One of the top question that males desire to answer: how to get laid? If you want to get laid, let’s just say you got to be minimally sexually attractive to women. There’s hope. There’s an entire movement dedicated by men figuring out how to get laid.
If you haven’t noticed by now, this site dedicated to dating advice for men and we cover everything from approaching women, to conversation skills, to attract women, to ninja first date advice. However, for this particular article, I’m going to presume that she’s already attracted to you, you have been going out on dates and you’re looking to take it to your next goal: to get laid.
First Of: Dealing with Sexual Shame with Getting Laid
There’s a common misconception in modern culture that women desire long term relationships before being willing to sleep with you. Look, there IS going to be a demographic of women that’ll strictly believe in sex after marriage. No, despite all the crazy dating advice out there, you can’t actually change someone’s values overnight. You’re going to be hitting up against the wall, no matter how smart you think your lines or techniques works. It rarely works, if even at all.
However, sex need not be confused with commitment or attachment. It’s perfectly okay to be sexually attracted to a woman and never desire long term commitment with her.
There’s a quote by entrepreneur Tim Ferris:
“A person’s success in a life can usually be measured by the number of uncomfortable conversations he or she is willing to have. This is true especially when it comes to setting out expectations and boundaries in your dating life.”
I argue that dating is statistic game. It’s a numbers game. There are going to be a percentage of women that you interact with that’s going to be willing to go out with you. Out of that, a percentage is going to be attracted to you and are willing to date you. Then out of that, a percentage is going to be alright with casual sex, and the other percentage is going to be a conservative no. The art of good game is to figure out the ones that aren’t, so that you don’t waste time on them, and capitalise and not make mistakes on the one that do.
How to Get Laid: The Art of Being a Hard Closer
If you’ve always been a ‘Mr Nice Guy’, then you must be willing to be pushy and willing to piss off some people around you. Yes, attracting women and getting laid IS controversial by nature. You need to be pushy and assertive in your interactions. You need to play to win. Women are turned on by your desire for them. You need to be a hard closer.
On the other hand, if you’ve alway as believed yourself to be extremely attractive and you’re still not getting laid, then it’s time to adjust. Only by letting go of the narratives you tell yourself, that you’re free to pull the trigger.
Step 1) Mindset: Take Responsibility for the Situation
There is a difference in the perception of casual sex in Eastern and Western cultures. This is largely, and hugely ignored in the dating advice industry. This is also something I stress upon time and time again.
Ethics is a cornerstone my philosophy in attracting women. However, it’s important to note that Asian cultures are much more sensitive in nature. If you are too ‘honest’ in your interactions, it might come off as rude, insensitive, blunt, even if don’t mean it to be. In Eastern cultures, you’re dealing with sexual shame: relationships, love, intimacy isn’t exactly openly discussed over dinner tables.
When starting out, I was brash and upfront. I mean, that’s what you read in pick up artist books right? Such brash attitudes only connected with women who are more liberal minded. It didn’t really click with the majority of the women in an Eastern culture.
Like it or not, women (and human beings) are influenced by cultural values. Consciously or subconsciously, when in their dating life, women are also influenced by cultural values. In general, I don’t believe that women in Eastern culture desire to sleep with the cocky funny asshole player type of person.
Look, I’m not saying that getting laid in Eastern and Western cultures are completely different. The fundamentals of how to attract women are the similar. However, it is how you actually go about doing it. If you wish to get laid, then you need to adapt.
Step 2) The Anti Slut Defence
One of the defining philosophies that was born out of the pick up artist community is the idea that you got to understand the ‘anti slut defence’. In modern society’s eyes, if a girl hooks up with a guy, she’s a slut. If a guy hooks up with a girl, he’s the hero. It’s a double standard by modern society that makes sex, dating and relationships complicated and confusing.
This is why women in most cultures (especially collectivistic cultures) are going to be more passive when letting you know that she’s interested in you.
You got to come from a mindset that if she hooks up with you, it’s your responsibility. It’s not her fault and or responsibility at all. If you take all responsibility away from her, she’s allowed to blame you or external circumstances when you make your sexual advances.
If you’re looking for casual sex, she has to be able to justify it amongst her friends. It has to ‘just happen’. They need to justify their behaviours to their friends why they went with you and hooked up with you.
Part of having good game is being socially aware to make sure she’s not perceived as a slut. This means only kissing her when her friends are not around, knowing when to make the right excuses and being empathetic about how she may be perceived.
I see men using misconstrued pick up artist routines such as handshakes or using bombastic pick up lines. The point isn’t to go over the board with your fanciful routines or a ‘high value’ portrayal, but to be empathetic, at the same time demonstrating that you are someone with strong boundaries and you have a willingness to walk away.
Understanding how to get laid in an Eastern culture is going to take time and patience. If you’re not into long term relationships, you still have to be prepared in investing time, effort and emotions into the dating game. This can mean going for 2-3 dates before hitting home run. This means going extra lengths showing her that you also care for her as a human being.
If you’re looking to get laid with a woman amongst your social circle. Then keeping your mouth air tight about getting laid with her is going to hugely lower the potential “social cost” of her hooking up with you. This is especially true for an Eastern cultured society. She definitely doesn’t want others around her and you to know about you guys hooking up.
I used to purposely take the girl I am dating out of University grounds just for the sole purpose of not letting others know that we’re dating.
Step 3) The Right Frame
Let’s assume most women do not desire date down. She’s also most likely do not want to have ‘casual sex’ with someone of a ‘lower status’. To get laid, a lot of it is down to the right frame. How can you convey to her that you are a high value male that she wins by sleeping with you. Are there stories that you can tell from your life that demonstrate that you are non judgmental, discreet that makes sex a win for her?
How can you frame sex as a win for her? Even better, can you frame sex in such a way that she’s the one desire it, and not you? The best way is to get her to close you.
To give you an example, you can always pull back after escalating on her. If you’re already taking her bra off, you can always put it back on and say “you don’t fully trust her yet”. You are the one that feels it’s going too fast. You are the one that doesn’t want you to come off slutty now.
Frame control is an advanced concept that can be nurtured. To give another example, you can frame it in a way to get her to ‘earn you asking her back to your place’. 1) You’re perceived as a high value individual. 2) She doesn’t feel slutty. This can be easily framed by saying: ‘Hey I can totally trust you to come to mine right? You’re not going to embarrass me in front of my siblings right?”
Or… “Hey are you a little adventurous? That’s cool perhaps I can take you somewhere after this”. In this frame, she earned it by being adventurous and you seed the idea that the interaction may go somewhere after this.
Step 4) How to Get Her Back to Your Place
Now, assuming you’re on your third date, you guys are already making out and the next logical step is sex, then going from there to sex can be as simply as making an excuse to go back to yours. The general rule of getting her back to yours isn’t to ask her. It’s to lead. It’s to make the interaction subtle and socially intelligent. Finding an excuse to get her back to yours is a socially intelligent way to do it. You can stock up on alcohol at yours and then ask her over for drinks.
There’s no need to outrightly verbalize: “let’s go home and we’re going to have sex now”. If you’re verbalizing everything, you’re also showing a lack of confidence and social intelligence. That’s unattractive and a turn off for women. It shows that you aren’t able to put yourself out there emotionally and have to somewhat verbalize to justify your sexual advances.
Some men face the problem of staying with their parents. I recommend ironing out this problem out with your parents. It’s the matured thing to do. I remembered that I would awkwardly drive my Dad’s car to my place without asking her if she wants so to come after a date near a bar at my place.
Step 5) Dealing with Last Minute Resistance
The term last minute resistance or ‘LMR’ is coined by the pick up artist community. LMR is when women resist last minute when she’s already in your room or bed. It when you’re taking out her bra and she pushes you off and tells you “we’re not having sex tonight.” I’ve had these situations quite a couple times throughout my dating career.
- Be Empathetic about It
Ideally, you don’t want LMR to happen in the bedroom. You want to frame it right from the start. This can be done by setting out expectations in an open and calibrated manner. The majority of men are going to try to manipulate their way into a girl’s pants. YOU are going to be the minority is actually able to communicate and lay out expectations in vulnerable manner.
Basically, be 100% open about sex and talk about sex openly. This can mean talking about sex openly with her. If she asks you about if you see this going into a relationship, don’t fucking say yes just for the sake of getting into her pants. Please don’t. Have some fucking self respect and ethics. Paradoxically, it’s this self respect and ethics that gets a girl to open up. In my experience, you can say that you don’t know and you aren’t looking for a committed relationship at this point of time. There are multiple reasons why you do not want to have a committed relationship because of work, travel, difference in geographical location or you just want to explore your options.
Up till this day, I’m proud of the fact that I’ve never mislead any women before. Ethics as a principle is also a value I want to stress as a dating coach.
She’s not going to feel like a slut if you’re honest about your desires with her. In fact, she’s going to feel the opposite, she’s going to feel you’re a human being and that you care for her to a certain extent.
I once had a girl over and she said: ‘We’re not going to have sex’. I immediately replied: ‘Yup, we aren’t.’ I was totally chill about it. To be honest, it’s a turn off to me when sex is forced or manipulated. Spoiler: she and I end up doing it anyways.
- Talk about It
I find that openly talking about some of the objections she may have can help. It is to ask her if she’s comfortable with you. Is she looking for a long term relationship? Does she feel uncomfortable to hook up before a relationship/marriage? What are her values?
For years straight on, when I get asked if she and I are going to end up together: I simply say I don’t know and that is true. I’ll tell her I like her a lot and is attracted to her, but I don’t see myself in a committed relationship before sex. It’s kind of like being in a relationship just for sex.
When you’re upfront and honest about your desires, you’ll remove a lot of the necessary mind games. There’s no need to pressure anyone into doing something that they don’t want to do.
Either that, if she asks you about you being a player or the number of girls you’ve slept with, you can simply say that that’s none of her business.
- The Freeze Out
Okay, assuming the sex really isn’t going to happen. You can try the ‘freeze out’ technique. I’ll turn on the lights and ‘freeze out’. This may elicit her to ‘miss’ the sexual tension and desire it more. This strategy is coined from old school pick up theory.
If all Fails… Then What?
Okay, assuming it’s way past midnight and are you going to let her stay? I used to be alright with girls coming over and not wanting to have sex. I even rationalised it as ‘at least I got someone to hug to sleep.’ That was due to my lack of boundaries at that point in time. However, if nothing is going to go down, I’ll politely ask her to leave.
How to End things with Zero Drama
Usually, the male is more invested before sex and a woman is less invested before sex. The power dynamic of the relationship flips after sex. The power of choice that a woman had (to have sex or not) switches over to the man (whether to commit or not). If the power dynamic doesn’t switch, it usually a sign of neediness from the male.
You’re no longer chasing her and she’s the one chasing you. The length of how long you’re able to stay friends with benefits with each other depends on various factors. It’ll depend on both party’s abilities to keep things perfectly casual, which is tough.
One side will desire more out of the relationship. It’s no longer just about the sex, it’s also about identity and attachment. So, assuming you’re not in it for the long run, how do you end a casual relationship on drama free note? The solution is to have a clean break, or take a break from have a purely sexual relationship. This means setting strong boundaries, setting expectations clear and for Christ’s sake: stick it to it.