. Likes martial arts and music, but never got around to the latter.

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