How to make game, success with women something you’re proud of? Is it something you can tell your parents, sibling, friends and colleague about?
Here’s a reader’s email (you can email me as well, I read everything):
I often people I’m proud of what I do, especially as a dating coach, contrary to the majority of the pick up artist community. Is attracting women something you should be proud of and something you invest in it?
I was hanging out with a couple of friends who are into ‘pick up’ and they asked me: what do your friends and parents think about this? I simply say, I’m honest about it. I tell them that I used to suck at this, I read a couple of books and that’s how I got the ball rolling.
Unfortunately, from what I observed, most of the people learning this in Singapore don’t see it this way. I boil it down to a couple of reasons:
- Asian culture
- They think it’s a game: they are TAKING something from the girl
This is where you get sneaky behavior and stuff like ‘I can’t tell my parents about it’. No, it’s not something you go around bragging about. I don’t go around telling my friends or bragging about my ‘track record’. I do NONE of that.
I’ll let you in on a funny story. Whilst I was coaching last month, I demonstrated an ‘infield’ interaction for him. The interaction went well. Well, because he’s new to social skillsets, he actually told one of the girls:
‘I’m here with Marcus, he’s teaching me how to talk to girls’.
It was a huge face palm moment.
Needless to say, the girls wanted to chase me away.
‘Why are you still talking to us? Why don’t you follow your friend and teach him how to talk to more girls?’
Hah. The most of you will see this as a ‘shit test’. To be honest. Fuck shit tests. What’s the difference between a shit test and a girl genuinely doubting you? In this case, these girls were GENUINELY doubting me.
What could I have said in that moment?
I simply said: ‘Well, he’s saying the truth. He’s my client and I’m teaching him. Don’t you think some guys need help in this area of your life? Would you want a cool, socially intelligent guy talking to you when you’re in the club? I happen to suck social interactions with women as well. Perhaps I still do, to some extent.’
Was that in anyway ‘answering the shit test’? No.
However, the fact that I was unapologetically honest my interaction, we continued talking and I got her number.
Pick Up Terminology
From time to time, I hear to word sarge pop up. ‘Let’s go sarge later tonight’. For the newbies, the term day game is thrown around in groups chats consisting of pick up artists, with group meet ups and events specifically to ‘game’.
The term sarge is used to describe the action of going out with your buddies to pick up girls. I got nothing against terminology, however, the term ‘sarge’ is often used in conjunction of going out with other guys for the SOLE purpose of picking up girls and racking up numbers.
Come on, seriously? There’s nothing more that irks me when guys hang out with me just for the pure sake of approaching girls. When you hang out with me, I expect you to treat me like a human being, and not just some dude that you go out with JUST to ‘game’.
If you’re getting into this getting with good with girls endeavour. Yes, you should you be out practicing it deliberately. You’re also in this to get a result. This means, quantifiable results. This could mean dating a girl of a certain beauty standard.
However, it’s how you practice that counts. Is it something you’re proud of?
If you’re relying on your scripted lines and technique, then you’re treating your social interactions like a game. It won’t be something you’re proud of.
EG. If she says this, counter with this, and that. If she shits tests you, be free from outcome. Not really a good long term strategy.
Not to mention, you’re going to be social robot.
If you’re self invested in yourself and want to come from a place of true confidence, you’re going to approach of a stand point of power. This means coming from a place of courage and empathy. You actually kind of proud that you’re walking up to her and giving her an opportunity to meet you.
That’s what you want to be gunning for in the long run. Long term true confidence.
Furthermore, you don’t want to be using terms like ‘day game’ and ‘sarge’ amongst your friends. You want to make meeting girls relatable and normal.
This is why I learned social skillsets in the most mundane, monotonous manner possible. So it’ll work anytime, anywhere across any culture. This is why the most of what you read and watch online, isn’t going to work in a more conservative Asian setting like in Singapore.
Imagine walking down the streets of Singapore with a group of friends and you see a girl you really want to talk to. You’re not going to turn to your friends and say: ‘It’s DAY GAME time!’ Right? They’re going to find you socially awkward and weird.
You’re going to just confidently tell your friends you find her attractive and you’re going to talk to her.
Then off you go.
One other thing I noticed when going out with guys from the pick up artist community is that they get the whole idea of wingmanship WRONG
The normal game plan is this: one of them will distract the other girl, the other will distract the Mum, and the last one will isolate the target. Girls aren’t stupid. They see through your intentions clearly. Furthermore, you’re treating the process of meeting girls as if you’re going to a war.
Social interactions should be fun and light hearted. It shouldn’t be seen as something to be tackled objectively. Coming from this mind frame won’t work either way. If you guys are swooping in like a SWAT team, all you’re going to get are negative responses.
Like I’ve mentioned, getting good at this requires sensitivity and empathy. Two traits that aren’t really promoted in pick up artist land.
You’ll need to destroy your ideas all of that heavy pick up theory.
If she’s with her friends, just say acknowledge her friends and turn your attention back to her. The same rule applies if she’s with her Mum, cat or dog.
You don’t need to apologize, distract or isolate anyone to talk to an attractive girl walking down the streets.
Something You’re Proud Of
On that note, I really dislike the average psychology of the person getting into this.
They never bother to invest in skillsets such as real conversational skills, understanding their own psychology, understanding other people’s psychology, and they rely on mass cold approach tactics in clubs, bars and the streets.
Yes, you can get good at social skills: humor, making her laugh and spin handshakes.
However, don’t just reply on that. Go get your LIFESTYLE DOWN. This means your job, maximizing your income, your friends around you, surrounding yourself with mentors and master your own behaviours.
The best know there’s a system in ALL areas of their life that needs to be implemented and fixed. It’s not just about running around on streets or clubs.
It’s also something you should be proud of. There are guys who are proud of learning this. However, the majority are not. This is why I have to blur my testimonial videos time and time again. Not that I don’t mind blurring them, it just goes to show the average mindset of people coming into this.