I consider having better social/ dating skills than the average Joe after doing this for so many years. However, I’m still flabbergasted at times at how poor I am at deciphering if a girl is attract or or not. The signals women give can be quite confusing at times. Some women show it openly with strong eye contact, and some don’t. Some show it through being around you and some show it by shying away from you. How can you really tell if a women is attracted to you?
Indicators of positive interest can range from hair flicking, strong eye contact, her making excuses to spend time with you or her. She reciprocates your signs of interest. Some more overt interest includes her asking you your number, initiating physical touch with you or invite you out with her friends. She may ask you a lot of questions and seem genuinely interested in you.
I’ll also argue if you’re looking to dating high quality women that get hit on almost everyday of their life, it boils down to subtlety. Subtleties be displayed in the form of stealing tiny glances at you and then looking away almost immediately. Whether it’s intentional or not, it doesn’t matter. Your ability to notice and play along with these subtleties is something you develop with experience. Chances are, if reading this article, the majority of success you had with women only happened because she initiated. In my experience, a lot of women, especially hot women, won’t initiate with you, not account for the cultural pressure to wait for the man to initiate.
This brings me to the next category.
Typically, a man knows within a couple of seconds if he’s sexually attracted to a woman or not. Women aren’t like that. They are often quite unsure about a man and need to be swayed on way or another. The majority of girls you approach are going to fit into the neutral category. She doesn’t seem interested or doesn’t seem particular uninterested. If you touch her on her back, she will not move away, however, she may not give you any signal that she likes it. She may agree to come back to yours, however, when you make your advances, she pushes your hands off.
The most important thing to note is that women do not ever stay inis category. They’ll eventually become receptive or unreceptive. If you’re not going to make a move, she’s going fall into the unreceptive category.
Negative signals can come in the form of wanting to bring her friend along when you ask her out for coffee. If you approach her by the bar and she tells you she wants to spend time with her friends, then she’s unreceptive. It’s important to note that a lot of sexual attraction is fleeting. You might have a lot of attraction going for you with a girl at the night club and she totally forgets you the next day.
This can also come multiple reasons. You’re of lower status that her. She is already in a committed relationship that she’s happy in. You guys may be completely incompatible.
Lastly, don’t be biased about indicators of interest. If a girl isn’t into you, then see it for what it is and move on. If you find yourself conjuring up reasons as to why she’s interested in you, then you’re probably on the wrong track.
In the modern world of dating advice, many forward thinking dating coaches for men have came forward with the idea that the biggest indicator of interest is if a girl is still there with you. If a girl is standing beside you, whether she’s quiet or openly flirting, it’s a sign of an indicator of interest. I used to think that a girl will always openly show that she likes you. Only then, I would only be able to move the interaction forward. That might be true for Western cultures, however, in an Asian centric dating culture, a lot of women are shy and reserved in displaying affection.
There were dates that I went out on that didn’t ‘seem right’. There weren’t any of the obvious hair flicking or flirty touching. They’re often quiet and somewhat little introverted. I thought they were plain disinterested. However, that isn’t always the case. The fact that a girl is willing to spend a Saturday noon with me demonstrated that she’s already interested. She just felt a reserved around me.
To put things in perspective, think of the time when you were a teenager and you had this huge crush on this girl. Every time she walked by, you felt stifled and you don’t know what to say. You would just stand there, dumbfounded, silent and quiet. This is especially true if you’re an attractive individual yourself. If you have good game, that can make girls and others naturally feel reserved around you initially.
When getting good with women, you’re often told to dress well and fix your body language. You might think: I have done all this work by investing in myself, why isn’t she marrying me on the spot right away? Naturally, you’ll think that putting all this work will lead to a smooth sailing social interactions, right? This may lead to you to have higher expectations of your interactions with girls and people.
This isn’t often the case. On the flip side, from the girl’s point of view, she may perceive you as an attractive individual that she feels shy being around. No matter how many suits you purchase or the deodorant you wear, understand that girls are human’s beings too. They feel shy or stifled and that social interactions are imperfect by nature.
So, ultimately, what gives? How can you tell if she’s interested and wants you to make a move or not: 1) she’s quiet and attentive 2) if she’s flirting openly with you back and forth. Here’s where experience kicks in. One of the ways is to observe and listen to why she does or says something. Everyone has different emotional needs.
She could be shy and reserved around you but outgoing around her friends. So ask yourself, why is she only outgoing around her friends? Could she be shy around someone she’s interested in? Instead of seeing it as disinterest, that could be an indicator that she’s interested in you.On the flip side, some girls are shy in group settings, but may be expressive around you and is able to open up to you. There was a girl I date that was really sweet around me. However, as she and I were around her friends, she acted the total opposite of prim and proper.
If you’re not sure if a woman is attracted to you, or that you think you’re stuck in the ‘neutral’ category. The best way find out if a woman is attracted to you is to move the interaction forward. You can sit on the fences, debilitating your next move for months…. OR… you can find out the truth. Not by trying to over analyse the hundred and one indicators of interest, but by acting on them.
This means being moving the interaction forward deliberately to a more sexual and romantic one. It’s also forcing her make a decision about how she actually feels about you. This can be as simple asking her for her number, asking her out on a date or being more sexually aggressive in your interaction with her.
You don’t want to waste time on women who are a time sink. You’re rarely going to change the mind of a women who’s not interested in you. Yes, you can lay off for a period of time and then come back and try again, with a new identity. However, in my personal experience, it rarely works in that way. You’re better off meeting someone else.
This is why you’re recommended to pursue women from your own personal values. You approach and talk to her because it’s your personal values to pursue women you desire. Whether she rejects you or not, it doesn’t matter, these actions are an expression of your values.
When you’re upfront and honest about your desires, there’ll be a percentage of women that are going to say no. That’s fine, take the rejection on the chin and move. This saves you wasting time, effort and needless mind games of asking yourself if she’s attracted to you on not.