Last week, I met a potential client in one of my free coaching sessions and I went through my usual routine: figuring out what’s holding back someone from reaching his dating goals. In this case, he complained to me he was pretty frustrated at the quality of dates he’s getting from Singapore dating apps.
He also told me openly that he knew that the problem was relying on these dating apps. So I asked him, how about improving your social skills? Through my years as a dating coach, one quick look at how he dresses to the way he carries himself, I knew he was far from being socially competent. He then added on that he didn’t believe he was a complete beginner in the dating game.
I told him there are two solutions to fixing your problems:
- Improve your social skills, start putting yourself in demographics such as networking events, events you’re passionate to meet women
- OR, get your cold approach skillset down and start approaching girls in Singapore
He then told me he believed cold approaching women was equivalent to harassment. Here’s a statistic: I’ve approached more than a hundred women over the course of the last 5 years and none of them thought it was harassment.
Ironically, he’s able to spot his problem but unwilling to fix them. Now, before I get into the root of the problem, I’ll like to talk a little about dating apps, or Singapore dating apps in general.
The Economics and Downside of Singapore Dating Apps
One of the biggest options that are holding the average Singaporean men from reaching his dating goals is his reliance on Singapore dating apps such as Tinder, Paktor or OkCupid. There’s even an article by Rice Media stating that Tinder has been underused.
The economics of dating in Singapore is extremely skewed against the male population. First, that’s because we’re brought up in an Asian centric culture. You’re taught from day one to be NICE to everyone, to women especially. This effect is exaggerated in Singaporean dating dynamics where you have one quality woman being pursued by a larger than proportionate number of ‘nice’ guys.
If you don’t buy this theory, then think back to your secondary school days. Think of how dating economics back then were already skewed.
This is the same dynamics a physically attractive girl is gifted throughout her twenties and early thirties. That is her social feedback. If she’s smart enough, she’ll know that beauty fades and build on other assets such as skillsets and personality. However, that’s for another argument another day.
This is why if you’re only relying on Singapore dating apps for your dating life, you’re rarely going to get quality dates. That’s an ugly truth. The majority of physically attractive, high-quality girls aren’t staring at their phones on a Friday night. They are out at social events, at the most popular nightclubs and getting hit on by a ton of nice guys.
Secondly, if she’s already getting so much positive social attention in her social life, you can also bet your last dollar that 99.5% of Singaporean men in these apps are going to swipe right on her online dating profile. You’re also measured and judged by a limited number of words and profile pictures on your Tinder profile. How are you going to stand out through a limited dating profile?
You’re up against dire odds.
The Root of It: Avoidance
In my personal experience, I’ve rarely succeeded on Singapore dating apps platforms. Yes, I’ve gone out on a couple of dates, but let’s just say the photos don’t exactly match. There was once I went out with an ex-air stewardess. She conveniently put photos that took 2 years ago during her flying days. The date was awkward as hell. Back then, I was still a beginner. I still entertained her with a karaoke session. These days, I’ll just apologize and leave. No fucks given.
I’ll also argue that you’re rarely going to get any quality success from online dating apps.
Here’s the roof of the problem. People who are hell-bent on relying on online dating apps are avoiding the need to better their social skills at the end of the day. It easy to sit back and write witty messages on your phone, it’s much harder to put yourself in events and strike up a conversation with a stranger.
However, as I always tell my clients. It’s not just about getting good with women. Social skills have exponential benefits to them. It’ll make you a better CEO, manager, employee, team leader, son, husband and the list goes on. It’s something you need to get down, whether or not you’re looking to increase your dating opportunities or not. If you’re constantly avoiding this area of your life, then your success in life, not just with women, is going to be severely limited.