Every modern dating problem starts off with the proposition that women are the gate keepers of sex and men are the gate keepers of commitment. Modern culture tends to equate love with sex, and sex with commitment and passion with unconditional love. Henceforth the burn question on millions of millions of men’s minds… how to get a girl to come over to yours?
Stop Apologising for Your Natural Attraction to The Feminine
If you’re like most men, you probably don’t feel worthy to be physically touchy with a girl on a date, and why is that so?
It’s not difficult to draw parallels between social stigma and sexual shame. In certain cultures, sex, emotions and relationships are hardly discussed around the dinner table when growing up. If you’re an Asian, these topics aren’t openly discussed or addressed. The majority of us aren’t primed to openly discuss issues such as emotions from a young age, and it’s no most men feel awkward communicating intimately to the opposite sex.
Being a male… it is on you to lead the interaction and not wait for the green lights. The majority of dating advice (arguably, pick up artist advice) is dependent on trying one’s best not to get rejected and adjusting our behaviours according to hers. The metric of success should not be non-rejection but if you ‘played to win’.
The more feminine she is, the more you are going to be required to lead physically. She’s not going to initiate for you. If you’re interested, just pull the trigger and ask her out: face the impending disappointment or rejection. If you’re going to be rejected, so be it… at least you failed through playing to win.
Yes, you can be sexually attracted without being emotionally connected to her. You’re taught that for sex to happen, you need to feel emotionally connected with or have to have meaningful conversations. No, that’s not true. You can desire a woman completely for her physique. There’s nothing to be ashamed of.
In reality, you are not going connect emotionally with every woman you are attracted to. However, you’re mostly going to want to have sex with most attractive women. Stop apologizing and hesitating on your desires.
There are many women who aren’t looking to connect with anybody at that point of her life. She may just want to date around. Note, she’s not going to say anything that makes her look like a slut because society makes it hard for women to express these notions socially. Hence, don’t decide for her whether she’s down to come back to your place. Stop projecting your insecurities.
Looking back, I had tons of times where I was out with a girl and didn’t notice that she’s actually interested in me. I thought we were simply ‘hanging out’. Needless to say, I missed out on a ton of opportunities.
How To Get a Girl To Come Over: Expected Return
Whilst traveling through Europe, I found myself in multiple situations where I could have gotten a girl to come back to mine if I settled for second best. However, I got greedy and only desired the most attractive girl on that particular night out. It didn’t matter if she wasn’t giving me positive signals. It didn’t matter if she said she had a boyfriend. I told myself: “I’m not settling for anything less.”
If there are many options in that particular night out… it is okay to be greedy. However, towards the end of the night, you want to be smart and focus on the interactions where there is an expected return. If a girl who isn’t the hottest in the venue that is interested in you and it is nearing the end of the night. You should go for her instead of gunning for the ones that aren’t showing an expected return.
If you let up your ideal choice for secondary or tertiary choices, this can help with practice by going through the entire process of the dating process of attracting her, connecting with her, making her feel comfortable and taking her home.
Qualify for Logistics and Social Circumstances
I was out with a friend last night at a bar in the city. Three girls sat beside him and I opened and got to know them. I initially thought I had the entire night to spill my game. Until one friend signalled to the group that she was tired and wanted to go home. There are no moral victories in the game of dating. If her friend desire to go home, the rest may follow suit.
Yes, you can attract a girl indirectly by not showing interest directly. However, in this case, I didn’t get to the point and I played it too cool.
One hour into the interaction, I had positive results with the girl I was interested in, I could tell:
- She’s slightly chasing
- She’s laughing
She’s obviously attracted. However, in this case I overstepped my mark. Instead of making a connection I pushed and teased too much. I wanted her to invest and to chase more. I also took quite a depersonalized approach to the interaction. I didn’t truly get to know her as a genuine person.
It got to the point that I was trying way too hard and there wasn’t any genuine connection between us. Needless to say, I went home empty handed because I was trying to put all my eggs in one basket. Logistically, things changed really fast and we lost the interaction.
If she’s attracted and give you positive signals, don’t over step your mark and make her chase too much. It’s okay to demonstrate interest. It’s also okay to ‘be a little needy’ to ensure your interaction moves forward. For example, if you had an amazing interaction with a girl you met at the club and if she decides to go to the bathroom in the club, you can follow her despite it looking ‘needy’. It’s much better than losing the entire interaction.
Taking that social risk and and trying to get her back to yours is much better than playing it cool and losing an interaction completely.
Helpful Frames for Sexual Intimacy to Happen
If you are physically intimate with her on a date then good… now you need an excuse to get her to your place. There’s no need for any fancy excuse. I used to get girls in my car and drive to mine without saying anything. These days, I simply say: “let’s chill at mine.”
The point is to make sure you are not making her feel like a slut. Take the pressure off her. I’ll tell her not to mess up my room. Telling her if she stays over she’s sleeping on the floor and you’re the one who’s sleeping on the bed. Saying stuff like that can take the pressure off her and makes her feel less of a slut.
When you’re finally back at yours… get her to feel comfortable. You can box her around with your boxing gloves and be keep it light-hearted and playful. Treat her like a little sister that you never had. Then, you can start slowly be physically intimate with her. If she resist against your advances… take a step back and empathise.
My personal belief is that if you come from a standpoint of emotional needs for status, connection and security that an ideal boyfriend will. You can be that empathetic and high value male that she’ll break all rules for you.
When you start kissing and there’s a bedroom nearby… the rest is usually history. In my experience, sex from first dates do happen. However, the majority of them are simply going to happen on the second to third time you meet her. It all depends on the comfort level and her values on sex.
However do note that if you’re not at final base by the third date, she’s either not comfortable with casual sex or she has completely different values from you.