The quantity and the quality of girls you meet are dependent on different factors and skillsets that you develop. Conquering approach anxiety will increase the number of girls you meet and developing communication skills will help with the efficiency of meeting and attracting girls. This can be as simple as placing yourself in social opportunities and then capitalizing on them.
Contrary to popular belief, dating is not a numbers game. You CAN optimize your approach. You can narrow down your ideal women. You can control the number and quality of girls you approach when you’re on night out. You can control your fashion sense, practice conversational skillsets in your spare time, understand how anxiety works and work on it when you’re in social situations.
The Art of Finding Your Perfect Woman
What I figured over the years is that no matter how much you alter your behaviour, you’re going to reject some type of people.
When you behave in X manner, you’re rejecting Y behaviour, along with the people only desire Y behaviour. There’s no other way around it. The more outspoken, vulnerable and polarizing you become, the more you’re going to be more polarizing in your social interactions.
The more well-spoken, articulate I become, the more I reject women (and people) who don’t read or aren’t interested in personal growth. I can’t get along with women who aren’t capable of communication in a deeper form of connection, to me, that’s an equivalent of social waterboarding.
Whilst I can force myself to dumb myself down (and have done so), I don’t do it recently. It’s not a surprise that I find myself more compatible with girls who are educated and well spoken.
Some important questions to ask yourself:
- Who is your ideal partner?
- Figure out their personality traits and values
- How can you develop personality traits that are similar or complimentary to theirs?
- How can you put yourself in demographics/social event to meet someone of your ideal partner?
- Develop social skillsets so you can start a conversation and interaction with people in that demographic
Secondly, more empathetic you become of others, the more varied the demographics of partners you’ll be able to date and connect with. That’s a good thing. Note that when you mold your behavior in a certain manner, you’re going to reject other forms of behavior. That’s perfectly fine. That’s actually required for you to niche down the type of man or women you want to date.
If you attempt to please everyone, you’re going to please nobody. You’ll find yourself altering your identity and personality day after day, ultimately attracting and polarizing nobody.
Like Attracts Likes – The Power of Demographics
Psychological research shows that like attract likes. People of similar self esteem end up dating each other. You also stand a much higher chance because you have overlapping values. The key here is finding overlapping values. If I am somewhat a nerd and enjoy reading up on self development blogs like this one and she enjoys debating human right issues. That’s an overlapping value.
If you’re a hot shot engineer who is brilliant with physics and mathematics and you want to date beautiful women, then let’s just say a lot of them aren’t spending their time in libraries attempting to understand intricate systems. However, if you make the effort to cultivate a fashion sense, cultivate social skills, you’ll find yourself in a position to find overlapping values.
It’s by niching down the physical and personality traits of your ideal partner, finding out his or her demographics, his or her preferred interests, and putting yourself in social events for you to increase your chances at finding a compatible partner.
Where to Meet Women
- Your Immediate Social Groups
If you don’t want the hassle of tackling the cold market, then looking within your social circle is a good strategy. This is a no brainer: Start organising or start joining people for hang out sessions. I know guys who are naturally great a keeping and maintaining different social circles with groups of guys and girls. Cultivating great social circles is a good strategy for the guy who’s patient enough to cultivate and upkeep these social relationships.
Social circles is the strategy the average person uses to expand one’s dating opportunities. Social circles can be old friends, colleagues or school friends. It’s important to build a robust social circle based on your personal pursuits and goals in life. However, social circles are often limiting to the people in the group. It may also cause some friction in Asian cultured friends groups due to a lack of boundaries. For EG. When you and your friend likes the same girl, there may be some friction involved.
University is THE PLACE to be social, meet new women and it’s one of the last time in one’s life that you’re put in an environment where there’s an endless supply of social opportunities. In hindsight, I regretted not taking advantage of my first year in University. It’s also one of the last avenues where you can constantly meet different people by taking part in a wide range of school activities.
It’s normal in the Singapore dating culture to totally ignore your social life and just focus on your grades up till University. That might work for you for school and your career, but that’s not going to do much for you for your social life and your dating life.
I noticed that many Singaporeans put too much weight on academic success and forget that University is one of the last periods of one’s life where you get to meet a lot of people in one environment. I’m also surprised that many of these students don’t leverage off their University platforms to expand their network, get to know more people and chase more girls.
There’s tons of research that our relationships contribute to a huge percentage of our happiness. So yes, it’s time to loosen up and make new connections. Stop being too cool for school.
Joining a co-curricular activity in school is one of the best outlets to expand your social circle, you can join a co-curricular activity that you’re genuinely interested in.
There’s an old (read: Asian?) saying: one should not shit where they’re eating. Basically: don’t date your colleagues.
I find this limiting. I’ve dated my colleagues. However, the difference is that I handled it responsibly, with accountability and with boundaries. So long as both partners are responsible and accountable to your own emotions and feelings and not bring them into the office, dating each other is alright.
So don’t limit yourself.
It safe to say that you’re going to get better responses in clubs. Women in clubs are expected to be approached. It’s a more socially acceptable action to perform if you’re approaching a girl in the club. Clubs are the meet markets. Whether be it in Singapore, or other parts of the world.
- Networking Events
Networking events can be a great way to expand one’s network and meet new people. There are groups specifically for dating and singles on networking platforms such as meet up and Eventbrite.
Be bold in talking to everyone. Just go up and introduce yourself.
- Meeting Women Through Tinder and Online Dating
I don’t use dating apps to meet women, especially those klutzy Singapore dating apps. Let’s be honest here, quality women aren’t swiping right on Tinder.
The law of economics states that beautiful women are always in demand. They are out at clubs hanging out with friends. However, assuming that you’re stuck in a deadbeat and you require something to get you going. Using Tinder or other dating apps to get things going can be a good thing.
- The Direct Approach
Meeting women can be as simple as approaching them off the streets. Cold approaching comes from the idea from the pick up artist community where you just walk up to a girl on the streets and introduce yourself. Mastering the direct approach will open up your dating opportunities to almost anyone that’s approachable in a public situation.
Check out my guide: How to pick up girls in Singapore.
- How to Get Invited to Events: Give, Give and Just Ask
If you like to get invited to private parties, events, all you got to do is to just ask. However, before you ask, you can’t be a dickhead. This means having an ability to crack jokes, making others laugh and compliment others. This is done through social skillsets such as cold reading, compliments and empathy.
If you hit off with a stranger and assuming you’re someone who got things going for yourself, then just simply ask them if they can join them for that event. You can simply just say: I’m completely new here, can I join you guys?
- Creating Your own Social Events
Instead of joining and fitting into other people’s social circles? Why not create your own, with the current people you have in your life?
I made this mistake when starting out. I merely put myself in other people’s social circles. I resisted the idea of ‘bossing others around’ initially as dislike the idea that I might be controlling others, instead of them acting on their own actions. I never bothered building my own.
However, it’s hard not to take note that you’re the one that people subtlety look to, to make decisions. Furthermore, as I got better at social skills, expressing myself, I noticed I naturally become more of a social leader.
You can get a couple of ‘cool friends’ involved in your own event as well. This can be your core group of friends that you hang out with on a weekly basis at the bar. This means being the one to organize, plan and execute on events.
This can be done by a simple sentence:
‘Hey, you’re really nice to talk to, let’s keep in touch, my friends and I are having drinks this weekend, why don’t you come and hang out?’
How to Meet Women: Learn Social Skillsets
It’s useless to show up in social situations or go on dates not knowing how to make connections.
It’s not uncommon to hear Asian/Singaporean parents tell you to not to talk to strangers whilst growing up. This is further re-inforced by the Singaporean culture: talking to strangers is a weird thing. Furthermore, Asians are commonly stereotyped to be more conservative, shy and withdrawn. This is Hollywood’s fault for stereotyping us Asians as conservative, not- go-getters. For every stereotype, there’s some truth to it.
When I was in the United States I got a cultural shock at how people are much more socially open as compared to Singapore. You’re not limited to your culture. Screw the stereotypes and start to redefine yourself.
Having good social skills is the ability to empathize with these different subcultures and value systems. This is especially useful in Singapore (my country), where there is a unique mix of Asian and Western values with many subcultures, with different value systems.
Think about it, in any particular job or role, you’ll also be required to communicate to your co-workers, clients and bosses. Furthermore, if you’re in the sales line, you’ll be required to socialize, network and pitch your products and services.
Ultimately, understanding how to meet women is not just knowing where to meet girls, which I’ve talked about mostly in this guide. You also have to curate a lifestyle you are proud of, pursue your passions and become an overall attractive individual.