I haven’t really written a personal ‘live infield’ post for some time now because I don’t really see a need to reveal my personal life online anymore. I started blogging documenting my personal experiences 6 years ago and it helped a lot in my own ‘game’.
Through this process, I met some friends in the PUA community in Singapore, I kept some and ditched many.
This year, I find myself distancing myself even more from people in the community, even the ones I consider ‘more socially attuned’.
Here are the reasons why:
Lastly, it’s the manner most pick up artists approach their dating life. I haven’t met a pick up artist that is actually cool. The way the treat going out with me is purely from a pickup lens. ‘Let’s meet at 11 pm outside the club.’ No catching up, no chilling out, no real human connection. This cycle repeats week in week and out.
This also comes off in their ‘game’ as well. Its usually gamey, overtly aggressive and dependent on gimmicks. The type of game that only works on 5 – 7s. Yet they define their success based on lowering their standards. It’ll never work on quality women. Their style also ruins my own interactions. Through observations from micro-body language, I can some times tell that girls are thinking: ‘why are they so different from each other?’.
The difference between crappy game and good game is how grounded, calm looking your interactions are.
I once told my coach (Bradicus, check him out on Instagram) that I’m already one of the better ones (if not the best) in Singapore and I can’t really find peers of a similar level of social/dating skills in Singapore. I don’t think I’m too far from this statement. This is why I’ll like to further distance myself from the childish, non-effective PUA community in Singapore.
Secondly, I used to be closed off about the idea of building and maintaining a social circle. The entire social circle thing isn’t my priority when I was a student and was traveling a lot. I also couldn’t be arsed about making everyone happy and following up with relationships.
However, let’s face it, real friendships are important and they determine a lot of your emotional sanity and social success. These days, I’m a lot more open-minded about cultivating and building a social circle that 1) keeps me accountable to my business, personal goals 2) I can discuss and share ideas with.
This also came into need when I tightened up my personal values. I just can’t deal with people who aren’t accountable for their personal finances. Sorry, I’m just not the type to ‘buy you drinks, and then later you buy me a round of more expensive drinks in the name of bromance and this cycle never ends’. It’s a stupid old school Asian cultural narrative.
A couple of months ago I called out a friend who short-changed everyone in the drinks department. He created an entire hoo-hah, and the rest of the group members simply kept their mouth shut so as to not rock the boat. This is no wonder Asian men are perceived to be unmasculine, unattractive and pushovers.
I also realized that unconditional friendships are determined largely by values. My personal life took a hit as I got more successful in business. Not to sound like an arrogant prick, you really get to who your real friends are when you become more successful than them. There are friends that claim honor and brotherhood but can’t even make time for a simple birthday meet up. I can go on a philosophical rant on friendships, but I’ll leave that for another day.
Even though I don’t claim to have purely, 100% good or noble intentions, I’ll like to claim moral freedom to say that I’ve mostly have had good intentions. However, the reality is that people sometimes don’t respond to critical (but truthful) perspectives.
I also find myself in a weird space where I experienced a lot more than the average 27-year-old. As I mentioned, I wasn’t known to be the successful kid from secondary school onwards. I was at most the rebellious student that skipped half his classes and partied a lot.
This new identity creates a social pressure around the people that knew me before because they are uncomfortable with my new identity. I guess success has its own price tag.
The coaching program has grown despite without paid advertising. I aim to transit to a purely online coaching model in the next 12 months. So if you’re reading this and looking to get coached by me in person, then stop waiting.