Tag Archives for " Target Pages "

Mar 18

How to Get Laid – Even if You’re Afraid of Asking for Sex

By Marcus Neo | Dating Advice for Men

One of the top question that males desire to answer: how to get laid? If you want to get laid, let’s just say you got to be minimally sexually attractive to women. There’s hope. There’s an entire movement dedicated by men figuring out how to get laid.

If you haven’t noticed by now, this site dedicated to dating advice for men and we cover everything from approaching women, to conversation skills, to attract women, to ninja first date advice. However, for this particular article, I’m going to presume that she’s already attracted to you, you have been going out on dates and you’re looking to take it to your next goal: to get laid.

Friends with benefits

Your end goal eh?

First Of: Dealing with Sexual Shame with Getting Laid

There’s a common misconception in modern culture that women desire long term relationships before being willing to sleep with you. Look, there IS going to be a demographic of women that’ll strictly believe in sex after marriage. No, despite all the crazy dating advice out there, you can’t actually change someone’s values overnight. You’re going to be hitting up against the wall, no matter how smart you think your lines or techniques works. It rarely works, if even at all.

However, sex need not be confused with commitment or attachment. It’s perfectly okay to be sexually attracted to a woman and never desire long term commitment with her.

There’s a quote by entrepreneur Tim Ferris:

“A person’s success in a life can usually be measured by the number of uncomfortable conversations he or she is willing to have. This is true especially when it comes to setting out expectations and boundaries in your dating life.”

I argue that dating is statistic game. It’s a numbers game. There are going to be a percentage of women that you interact with that’s going to be willing to go out with you. Out of that, a percentage is going to be attracted to you and are willing to date you. Then out of that, a percentage is going to be alright with casual sex, and the other percentage is going to be a conservative no. The art of good game is to figure out the ones that aren’t, so that you don’t waste time on them, and capitalise and not make mistakes on the one that do.

How to Get Laid: The Art of Being a Hard Closer

If you’ve always been a ‘Mr Nice Guy’, then you must be willing to be pushy and willing to piss off some people around you. Yes, attracting women and getting laid IS controversial by nature. You need to be pushy and assertive in your interactions. You need to play to win. Women are turned on by your desire for them. You need to be a hard closer.

On the other hand, if you’ve alway as believed yourself to be extremely attractive and you’re still not getting laid, then it’s time to adjust. Only by letting go of the narratives you tell yourself, that you’re free to pull the trigger.

Step 1) Mindset: Take Responsibility for the Situation

There is a difference in the perception of casual sex in Eastern and Western cultures. This is largely, and hugely ignored in the dating advice industry. This is also something I stress upon time and time again.

Ethics is a cornerstone my philosophy in attracting women. However, it’s important to note that Asian cultures are much more sensitive in nature. If you are too ‘honest’ in your interactions, it might come off as rude, insensitive, blunt, even if don’t mean it to be. In Eastern cultures, you’re dealing with sexual shame: relationships, love, intimacy isn’t exactly openly discussed over dinner tables.

When starting out, I was brash and upfront. I mean, that’s what you read in pick up artist books right? Such brash attitudes only connected with women who are more liberal minded. It didn’t really click with the majority of the women in an Eastern culture.

Like it or not, women (and human beings) are influenced by cultural values. Consciously or subconsciously, when in their dating life, women are also influenced by cultural values. In general, I don’t believe that women in Eastern culture desire to sleep with the cocky funny asshole player type of person.

Look, I’m not saying that getting laid in Eastern and Western cultures are completely different. The fundamentals of how to attract women are the similar. However, it is how you actually go about doing it. If you wish to get laid, then you need to adapt.

Step 2) The Anti Slut Defence

One of the defining philosophies that was born out of the pick up artist community is the idea that you got to understand the ‘anti slut defence’. In modern society’s eyes, if a girl hooks up with a guy, she’s a slut. If a guy hooks up with a girl, he’s the hero. It’s a double standard by modern society that makes sex, dating and relationships complicated and confusing. 

This is why women in most cultures (especially collectivistic cultures) are going to be more passive when letting you know that she’s interested in you.

You got to come from a mindset that if she hooks up with you, it’s your responsibility. It’s not her fault and or responsibility at all. If you take all responsibility away from her, she’s allowed to blame you or external circumstances when you make your sexual advances.

If you’re looking for casual sex, she has to be able to justify it amongst her friends. It has to ‘just happen’. They need to justify their behaviours to their friends why they went with you and hooked up with you.

Part of having good game is being socially aware to make sure she’s not perceived as a slut. This means only kissing her when her friends are not around, knowing when to make the right excuses and being empathetic about how she may be perceived.

I see men using misconstrued pick up artist routines such as handshakes or using bombastic pick up lines. The point isn’t to go over the board with your fanciful routines or a ‘high value’ portrayal, but to be empathetic, at the same time demonstrating that you are someone with strong boundaries and you have a willingness to walk away.

Understanding how to get laid in an Eastern culture is going to take time and patience. If you’re not into long term relationships, you still have to be prepared in investing time, effort and emotions into the dating game. This can mean going for 2-3 dates before hitting home run. This means going extra lengths showing her that you also care for her as a human being.

If you’re looking to get laid with a woman amongst your social circle. Then keeping your mouth air tight about getting laid with her is going to hugely lower the potential “social cost” of her hooking up with you. This is especially true for an Eastern cultured society. She definitely doesn’t want others around her and you to know about you guys hooking up.

I used to purposely take the girl I am dating out of University grounds just for the sole purpose of not letting others know that we’re dating. 

Step 3) The Right Frame

Let’s assume most women do not desire date down. She’s also most likely do not want to have ‘casual sex’ with someone of a ‘lower status’. To get laid, a lot of it is down to the right frame. How can you convey to her that you are a high value male that she wins by sleeping with you. Are there stories that you can tell from your life that demonstrate that you are non judgmental, discreet that makes sex a win for her?

How can you frame sex as a win for her? Even better, can you frame sex in such a way that she’s the one desire it, and not you? The best way is to get her to close you.

To give you an example, you can always pull back after escalating on her. If you’re already taking her bra off, you can always put it back on and say “you don’t fully trust her yet”. You are the one that feels it’s going too fast. You are the one that doesn’t want you to come off slutty now.

Frame control is an advanced concept that can be nurtured. To give another example, you can frame it in a way to get her to ‘earn you asking her back to your place’. 1) You’re perceived as a high value individual. 2) She doesn’t feel slutty. This can be easily framed by saying: ‘Hey I can totally trust you to come to mine right? You’re not going to embarrass me in front of my siblings right?”

Or… “Hey are you a little adventurous? That’s cool perhaps I can take you somewhere after this”. In this frame, she earned it by being adventurous and you seed the idea that the interaction may go somewhere after this.

Step 4) How to Get Her Back to Your Place

Now, assuming you’re on your third date, you guys are already making out and the next logical step is sex, then going from there to sex can be as simply as making an excuse to go back to yours. The general rule of getting her back to yours isn’t to ask her. It’s to lead. It’s to make the interaction subtle and socially intelligent. Finding an excuse to get her back to yours is a socially intelligent way to do it. You can stock up on alcohol at yours and then ask her over for drinks.

There’s no need to outrightly verbalize: “let’s go home and we’re going to have sex now”. If you’re verbalizing everything, you’re also showing a lack of confidence and social intelligence. That’s unattractive and a turn off for women. It shows that you aren’t able to put yourself out there emotionally and have to somewhat verbalize to justify your sexual advances.

Some men face the problem of staying with their parents. I recommend ironing out this problem out with your parents. It’s the matured thing to do. I remembered that I would awkwardly drive my Dad’s car to my place without asking her if she wants so to come after a date near a bar at my place.

Step 5) Dealing with Last Minute Resistance

The term last minute resistance or ‘LMR’ is coined by the pick up artist community. LMR is when women resist last minute when she’s already in your room or bed. It when you’re taking out her bra and she pushes you off and tells you “we’re not having sex tonight.” I’ve had these situations quite a couple times throughout my dating career.

  • Be Empathetic about It

Ideally, you don’t want LMR to happen in the bedroom. You want to frame it right from the start. This can be done by setting out expectations in an open and calibrated manner. The majority of men are going to try to manipulate their way into a girl’s pants. YOU are going to be the minority is actually able to communicate and lay out expectations in vulnerable manner

Basically, be 100% open about sex and talk about sex openly. This can mean talking about sex openly with her. If she asks you about if you see this going into a relationship, don’t fucking say yes just for the sake of getting into her pants. Please don’t. Have some fucking self respect and ethics. Paradoxically, it’s this self respect and ethics that gets a girl to open up. In my experience, you can say that you don’t know and you aren’t looking for a committed relationship at this point of time. There are multiple reasons why you do not want to have a committed relationship because of work, travel, difference in geographical location or you just want to explore your options. 

Up till this day, I’m proud of the fact that I’ve never mislead any women before. Ethics as a principle is also a value I want to stress as a dating coach.

She’s not going to feel like a slut if you’re honest about your desires with her. In fact, she’s going to feel the opposite, she’s going to feel you’re a human being and that you care for her to a certain extent. 

I once had a girl over and she said: ‘We’re not going to have sex’. I immediately replied: ‘Yup, we aren’t.’ I was totally chill about it. To be honest, it’s a turn off to me when sex is forced or manipulated. Spoiler: she and I end up doing it anyways.

 

  • Talk about It

I find that openly talking about some of the objections she may have can help. It is to ask her if she’s comfortable with you. Is she looking for a long term relationship? Does she feel uncomfortable to hook up before a relationship/marriage? What are her values?

For years straight on, when I get asked if she and I are going to end up together: I simply say I don’t know and that is true. I’ll tell her I like her a lot and is attracted to her, but I don’t see myself in a committed relationship before sex. It’s kind of like being in a relationship just for sex.

When you’re upfront and honest about your desires, you’ll remove a lot of the necessary mind games. There’s no need to pressure anyone into doing something that they don’t want to do. 

Either that, if she asks you about you being a player or the number of girls you’ve slept with, you can simply say that that’s none of her business. 

  • The Freeze Out

Okay, assuming the sex really isn’t going to happen. You can try the ‘freeze out’ technique. I’ll turn on the lights and ‘freeze out’. This may elicit her to ‘miss’ the sexual tension and desire it more. This strategy is coined from old school pick up theory.

If all Fails… Then What?

Okay, assuming it’s way past midnight and are you going to let her stay? I used to be alright with girls coming over and not wanting to have sex. I even rationalised it as ‘at least I got someone to hug to sleep.’ That was due to my lack of boundaries at that point in time. However, if nothing is going to go down, I’ll politely ask her to leave.

How to End things with Zero Drama

Usually, the male is more invested before sex and a woman is less invested before sex. The power dynamic of the relationship flips after sex. The power of choice that a woman had (to have sex or not) switches over to the man (whether to commit or not). If the power dynamic doesn’t switch, it usually a sign of neediness from the male.

You’re no longer chasing her and she’s the one chasing you. The length of how long you’re able to stay friends with benefits with each other depends on various factors. It’ll depend on both party’s abilities to keep things perfectly casual, which is tough. 

One side will desire more out of the relationship. It’s no longer just about the sex, it’s also about identity and attachment. So, assuming you’re not in it for the long run, how do you end a casual relationship on drama free note? The solution is to have a clean break, or take a break from have a purely sexual relationship. This means setting strong boundaries, setting expectations clear and for Christ’s sake: stick it to it.

Mar 17

How to Pick up Girls in Clubs and Bars – The Ultimate Guide

By Marcus Neo | Dating Advice for Men

The majority of the guys will never approach a girl on the dance floor, or anywhere else in the club. They’ll loiter around her on the dance floor, attempting to grind up on her, or waiting for her to grind up on him. Is there a structure in picking up girls in clubs? Yes, and no. There is a structure you can when picking up girls in clubs. If you want to meet girls in the the club, a lot of it is down to window opportunity and balls. You have to get through everyone in the crowd and go talk to her.

How to Pick up Girls in Clubs and Bars: Pre Party

You need to prepare for your nights, instead of spearheading in head on. 

  • Have Socially Savvy People to go Out With

When I started out, I invested in a dating coach for men and networked with other like minded individuals to go out with almost every other weekend. I made it a point to reach out to others to be more social. One way is to join social communities and forums and meet other guys who are serious about going out and meeting girls. 

There were occasions when the usual friends that I club with aren’t available on Friday or Saturdays to hit the clubs. Since, I’m someone who enjoys going to parties and events and make it a point to at least go once a week. I make it point to reach out to a group of friends who aren’t in my immediate circle.

  • Dress Well

Dressing well automatically puts you in the ‘cool guy’ category that and someone of influence. It makes social interactions and starting conversations a lot much easier. You’ll have more influence over the immediate social settings around you. I’d also like to mention that dressing well doesn’t just affect your own social interactions, but it also helps you feel more confident. 

  • The Positive Dominance Mind-set

You have a goal. The goal isn’t to ‘be social’, the goal is to go out and meet a girl. However, at the same time, you don’t want to be overly pushy. I call this the positive dominance mind set. One part of being masculine is being grounded. You’re not prancing around emotionally like a little girl. 

You’re strong, but relaxed. When you’re dominant, you start taking charge of leading interactions, taking girls by the hands, leading them to the dance floor etc. This helps you dictate the flow of social interactions. 

When you’re positively dominant, people are going to subconsciously (or consciously) look at you to make decisions within the group. Not to mention that leadership is an attractive trait to girls. You’re going to put yourself in a position to be seen as the guy who’s leading the interaction. 

Smiling helps a lot when approaching. You’re not giving people or girls an excuse to outright reject you. 

  • Being Social Throughout the Night

One other thing I learned about approaching girls in night clubs is that people wait too long to be social and to be in a social interaction. One of the advice from the pick up artist community that works quite well for approaching in the night club is to make sure you’re always in an interaction.

Your results can be maximized this way. This helps in social momentum as well. When you’ve gotten over your first few rough approaches, socializing and meeting new people becomes natural and fun. When you combine the adrenaline of approaching an attractive girl. These gives you a higher probability of succeeding. 

  • Have Fun!

When we’re going about our day, many of us are in a logical headspace, either from school or work. For months straight, I was either writing for the blog or catching up with academic duties. It can really hurt your social muscles.

Socializing is a creative activity. It is NOT a logical activity. In addition to that, thinking and obsessing too much about pick up technique or theory can mess your head up. How I deal with a logical headspace is to get into a social headspace by chatting with my friends, strangers, Hi 5-ing people in the club, having fun in general.

The ultimate rule of them all: bring fun to others. This includes your wingmen, your buddies, your friends and the new people you meet in a club. Think about it, why would others want to meet you unless you bring something to the table? If someone who dresses poorly just came up to you and creep up to you, you’re probably going to reject him or her. 

Flip that around and put yourself in the shoes of others. 

Ask yourself this: what’s valued in a night club situation?

Connections, fun, friends and alcohol. Unless you’re popping bottles (and your bank account) then you’d better be having fun and introducing people to each other. When you’re talking to strangers, approach attractive girls, and introducing them to each other, you automatically put yourself in a favourable position. You become the guy that everyone wants to know. 

If you feel good, the people around you will feel good. If you feel sexy, she’ll feel sexy as well.

Lastly, it’s common for someone to put himself under a fuck ton of pressure when going out. Unless you’re the kind of person that performs under pressure, it’s merely going to work against you.  I’m not huge into inner game self-talk. It’s unnecessary. 

Understanding the Flow of the night

Now, once you got all of that preparation down, you can plan your strategies according to the flow of the night. 

When you’re relying on your emotional state to approach, you’re going to burn out even before the night begins.  

The club is a chaotic place with people moving around, the influence of alcohol, drunk friends and pretty girls to talk to. You got to embrace the chaos. However, at the same time, you’ve got to have structure. Finding the balance is the sweet spot.

Having a rough picture of how a night should go and flow can help you wrestle back control, and start implementing what you need to do at different point of the night.

Figure Out The Sequence of the Night

  • Pre-Party

Depending on your lifestyle and your friends, you might be meeting up for dinner or pre-drinks before that. 

  • 1130 pm to 1230am

When you’re going in early at around 1130pm, this will allow you be start approaching in a social manner. This is the time where clubs aren’t that crowded yet. 

The ideal would be just to go in and start talking to the small groups of people and warm up socially. You’re rarely going to get a girl interested in you off the bat around this time. This time is about building some connections, getting some phone numbers, having a little bit of fun, and just letting lose a little.

  • 1230am to 230am

This is the point where you hit it hard and find interactions to commit to. This is where most ‘game’ comes into play. You’re approaching a lot, you’re getting rejected and you’re finding that one or two quality interactions that you’re going to commit to for the rest of the night. 

It’s rare that she’s going to be alone. She’s going to be with her friends, both male and female. You’re going to spend the majority of your time winning over the influence of her friends, asserting yourself with her and getting her to subtlety signal to her friends that she likes you, and wants to be with you. You’re going to go from stranger, to somebody who has mutual affection and interest in her. 

  • 230am Onwards

Ideally, you’ve also collate a list of numbers you’ve gotten for the earlier on. You can start texting them to gauge their level of interest and go for the ones that are highest likely to go back with you.

You’re also being more polarizing and finding out where you and she stand in the interaction you are in. 

This is the point where you’re ideally with a girl that likes you a lot and her friends are comfortable with you being around her (and potentially bringing her home). You’ve established to her and her friends that you’re interested in her sexually and her friends are alright with that.

Getting there is the part where ‘game’ comes in. It’s a fine balance between socially empathetic and socially dominant.

  • Taking Her Home 

Ideally, you’ve found a girl that’s interested in you sexually. She downs to have fun, her friends aren’t in your way and she knows how to deal with it. This is the part where you take full responsibility and you lead. This is done by finding excuses for her to go ahead without her friends and for her to come back to yours. 

There is chaos in meeting women through night clubs, however, there’s an underlying structure beneath all of it. If you understand the rough outline of meeting women in clubs, you have a structural advantage the majority who doesn’t know what they’re doing. I see guys attempting to ‘day game’ from 1am to 2am. It’s ridiculous. What makes you thing some random stranger outside the club is going to go back with you? She’s probably on her way to another club, or on her way to meet her friends. Your chances are best IN the club. 

How to Flirt in Clubs: Cold Read and Tease

Firstly, keep your sentences short and sweet. There’s no need to roll off words of gold your mouth. The words that actually tumble off your mouth don’t really matter. Your intentions are going to matter more than the words said. 

Women are fairly intuitive and they can figure out your intentions. They don’t hear what you’re saying verbally, but your intentions. You can say whatever you want to, but your intentions are always louder than what you say verbally. 

Whatever that rolls off your mouth in the club, your intentions are going to say: I like you, that’s why I’m talking to you. She’s going to know what’s up.

Just in case, if you don’t know how to start a conversation with a stranger. Here are my two favourite lines:

“Hi, I’m Marcus”
“Hi, I just want to say Hi”

That’s it. Plain and simple. 

You got be comfortable at approaching strangers and striking a 5 minutes’ conversations. There’s a social momentum with it. Move on quickly from interactions that don’t go anywhere. Getting the initial approach down is just a small portion of the picture. It’s what you do for the next 5 minutes in the interaction that matters. 

The clubs are noisy, with loud music. You can’t talk much and you have to rely a lot on short sentences. People are there to have fun and not to have meaningful or deep conversations. I’m a nerd and enjoy nerdy conversations. However, in a club, you got to stick to short sentences, good body language, and physicality.

The club is not a great place to have long conversations, hence it’s important to know how to flirt with her physically.

Flirting with her physically is accomplished using non verbal communications. When you’re cold reading and teasing her, you should also standing really close to her. You can then touch her lightly on the elbows or waist, to gauge how receptive she is to your advances. Teasing her also shows sexual intent and interest

“You seem like a really friendly person, what’s with that shocked look on your face?”

There was a point where I was cold reading too much in the club. I had to fine tune my approaches. I had to limit my interactions to one cold read for the purpose to break the ice, and then move on to teases, role playing and flirting with her physically right off the bat.  If the girl likes you, she’ll be okay with you touching her.

Being Physical: Flirt and Get Physical Right Off the Bat

In a cold interaction, it’s on you to lead the interaction. You have to lead verbally, emotionally, physically and logistically. Girls, especially Asian girls, are not going to give you an inch of space. That’s because it’s deemed slutty or creepy for a girl to initiate a conversation. She’ll be afraid of how other girls will judge her in that moment if she initiated. 

Furthermore, the hotter girls are never going to lead for you. That’s because they get approached on all the time and are rarely at the leading of the interaction where they have to take charge. 

Here are some quick examples: 

“You can be my little sister.” + Hug.
“I’m kidding, you’re awesome.” + Hug

The push pull dynamic should be complimented with shoulder hugs or waist hugs. Rinse and repeat this process and you’ll get an emotionally charged interaction.

Touching a girl in the club also has got a lot to do with just grabbing it by the balls and being physical with a girl. Pulling the trigger and polarizing the interaction is more one of the key aspects of picking up girls in the clubs. 

However, it’s important to note that some guys go up and are immediately are too physical with the girl. That might get you massive attraction off the bat, but it’s not socially smooth and it’ll hurt chances continuity in the interaction. 

I know someone who can barely string a proper English sentence together. However, he approaches girls and claws them in with his muscular frame and attempts to kiss them within the first minute of the interaction. It’s a bold approach that polarizes girls immediately. 

You can also lead her to the dance floor to get physically intimate with her. It’s also a potential place to make out with her. However, there are just some girls that won’t go to the dance floor because she might just want to stick to her friends, or her friends might judge her for going to the dance floor with a guy and etc.

One tip I found out is to never ask, but to attempt to lead her physically. Just grab her by the hand, and get her to follow.

Re-approaching Her and Giving Her Space and Time 

More often than not, girls aren’t really receptive at the start of the night. They also won’t go home with you when they’ve just entered the club. They want to drink, hang out with friends, party a little, have a crazy story when they’re out with a couple of friends. You’re most probably not going to get much results from your initial interaction with her.

So what happens if you’re not making out with her at the start of the night? It’s simple, you get her contact number, leave the interaction, and talk to your friends or other girls. You can leave all your interactions, and re-approach her later. 

The entire club becomes your friend. You not only make new friends, but now, you have some social proof that you can leverage on to make more friends, and look popular and awesome in her eyes. 

One other common mistake I see is guys grabbing her and touching her on the get go when approaching. That’s great. That’s actually recommended. However, it’s not about just grabbing and touching her, it’s about calibration. Remember, two steps forward and one step back. 

In general, guys know immediately whether we want to have sex with a girl in a couple of seconds. Women require more time and information to make a decision on that. When you give her space, and show that you have empathy, you already stand out from 99% of the male population.  That’s also an attractive trait.

This can be demonstrated using statements like: ‘I understand how you feel’, ‘If I’m being too pushy, let me know’. 

Handling Her Friends

Some times, I hang out with a couple of guys from the pick up community, they’ll have intense battle plans and tactics before going into the club. They’ll select out their wings, come up with customized plans to ‘distract her friends’. It’s also known as the ‘isolation’ tactic that many dating coaches preach. 

Girls, especially the hot ones are going to be hitting the clubs as an entourage. They also feel safer and secure with their friends, so let them be! 

Secondly, what does it say about your value as a man if you have to resort to such tactics in order to get her attracted to you. It just merely means that you aren’t enough, and that you need to ‘distract’ her friends in order for her to like you. 

The better way to do it is to win the influence of her and her friends. It’s also a more sustainable manner.

I know, some times the friends of girls can be a major cock block. I’ve been there multiple times. The best strategy is to often kill them with kindness. Talk to the fat friend. Imagine how she feels when her friend always gets all the attention when they go out to the club and she gets completely ignored.

Some times, things may not go your way. She may be overly invested in her friend’s opinion of her rather than actually having fun in the club and meeting people. If two people lead a codependent relationship, there’s not much you can do to convince them otherwise. They’re not right for you, you simply have to move on. 

The first rule of social skillsets is this: make it fun! Come from a point of adding value to someone’s night. Don’t be a social leech. Bring fun and add something to the group.

If you’re dressed well, and are having a good time and experience good emotions, you’ll automatically feel good and be able to ‘add’ to the fun of someone else’s night. 

Talk to her guy friends and acknowledge them. If you notice something cool about someone, be it a guy or not, then say it. It’ll show that you have social intelligence. Furthermore, everyone likes to be appreciated and talked to

Most of the times, the most beautiful girl will have the highest social value in the group. The group will more or less compliant to her. Sometimes, you won’t actually have to win her friends over, as they are all following her lead in the interaction.

However, that’s not always the case. It’s your job to lead in conversation, physicality, and logistically. How good you do this will determine if the rest of the group would comply or tell you to fuck off. 

You’ll have to aware of the self-interest of everyone at given point of time. What are their intentions and behavior? What do they want? Do they like the same girl as you do, and if so, how are you going to manoeuvre yourself in a socially savvy manner to get the girl that you want.

Here are the general guidelines when faced with confrontations: 

  • Kill Them With Kindness
  • Make Him Look Like He or She One Taking Out all The Fun
  • Move On to The Next Interaction
  • Hook Them up with Someone Else

One other thing that helps a lot with immediate influence is your dress sense. If you’re dressed like you’re an influence, people will defer and give you more leeway in social settings. Lastly, there’s no way about it. Getting good at this requires guts and rejection. You’re going to piss someone off in the process of getting what you want out of interactions. You cannot please everyone.

How to Pick up Girls on The Dancefloor

The dancefloor in the club can be considered the meet markets of the club. Think about it, the tables are for huge social groups. The bar is for people to get drinks. The dancefloor is actually the place where girls and guys go to meet each other. It’s rare to find a guy approaching outside the dancefloor. Even if so, if he’s to approach in the dancefloor, it’s normally through body language, and less words.

  • First Rule is To Have Fun

Having a ton of fun and putting on a smile on your face is the first step to attracting more attention on the dancefloor.

Approaching a girl on on the dancefloor is either through body language or just going up to say Hi. There’re no other forms of communications that I’m aware of.

  • Less Words more Dancing

The dance floor is a messy place, with guys, girls, music and all of that jumping. It’s close to impossible to have a verbal interaction on the dance floor. The dance floor is where you have to approach strong and make your prescene known.

You’re going to have problems in talking in long sentences. Short sentences like saying Hi, and asking her for her name is alright. The key is to get physical as fast as possible. Either with shoulder hugs, dancing beside her, or grinding behind her.

  • Lead Like Your Life Depends on It

Don’t ask for permission to move. Just grab her by the hand and go to the dance floor. The majority of pick up is just grabbing life by the balls and just doing it. It’s assumed attraction.

  • Speaking with Your Body: Physically Escalating on Her Fast

Unless she’s really into you, it’s not a good strategy to just go up behind her and grinding her.

Even if so, there so many objections: her friends, she doesn’t know you, she doesn’t even know your name. It’s better to dance beside with light shoulder touches be a way to flirt on the dance floor, and then move on from there. If they are comfortable with that, then move behind them. If they’re comfortable with you being behind them, then make a move by holding her waist. 

You can also strike minimal conversation to stand out. 

Once you’ve ‘opened’ using body language or verbally, it’s time to escalate and lead. Firstly, dance by her side. Then escalate by putting your hands on her shoulder or her waist. Then proceed, to dance behind her. Then turn her around with her facing you. Then the make-out.

The rule of thumb is similar to all other interactions: always be leading.

Learning how to pick up girls on the dance floor is a subtlety. Sometimes you approach verbally and say Hi, before dancing. Other times, you approach physically (dancing) and say Hi.

Think about it. The guys that don’t know about ‘game’ is still getting results in the clubs in spite of having ‘no game’. They don’t think about fanciful openers, role plays, or intricate push/pull techniques.

They merely rely on their gut and go for it.

Our social brains are evolved to pick up signals from the opposite sex. It’s just that because of past negative experiences, traumas or conditioning, we then convince ourselves with our own stories that somehow we’re not good enough, not attractive enough and that “she’s probably not interested in me”.

I used to think that there’s an ‘escalation’ ladder when it comes to touching girls. However, there are many times that you end up kissing a girl without even holding her hands or hugging her even. Emotions occur in the moment. 

  • Not Putting Her on a Pedestal

One other big insights I had from picking up girls on the dancefloor is that most of us put hot girls on the pedestal. This is especially so in the club where a vagina is somewhat the most valued currency, second to the guys splashing their cash on tables and drinks to impress the girls.

Combine this with just about every other mainstream advertising campaign that’s where you get pussy being put on the pedestal.

This is where techniques and lines has it’s limits. It’s our own self worth, our own beliefs of our attractability, and out own beliefs about people, girls and ourselves that hold us back.

  • How to Handle her Friends?

There are going to be instances where you’ll get rejected. Her friends will pull her away and give you a creep stare. It happens a lot, especially in more conservative cultures. Here’s the truth: you can’t control other people’s behaviour. You can only control your own behaviour.

The rule of thumb is to make friends with her friends. Be friendly, yet assertive. This takes a little intuition. Look at her body language, is she worried about what her friends think? Is she looking for approval from her friends. If so, you should then adjust and befriend her friends.

On other occasions, I think it’s alright to just go for it. If she’s alright with it, her friends will be alright with it.

Like all other areas of getting good with girls. You’re not going to do well on the dancefloor if you don’t have your basics such as body language and your fashion sense down. Intentions are also a big part of picking up girls on the dancefloor. Some times, I see guys approaching girls like mechanically like machines, most of the time it just doesn’t turn out well. 

How to Take Her Home

The principles on how to take a girl home from the club is similar to how to take girls home in general. You got lead like your life depends on it and relieve her of the pressure of feeling like a slut. 

So what are the signs?

If you’re making out heavily and she’s all over you. It’s safe to say that she’s down. Some other signs include: she isolates herself from her friends with you, she’s willing to take your lead or she’s willing to grab supper with you. This can only be found out by leading in the interaction. This can be accomplished by making leading statements: let’s grab supper. Grab her hand, and lead without apology. You got to be fully responsible for seducing her. 

Mar 15

How to Meet Women – In College, Online + 3 Big Ideas

By Marcus Neo | Dating Advice for Men

The quantity of girls you meet is going to be solely dependent your ability to meet women. If you get good at approaching women, you’ll will increase the number of girls you meet. If you develop good communication skills, it’ll will help with the converting your leads to dates, awesome sex and girlfriends. So, how can you meet women? Let’s take a look at what meeting women really entails.

If you’re looking to better your dating life and assuming you already have a strong network of social circles, you don’t really have to go out meeting women off the streets or the clubs. However, you’ll still require social skills and the ability to start a conversation, display an awesome personality, get her out on a date and leverage of your current demographics to meet women.

However, when I became a solo-entrepreneur, the ability to meet girls on the go became extremely useful and important for me. You may also be stuck with friends who’ll don’t actively introduce you to other females, then you’ll need to master the cold approach and actively be able to meet girls on to go.

How to Meet Women: The Warm Market

You can participate in University activities, use networking sites such as Eventsbrite or Meet up, join interest groups or take part in after work drinks. There are many avenues. When I was in full-time University or working for a company, I barely bothered with meeting girls through the cold approach method. That’s because there were many social opportunities around me there was no need to go cold.

The warm market is how 98% of men meet girls. The majority of males uses the warm market, aka his social circle for dating opportunities.

  • Social Circles

Social circles are mostly made up of old friends, colleagues or school friends. Cultivating great social circles is a good strategy for the guy who’s patient enough to cultivate and upkeep these social relationships. I personally know of guys who are naturally great a keeping and maintaining different social circles with groups of guys and girls.

If you hit off with a stranger and assuming you’re someone who got things going for yourself, then just simply ask them if they can join them for that event.

You can simply just say: I’m completely new here, can I join you guys?

To get invited to private parties, events, all you got to do is to just ask. However, before you ask, you can’t be a dickhead. This means having an ability to make others feel comfortable and appreciated around you.

If you’re looking to start or keep your own social circle, start organising or start joining people for hang out sessions. You can also be the leader of your own social circle. Instead of joining and fitting into other people’s social circles? Why not create your own, with the current people you have in your life?

I made this mistake when starting out. I merely put myself in other people’s social circles. I resisted the idea of ‘bossing others around’ initially as dislike the idea that I might be controlling others. However, as I got better at social skills, it’s hard not to take note that you’re the one that people subtlety looks to make decisions, I naturally become more of a social leader.

You can be the one to organize, plan and execute on events. This can be your core group of friends that you hang out with on a weekly basis at the bar.

You can start inviting girls and her friends you approach (that aren’t romantically available to join you for your event):

‘Hey, you’re really nice to talk to, let’s keep in touch, my friends and I are having drinks this weekend, why don’t you come and join us?’

The downsides of relying on social circles is that they tend to be extremely limiting to the people in the group. Hitting on girls in your social circles may also cause friction in Asian cultured friends groups because after all, Asia is a tightly knitted society. For EG. If you and your friend likes the same girl in the same social group, there may be some friction involved.

  • College

University is THE PLACE to be social, meet new women and it’s one of the last time in one’s life that you’re put in an environment where there’s an endless supply of dating opportunities. In hindsight, I regretted not taking advantage of my first year in University.

You may choose to ignore your social life and focus on your grades up in University. That might work for you for your grades, however, that’s not going to do much for you for your social life and your dating life.

I noticed that many Singaporeans a lot of weight on academic success and forget that University is one of the last periods of one’s life where you get to meet A TON of people in one environment. I’m also surprised that many of these students don’t leverage their University platforms to expand their dating pool.

There’s research that our relationships contribute to a huge percentage of our happiness. So yes, loosen up and make new connections. Stop being too cool for school. Joining a co-curricular activity in University is one of the best outlets to expand your dating opportunities, you can join a co-curricular activity that you’re interested in.

The downsides of relying on social networks in University is that you may inflicted by politics. It can also be demographically limiting as you’re exposed only to your University network.

  • Colleagues 

There’s an old (read: Asian?) saying: one should not shit where they’re eating. Basically, don’t date your colleagues. I find this limiting. Firstly, I’ve dated my colleagues. It’s doable. It’s how you go about it that matters.

Here’s how to do it without any drama: If you guys are not exclusive, there’s no need to announce it to anybody. Just don’t. Keep your ego in check. Keep it under wraps so that she won’t look like a slut in other’s eyes.

You’ll also need to handle the relationship responsibly with boundaries. So as long as both partners are responsible and accountable their own actions. If you’re able to separate romance and office life, dating your colleagues is perfectly fine. So don’t limit yourself.

However, just like social circles, your demographic is severely limited to your colleagues. If you’re an engineer (like many of my friends) then you’re more likely going to end up working in an all male environment.

The Cold Market

Now, let me introduce you to my favourite subject and the point of this entire dating advice blog: the cold market.

There are tons of advantages to the cold market. Firstly, you can choose who you want to approach. You aren’t reliant on external factors such as office politics or if she shows up to class or not. You have absolute control of who you are approaching and you aren’t limited by any demographic.

Secondly, if you are out of University, not looking to rely on dating apps or agencies, then getting competent at the cold market isn’t an option.

  • Similar Interest Groups and Networking Events

Starting out, I didn’t really practice much of cold approach strangers on the street. I leveraged on University and interest groups such as yoga classes. Similar interest groups and social, networking events can be an avenue to expand your dating opportunities. The key here is to be bold in talking your target. Just go up and introduce yourself.

You can use:

There are events specifically for dating and singles such as speed dating events. However, I’ll not recommend them as your first outlet as you’re going to sacrifice a little on the quality of girls you’ll meet at singles events. That’s just an ugly truth. This is the same as using dating apps: the majority of quality girls aren’t being chased, they aren’t spending their time looking for partners in speed dating events.

Meeting Women Online

The economics of dating suggests that beautiful women are always in demand. The majority of physically attractive, high-quality girls aren’t staring at their phones on a Friday night. They are out at social events, at the most popular nightclubs and getting hit on by a ton of guys.

Let’s be brutally honest here, models  and attractive women generally aren’t spending their time swiping right on Tinder. Here’s an ugly truth about dating.

It’s all about economics: demand and supply.

Remembered your time in school where there are only a couple of of beautiful girls in your cohort and almost every single guy found themselves infatuated with the same couple of girls. There you go. Demand and supply.

This is why if you’re only relying on dating apps for your dating life, you’re going to hit a threshold. 

Secondly, if an attractive women is already getting so much positive social attention in her social life, you can also bet your last dollar that 99.5% of men in these apps are going to swipe right on her online dating profile. You’re also measured and judged by a limited number of words and profile pictures on your Tinder profile. How are you going to stand out through a limited dating profile? You’re up against pretty impossible odds.

However, assuming that you’re stuck in a deadbeat and you require something to get you going. Using Tinder or other dating apps to get things going can be a good thing.

2021 update: In lieu of the pandemic. I changed by mind about meeting women online. These applications can be a great way to meet women if done right. (read: if done right).

  • Dating Agencies/ Paid Dating Events

It can seem ideal, meeting your perfect girl who is recommended by a ‘trusted’ company. All you got to do is to pay the bills, show up and things will magically fall into place. However, reality often doesn’t pan out that way.

I don’t recommend paying someone $100 per hour to sit across a table with an unknown stranger. If you’re not getting results in your relationships, what makes you think you’ll actually be able to build a passionate relationship with someone that’s recommended by someone determined by a self submitted ‘dating resume’.

Ultimately, if you’re reliant on dating agencies to hopefully meet someone, you’re NOT developing yourself as a person, you just filling up a resume, hoping you show up and do well on a date. You aren’t making any effort to develop conversational skillsets, overcome anxiety, build self awareness, develop social intelligence and confront of that difficult issues that brought you to a dating agency in the first place. Sorry mate, you’ll be that EXACT same person who needed a middleman to fix you a date on a Friday night.

How to Meet Women: The Cold Market 

  • The Cold Approach

The cold approach is termed coined from the dating advice community where you just walk up to a girl anytime, anywhere and introduce yourself. Getting good at the cold approach will open up your dating opportunities to almost anyone that’s seemingly approachable. You can choose to meet girls on the streets, shopping centres and just about any daily mundane social situations.

The downsides of this philosophy is that the cold approach is a skillset you need to get down. You’re not going to get good at this on your first couple of tries. This requires practice. Cold approaching is ideal. However, it’s difficult. You’ll need to understand the mechanics of sparking something out of nothing. This isn’t just walking up any girl, throwing up a bunch of lines and hoping for it to stick. There’s a process behind it.

Here’s my guide on how to approach girls.

Note for an Asian reader: It’s not uncommon for Asian parents to tell you to not to talk to strangers whilst growing up. Asians are commonly stereotyped to be more conservative, shy and withdrawn. This is further re-enforced by Asian culture: talking to strangers is a weird thing. For every stereotype, there’s some truth to it. When I was traveling in Western cultures such as Europe and the United States, people are a lot more socially open as compared to Asian cultures.

However, you’re not limited to your culture. If you want to get good at this, screw the stereotypes and take action.

  • Clubs

I’ll categorize meeting girls in clubs under cold approach similarly. That’s because you’re still attempting to spark something out of nothing.

It safe to say that you’re going to get a more open response in clubs. It’s a more socially acceptable action to approach a girl in the club. Women in clubs are expected to be approached. This is true whether be it in Singapore (my home country), or other parts of the world. Clubs are also meant to be meet markets.

The downsides of clubs is that it takes up a lot of time and money. That’s because of the nature of clubs. If you aren’t taking her home on that night itself, you’re going to need to normalize your interaction with her to solidify your lead.

Closing Thoughts

I personally think if you want to get good at this, developing basic skillsets like starting a conversation with women in social events is going to get your results. However, if you really want to be great at this and have choice in your dating life, you need to get down the skillset of cold approaching girls. Lastly, meeting women is not just approaching or putting yourself infront of dating opportunities, you also have to curate a lifestyle you are proud of, present yourself positively and become an overall attractive individual.

 

Mar 13

How to Touch a Girl and Turn Her On Sexually – Full Guide

By Marcus Neo | Dating Advice for Men

Your ability to touch a girl and be physically assertive is going to make up 80% of your success with women. From personal experience, a lot fo men have problems with being comfortable with their sexuality, displaying sexual interest. This is why 98% of men hover desperately around women in clubs on the dance floor not daring to make a move. I’m going to spend some time talking about sexual shame before getting into any technical strategies on how to touch a girl.

How to Touch a Girl – Sexual Shame

Sexual shame occurs when any of us feel inherently wrong, immoral, unworthy of our own sexuality. Sexual shame holds us from asserting our sexual desires. It can come from traumatic past experiences. It could be coming from an overly strictly family upbringing or culture. It could be being emotionally or physically abused when you’re young. Conquering shame requires quite a bit of introspection.

I’m Asian, stereotypically, Asians are perceived as introverted and aren’t seen as sexually confident. Sex is also often seen as a taboo subject in Asian culture. Sexual shame is one of the biggest problems that Asian cultures face, for example, Japanese people choosing to stay single and unmarried.

On some fundamental level, you may believe that women do not want to be hit on, that women do not like being touched. You may belief that it’s wrong to touch a girl or if you’re physically assertive with a girl you’re ‘bad’. The first step to being more sexually comfortable with women is to re-orient our beliefs towards our own sexualities. You do this by first being aware of them and secondly challenging those beliefs.

I know of this one acquaintance of mine that gets laid regularly. He approaches girls aggressively right from the get go. He grabs them right from the get go and doesn’t ask for any permission. I’m standing there thinking: he’s going to fucking embarrass himself. Low behold, he eventually actually gets a couple of girls giggling and ends up kissing them.

When was the last time you saw a beautiful lady walk down the street and you wished you could to pin her against the wall and ravish her right there and then? Now, this is a truth, this entire attracting women thing is by nature polarising and controversial. Some are going to think you’re a creep and the right ones will appreciate you for taking the lead. If you need to be accepted or liked by everyone else, you’re going to be pushed around in subtle ways and not so subtle manners.

If you’re in the nightclub and you are afraid of what her friends might think about you if you are sexually forthright. You have a boundary issue. You’re essentially taking responsibility for other people’s actions and emotions. You don’t have to be responsible for other people’s actions and emotions. Those are not your problems. That is a problem that nice guys face, trying to please everyone and end up not asserting themselves.

Ultimately, you’re going to have to assert yourself and you’re get rejected at. Their reactions are out of your control. Confident men go for what they want without apology and are willing to ruffle a few feathers along the way. You can’t be sexually attractive without being disliked by some.

On Sexual Assertiveness: Our Emotional Realities

Psychologist Robert Glover make the argument in how an absent parent can be the making of a ‘Mr Nice Guy’, who constantly fails to assert his needs in his life. I also observed that people with difficulty in this area of their life (including myself) often have a history of a troubled childhood.

This could be overly strict parents, a religious upbringing, abusive, absent parents or past trauma.

It’s researched that people growing up without a father figure suffer from a diminished self concept, behavioural problems, truancy and poor academic performance and a host of other issues. Psychologists also argued that the father figure is important to a boy’s development of identity.

They may feel a sense of abandonment, betrayal, not being able to fit in and feeling different. Without paternal approval, boys may experience emotional pain that leads to attempts to prove themselves. This includes intense competition with other men, engaging in risky behaviors, criminal ‘tough guy’ behavior, intending to scare the world into seeing them as men. This confidence is a bravado that’s derived from overcompensation.

There’s the second argument, during the pre-industrial period, fathers bring their kids to work day. Father and son worked side by side from sunrise to sunset. This was seen as normal. Fathers taught by example, apprenticing their sons into trades, simultaneously imparting lessons on hard work and virtue.

However, during the industrial revolution, fathers abandoned the workshop for a place at the assembly line. There is a clear line drawn between home and the workplace. Fathers left for work in the morning and didn’t come home for 10-12 hours. Child rearing is left in the women’s hands. Hence, you get a generation of men who spent all their time with Mum, growing up with Mummy issues.

No More Mr Nice Guy

It’s only by confronting these issues head and getting comfortable with your sexuality, that you develop a matured form of confidence, instead of being an overcompensating prick. You may not think you’re one of ‘these people’. However, if you constantly find yourself feeling deliberated in your interactions, getting involved in toxic relationships, choosing bad partners, then there may be something there, you’re just not aware of it.

When I started being a lot more introspective about failures and decisions in my life, I found myself pissed off and hurt at many past events and got really angry at a lot of people around me. When you’re confronting these emotional realities, developing weird beliefs or finding yourself in angry phases going to be part of the process. That’s normal, inevitable and a necessary part of your growth.

The process consists of being introspective about past events that might have lead to current issues. The idea is to get in touch, process and grief through the emotions you avoided or suppressed through the years.

For example, if you feel numb or detached in intimate situations, why is that so? Is there a fear of vulnerability? Is it a fear of abandonment? If you fail to assert yourself time and time again with women, why is that so? Is there a feeling of not being good enough? If you’re too afraid of speaking your mind or going for what you want in life, why is that so? Is there a fear of failure and rejection?

In many ways, this single ability submarined my business, dating life and along with many areas of my life. I was afraid of confrontation and going for what I want.

How to Figure Out Your Emotional Truth

  • Writing

Writing letters and emails can be helpful for expressing/ reflecting on your genuine thoughts and feelings. For years, I used writing as tool, I wrote journals, I wrote letters to the people explaining misgivings I had against them. It all helped.

  • Seek Out Role Models

One way to you can feel more masculine is by taking part in group activities and learning to work with other men in groups. Developing male relationships helps undo your monogamous bond with Mum. There’s research that suggests that there are benefits to doing things together such as having a beer at the local bar once a week. Group activities build bonding and a sense of camaraderie.

You can also take this opportunity to examine your relationship with your own father and seek out healthy male role models.

Male friendships have the potential for depth and intimacy because there is no sexual agenda. With men, there’s no pressure to be someone else other than who you are. There’s no need to please, placate or lie that a lot of men tend to believe they have to around women.

I used to stick to individual activities such as martial arts or hitting the gym. However, I realized that group activities can better my relationships. One of my proudest moment in recent years was accomplishing a common goal working on a marketing project side by side with a friend.

You can seek out mentors that help you achieve your goals. I always attempt to surround myself with men who have traits that I look up: accountability, integrity and the ability to challenge themselves. David Deida, a popular writer on masculinity argued that masculinity is like a boat in an ocean, spearheading it with a direction and forging a path. Traditional masculine traits often entail accountability, confidence, decisiveness and a go-getter’s mentality.

I also recommend you to form relationships with men who not only have traditional masculine traits but the ability to open up.

  • Therapy

Forward thinking dating coaches have found out that the lack of confidence around women is partly rooted in sexual shame, that is often rooted in one’s past experiences, childhood. This is why pick up artists, often after years of going at it, find themselves often chasing a phantom and are often more or equally as miserable as before. They don’t solve the root problem: their own emotional issues.

There may underlying emotional knots that hinders you back in this area of your life. This can stem from a fear of rejection. This can stem from negative belief. The more the shame, the harder it is going to be. One the options you can use to facilitate this is psychotherapy.

Unfortunately, learning how to touch a girl can’t be overcome by solely hiring therapist. However, the only way is through. Overcoming your shame through real life interactions is the only way you’re going to get better in this.

How to Touch a Girl: The Art of Sexual Confidence

There are general levels to to work your way up. You’re not going to approach a girl and have sex with her right there and there. There’s a progression to it.

Projecting a sexual vibe the first important tenets in learning how to touch a girl. Plant your feet firmly into the ground. Show her then you’re willing to take up space and you’re willing to intrude into her personal space. Show her that you’re a potential sexual partner and not some random stranger, furthermore, you won’t be able to touch her if you’re not standing near to her.

You can be pretty confrontational in your body language depending on how comfortable she is. Squaring up to her demonstrates confidence and openness. One way you can project this is to look deep into her eyes whilst conversing and inch your body closer and then pull away, as if you’re teasing her by leaving a vacuum in between.

The Indirect Escalation

Handshakes, shoulder and elbow touches are strategies you can use to break physical contact. You can use these touches to punctuate your sentences and jokes. For example, you can lightly tap her on her elbow after making a joke.

The indirect escalation is the art of using these minor social gestures in conjunction with the push pull dynamic.

If she’s comfortable with physical proximity, you can hug her by her shoulder her like a good friend does to see if she’s comfortable with further intimacy. It’s an innocent move with both your bodies facing away, yet, your arms is resting on her shoulder like your good friends. It’s a good way to escalate physically in nightclubs.

  • Push

“We’re getting divorced. You keep the kids, I get the house and the dog.”

This is a push. This can be followed up with a slight push on her shoulder.

  • Pull

“I’m kidding, you’re awesome, I love you.”

This is a pull, you should be pulling her in for a hug by the shoulder, neck or waist, depending on where you are at in the interaction.

Repeating the push-pull dynamic and rinsing them will generate opportunities to hug her, kiss her or to move things forward.

You can calibrate and adjust accordingly to her level of interest interacting with you. Once her hands are on your shoulders or her shoulders on yours, you can leave it there for a bit see how comfortable she is with it. One of the golden rules of flirting physically is to assume that you’ve known her for years. You then take it off to avoid seemingly like a creep and keep the ambiguity of the interaction going.

Direct Escalation

The cons of escalating directly is that you are displaying too much interest. She already knows she has you. Secondly, you’re not getting any investment from her end, you’re not making her chase, you’re not making her wonder. You can kill sexual tension just by escalating too much.

Through touching her outrightly, you’re also displaying comfort with your own sexuality. If you like her, then express it directly, there’s no need for too much fanciful flirting. You are a sexual man and you can show it.

There was once I attempted to kiss a girl and she cocked her head backwards in disgust and asked me what was I up to. I plainly told her that I was trying to kiss a girl I desired. Yes, my behaviors were a little un-calibrated, but it displayed boldness. Even though I was rejected, I asserted myself unapologetically and she was actually turned on by that.

Starting out, I was weak in this area. My style of attracting women was more laid back, conversational based. This laidback attitude rendered ineffective after a while. The more polarizing you become, the more you’re expected to initiate. She’s going expecting you to move things forward and want to fall into her ‘femininity’. Take this whatever way you want, however, this is my personal experience.

Sometimes, coming up with witty push pull-strategies gets repetitive. Hence, going direct can effective. If you’re on a date and things are already going well, you can say: ‘you’re beautiful’ in an authentic manner. Step in and lean in to kiss her.

It boils down to intentions. If a behaviour is expressed unconditionally in the moment, it’s an attractive behaviour.

However, it’s NOT attractive to verbalize when or how you’re going to touch a girl at every step of the the interaction. Saying out loud: “I’m going to hold your hands now” and then holding it is pretty awkward. It doesn’t display confidence either because of that fact that you need to ‘verbalize’ and somewhat ‘seek permission’ to do it.

The Comfort Point

In my experience, if you get to the point where she is comfortable with you holding hands with her, the rest is going to flow quite naturally. Holding her hand can be initiated just by holding her hand straight out or taking her hand and leading her somewhere when you’re moving locations in the nightclub or different locations on a date.

  • Sexual Comfort, Kissing, Making Out 

Choosing the right spot and knowing where to sit will facilitate physical intimacy. You can sidle up to her and hold her by the waist whilst sitting. This is most done on a date or an isolated setting. You’ll be surprised at how much girls are receptive to this, especially in a nightclub situation. There’s an element of sexual tension when standing close to her, holding her by her neck lightly and touching slightly at her waist or arms.

You then progress on to light kissing, make outs and then touching her at erogenous zones. The rest is usually history.

Some of these stages are going to be more applicable than another in different situations. Some girls are going to be comfortable kissing you in front of her friends, and some are not. You need to be empathetic, most girls do not want to look easy, you need to see what she’s comfortable with and what she’s not comfortable with. It’s all about calibration.

Closing Thoughts

From personal experience, the main problem majority of us face out there waiting for the green lights. Here’s the truth: There are no green lights.

Your ability to be sexually assertive is going to determine if you end up with many female friends or girlfriends. This skillset is also going save you a lot of time and increase your results.

Your inability to be physically dominant even if she has given you all the clear signs is going to bleed through your interactions. She’ll be able to intuitively feel if you’re not really what you make up yourself to be. It’s going to come off in that slight hesitation.

Lastly, she’ll never assume the responsibility of moving the interaction forward. In my six years of pursuing girls, it has rarely happened. You have to be the one that puts your arm around her shoulders. You have to be the one that puts that arm around her waist. You have to be the one that takes her hand and pull her to the dance floor. You have to be the one that turns her around to face you on the dance floor. You have to be the one that has to go in for th

Mar 04

How to Tease a Girl – Even if You’re Not Naturally Funny

By Marcus Neo | Dating Advice for Men

Learning how to tease a girl is an effective strategy to take your interactions from a social one to a romantic or sexual one. It’s a necessary skillset of modern dating. If you want to be competent in your dating life, learning how to tease a girl is a key skill. The reason why teasing is effective is because it implies a kindred bond between you and her. Old friends tease each other all the time. Teasing be ‘offensive’, but it also implies a bond between two people. Teasing done right is demonstrating your intentions without out rightly saying it. Teasing also adds in sexual polarity your romantic interaction.

Taking care of yourself, dressing well and demonstrating direct interest to girls can yield you results. However, it is not going to take you all the way. From personal experience, many women aren’t ready or able to receive direct compliments or direct romantic interest. They may even feel awkward if you express interest directly. This is why teasing and making jokes helps ease the interaction.

Furthermore, teasing done right, can demonstrates that you’re ‘of equal or higher’ social value than her. It sets a romantic precedent in the interaction. You aren’t just being a funny individual, you’re setting a precedent a potential romantic outcome in your interaction.

How to Tease a Girl: Understanding Push Pull

90% of teases are going to end up in a category of ‘push and pull’. The push-pull dynamic is a term coined by the pick up artist community to describe a commonly used technique of flirting. If you understand push pull, you understand 90% of the art of teasing. The push pull dynamic sends mixed signals, intentions and creates sexual tension.

  • Push

The push is when you ‘push a girl away’ with a tease or a something negatively playful. For a push to work, you got to do it in a tongue in cheek style.

Here’s an example of a push:

‘That’s kind of annoying. We’re totally not going to get a long’

  • Pull

The ‘pull’ is when you say something that pulls her back in to soften the push. It’s normally done after a ‘push’. This creates an “I love you, I hate you dynamic” which is girls find fun and arousing. There’s research that suggest that mixed signals build sexual tension.

If a girl I’m out on a date with says something smart, I could say: “You’re kind of a huge nerd. However, being smart is kind of cute.” There’s a push and the pull in one sentence. I’m teasing her for being nerd and saying it’s a good thing.

If you’re interested, I did an in-depth article on the push pull dynamic.

How to Tease without Insulting Her

Teasing done right, isn’t done to get a reaction from the girl. Teases should be done in a tongue in cheek manner… also in way that it subtlety demonstrates interest. Teasing is NOT about using it as a ‘technique’ or a ‘line’. When a tease is done right, she’ll laugh, hit you on the arms or give you a slightly shocked looked.

Teasing should be done right at the right time. For example, if you sense that your interaction with her is getting a little dry, you can add some teases to spice things up. If you feel that she’s not comfortable with you, perhaps she doesn’t feel special enough. You should stop teasing her and ease up a little.

There was this one approach with a Korean girl at the club. I approached her with a direct approach. I held her cheeks in my hands and leaned in as if to examine her face. She seemed interested until the point where I threw in a disqualification.

“You look like my younger little sister”.

Her face changed immediately and she signalled her friend to walk away. In this case, I wasn’t congruent with my direct approach, where I approached her expressing interest directly. Teasing has it’s right time and place in any situation.

Secondly, only teasing in the interaction may make it seem that you’re only interested in insulting her. It also demonstrates that you’re actually afraid of show your interest for her and that you’re using teases as a way to means cover up your lack of confidence.

4 Examples of How to Tease a Girl You Can Use Today

  • Role Playing

Role playing is assuming imaginary roles between you and her and creating interesting scenarios out of it. Roleplaying is one of my favourite go to. The one I used to milk the hell out of is the husband and wife role play:

“We’re getting divorced, you’re keeping the kids, I get the TV and the music”

Other role plays dynamics can be girlfriend boyfriend dynamic, the crazy ex girlfriend, teacher and student and anything can imply a potentially romantic/ sexual interaction. You can also call back to the same role play time to time throughout your time spent with her.

  • Stereotypes

Stereotypes are fun to play with. You can play around with common cultural narratives and jokes that are unique to your culture.

In Singapore (my home country), there’s a stereotype known as the ‘ah lian’. If a girl is ah lian, it means she’s outspoken and unkempt. I used to milk this stereotype. Stereotype styled jokes are culture and country specific. If you’re traveling to a new culture, it may be difficult for you to implement. I only suggest this method in a culture you are familiar with.

Here a one size fits all solution:

“I have this idea that everyone from [her country] is [borderline racist stereotype].”

There are more universal stereotypes that you can tease her from observations. If a girl is wearing spectacles and like to read, you can tease her about being nerdy. If she studying mass communication/ law/ political science or whatever, you can tease her about being an intellectual snob.

  • Embarrassing Physical or Personality Trait

This type of teases are usually delivered through an observation about an embarrassing physical or personal trait in her. Even if you’re just guessing and she doesn’t actually display that trait. If she does something clumsy, or loud, or attention-seeking. You can tie the behaviour to a children’s character, or an immature youth and expand on it to ridiculous proportions.

This style of teasing is mostly done situationally.

You can use conversational jump off points about her job or about her current mood and link it back to something childish. This should also be done positively, and not negatively. That’s the difference between a tease and an insult.

The sensible and irresponsible dynamic:

 “You are the sensible one, aren’t you? She’s always having dumb ideas and you have to make the decisions before everything goes disastrously wrong.”

The bad girl good girl dynamic:

“You’re a bad girl. She’s a nice girl – I can see it in her eyes. You are trouble. I don’t trust you. My mother warned me to stay away from girls like you.”

“You’re the older sister, right? Always watching the baby one and keeping her out of trouble.”

  • Disqualification

Teasing can also be incorporated to disqualification. The basic idea of disqualification is to actively demonstrate to someone, that she may NOT be a right fit for you. At the start of every relationship, both parties isn’t invested in any outcome. She isn’t chasing. She hasn’t invested.

If done right, this can elicit her to start qualifying herself, value you more and maybe start chasing you a little.

To properly disqualify girls, you need to be of value first. This means you can’t be a bum and start disqualifying yourself. Only after you have built value, displayed status and demonstrated you’re a win for her. Then you can actively evaluate her.

Here are some disqualification lines you can use:

‘You seem… interesting…’
‘You have the silliest/ most adorable expressions’
‘Your trouble’
‘You and I are so not going to get along’
‘You’re actually kind of cute’
‘You would make a great girlfriend/ wife if you weren’t so X’
‘You’ll never get into my pants if you keep doing that’

They all subtly say: I’m interested but I’m not quite sold yet, you got to show me more. I’m also screening and judging you if you are a right fit in my life. Through disqualifying yourself as a potential partner, you send ambiguous signals. 

Ideally, a ‘gap’ is created between you and her and gets her to think ‘Who the hell is he? I’m hot, however, this guy doesn’t seem to want to get with me. Why is that so?’

It’s puts in her head: ‘am I not good enough?’

  • The Call Back Humor Styled Tease

Lastly, I enjoy using call back humour styled tease because it’s reusable and it relies on free association and improv skills. For example, early on in the interaction, you teased her about being nerdy. From then on, for every ‘mistake’ or ‘foolish’ action she does, you can call back to the tease of her being nerdy and relate the action to that.

In my experience, you can milk the initial tease a couple more times. However, she may start getting insulted if you bring it too far.

How to Incorporate Teasing to Touching and Touching

Just teasing a girl with words isn’t enough. There’s nothing inherently wrong with the push and pull style of flirting, childish teases and coming up with role plays. However, these strategies can become repetitive and boring. If you’re over reliant on teasing her, then you’re going end up with a lot laughs and a weird physical void. Sexual tension is never really reliant just on words.

You’ll need to add physicality at some point of the interaction or she’ll sense that you’re just masking your confidence with clever lines. Note: The more attractive you become, the more girls to expect you to lead the interaction.

However, not to worry, to incorporate your teases with touching her, it falls back the the same dynamic of push pull. For example, you can tease her saying that she’s annoyingly childish and then reel her back in with a shoulder hug or front hug. Rinse and repeat this push-pull dynamic and you’ll get a sexually charged interaction.

Here’s a sequence:

[Tease Verbally + Touch]

“You’re either the really independent type of girl or so you’re one of those pretentious bankers with that suit and tie. I’m just kidding, I really like the outfit, it has a sexy secretary look to it.” +  Shoulder Hug. 

If you’re looking for a more detailed process, you can take a look at my guide on how to touch a girl.

The push pull model remains in this process. There is a negative and positive to your words and actions. You can rinse and repeat this model in different variations during different phases your interactions and it creates sexual tension.

Closing Thoughts

Ultimately, teasing is a core skillset you need to get down to set a romantic/sexual precedent in your interactions and move your interactions forward. Girls do it, guys do it and everyone does it. It’s the way people introduce sexual polarity between each other then. 

Mar 01

How to Make a Girl Laugh – In an Attractive Manner

By Marcus Neo | Dating Advice for Men

It’s said that if you can make a woman laugh, you get her to laugh right into bed. Getting a girl to laugh isn’t a cure all to your dating woes, however, it’s a necessary social skill to build. Other than making a girl laugh, humour is also a way of make her and others feel comfortable around you.

How to Make a Girl Laugh – The Ultimate Guide

Making women laugh, at the core of it, is the the art of drawing connections between too completely unrelated ideas or objects that’s completely absurd. It’s a creative activity. There’s no math behind it. You cannot over prepare for it. It’s not something you can box or put down to an algorithm.

Your sense of humour, ability to make her laugh, tease her is dependent on your willingness to be polarizing and edgy. The thing about making women laugh and putting jokes out there is that a good percentage of of them is going to fall flat. This is unavoidable.

Some times, I get a flat silence when I mouth off something ridiculous. Other times, I get a huge laugh. It’s a social risk I’m willing to take. The rule of thumb is this: if your joke fall flats don’t try to laugh at yourself or make fun of yourself. Just act as if nothing happens and move your conversational threads forward.

Appreciating Language

The best way to learn humor to help you make a girl laugh is to appreciate language and wit.

One of the ways to study stand up comedy.  You’ll see me referencing stand up comedians for the rest of this article. I remembered when I first started reading up. I’ll stay up on Youtube to watch videos after videos of stand up comedy. I started listening to comedians like Louis Ck and Chris Rock. I also attended a couple of improvisation classes. You can find these improv classes on MeetUp.Com or just Google them. They are often affordable.

Humour Techniques, The Your Bread and Butter

There’s a good percentage of my clients that are the nice guy sort. They are good listeners, yes, however, most of them aren’t willing to assert themselves in a more edgy, polarising manner. To get good at attracting women, you need to be somewhat edgy. Teasing her can go wrong. Saying something potentially offensive may piss her off.

There’s a HUGE difference in being humorous, having a sense of humour, and teasing her. Yes, there are overlapping principles, however, the former is making jokes that she finds funny, the latter is eliciting a man to woman frame by making fun of her. The latter is more useful to elicit sexual polarity in your interactions

  • Teasing 

Teasing is when you make humorous comments that are derogatory about someone. You can tease her just about everything: about how fake her hair looks. Or how red her shoes are. Try to be creative with this. When she dresses up, you can tell her she looks like some cartoon character from some movie.

Sarcasm DOESN’T come off well in certain situations. In some cultures, women can be quite offended or don’t react well to some good-natured ribbing. This can be quite true for the Singaporean or Asian culture. It all depends on who you are with. Some girls react well to more derogatory teasing, and some girls appreciate genuine compliments. Mix it up.

For the Singaporean readers: One classic line I used to do is to associate a girl with an ‘ah lian’ but in a light hearted manner. The ‘ah lian’ is a stereotype for a girl who isn’t that intelligent who’s quite unkempt in the Singaporean context.

Teasing should be done in good fun, it should be said with a smile. The perfect tease creates a mixture of emotions in a girl: defensiveness yet happiness. An ideal reaction from her should be: ‘Oh my god, I can’t believe you just said that.’ However, she’s smiling and laughing at the same time.

Comedian to study: Russell Brand

  • Stereotypes and Cultural References

This can be practiced by studying local comedians that perform to your local audiences. Stereotypes are poked fun at almost every local comedy show. Teasing can be done along with the concept of common stereotypes. Russell Peters do a good job and racial jokes. Singaporean comedians like Kumar exploits it by going into Chinese, Malay and Indian stereotypes. One good one I often use is the good girl/ bad girl stereotypes.

  • Exaggeration

This is the safest form of humour where you joke about something outside of you and the girl. Exaggeration has to be something absurd and non-logical.

Comedian to Study: Russell Peters

  • Misdirection

The technique of misdirection is one of the most common and easiest forms of humor. Misdirection occurs when you begin to say something or tell a story which leads to the listener to believe you’re making one point, but you proceed to say something completely different.

Here’s a good example of misdirection: I use all the time is to joke with girls that I’m actually quite shy, after spending an entire evening being slightly cocky and extroverted. I’ll also insert in at a point in the interaction where it’s least expected, just for the extra effect.

Comedian to study: Craig Ferguson

The master of misinterpretations

  • Role Plays

The technique of role plays is taken right out of the pick up artist textbooks.

They are playful and can be useful to spice up a stale interaction. You can role play girlfriend/boyfriend, husband/wife, student/teacher or any potentially sexual relationship. If she’s your ‘girlfriend’, you can either break up or get together with her. If she’s your ‘wife’, you can either divorce or marry her. One other role play and a slight dis-qualifier I use these days is complain to some else that your ex girlfriend (her) is bothering you.

Role playing is fun and refreshing for a girl. Nobody ever does it.

Just like all other humour techniques, role plays should be done in context. I used to do: ‘I’ll like to adopt you as my little sister’ (as a minor disqualification). However, this rarely works for me anymore. Girls often take it in a wrong way where they’ll think I’m not interested in her.

  • Misinterpretation

Here’s one of the most useful flirting, humor techniques, misinterpretation. It’s also a commonly known technique to answer ‘shit tests’.

For example, if a girl says: ‘I’m not too sure about that shirt you are wearing?’

You can misinterpret it as: ‘I’m flattered you’re thinking about my face, but hey slow down, didn’t we just meet?’ (done with a tongue in cheek manner)

This is basically misinterpreting anything a girl says as a compliment or a sexual advancement. However, be careful not to take it too far. Use it in context.

How to Make a Girl Laugh: Subjective Humor

If your sense of humour revolves around a darker or intellectual form of humour, not everyone is going to get it. My sense of humour revolves around sarcasm, word puns and dark humour. Like making fun of dead babies, that sort. I’ve also rubbed people the wrong way.

Wordplays, puns, sarcasm and swearing falls under the category of subjective humor. They aren’t for everybody. However, if you find a girl that can connect you on such humor, then you’re may be hitting the lottery ticket.

  • Wordplay and Puns

Wordplay is similar to misdirection. However, wordplay practices misdirection by using words that have different meanings.

Girl: ‘Stop being so mean Marcus.’
Me: ‘Stop calling me average.’

Puns and wordplays are even a rarer form of appreciated humour than sarcasm. They tend to be intellectual in nature. You’ll find a small demographic of women who’ll appreciate them.

  • Sarcasm

Sarcasm is a darker form of humor than teasing and it doesn’t really work well with most of the girls. This is especially true with Asian women. Asian culture is a lot more reserved and sensitive. The majority of women won’t get sarcastic humor. It may be misconstrued as being serious and get confused. Sarcasm, in my experience, gets even worst on text. However, you’ll get the rare one or two woman that understands sarcasm and she’ll love you for it.

  • Role of Swearing

Inserting a ‘fuck’ in your jokes can give you cheap laughs. I use it quite a bit during my teenage years and it has given me lots of laughs and weird stares simultaneously.

Swear words can be used sparingly if there’s a right delivery and you know that the person that you’re communicating to is cool with little swear words here and there. With that being said, it’s uncool to just based your conversations with too many swear words. It can show that you have a limited vocabulary.

Dropping an F-bomb in an already well timed joke can make the joke even funnier. However, dropping an F-Bomb in everything you say can make you come off as unsophisticated.

Side note: Swearing should be used minimally in Asian situations. (especially when there is elder family around.)

Example: Joe Rogan

  • Self Deprecating Humor

There’s a form humour called self deprecating humour. It’s the art of making jokes at yourself. There’s a popular argument if someone that can laugh at himself and the world conveys a high level of confidence. He isn’t taking things too seriously or himself too seriously. He’s not really concerned about someone else’s perception of him. Compare this to someone who’s very serious and unable to laugh at himself or the world. This conveys that he is over invested in what others think of him and therefore is not confident.

Louis CK is hilarious but not in a sexy way.

I started off learning humor by studying Louis Ck. His style is humorous for him because he’s overweight and balding. However, despite being humourous, he’s not the kind the guy that women want to go home with. This is why for beginners, if you’re making fun of yourself and putting yourself down to get a laugh, you’ll come off as unconfident. You’ll need to be aware based on context. If you’re going out with a girl who’s really shy around you. Putting yourself down and laughing at yourself can help her loosen up and open up.

How to Practice: Frame, Playfulness, Timing & Expression

Okay, knowing jokes or the lines isn’t enough. There’s an art to telling jokes, teasing a girl or dropping an F-bomb. You need to pay attention to delivery, timing and facial expressions. These techniques unfortunately, can’t be taught through words.

Russell Brand, one of the all time best with wit and language.

The best way to learn this is to watch stand up comedians and watch their stand up routines. Take note of how they interact with the audience, their style of humor, their routines, how they tell a story and how they nail a punchline. Take note of how they time their jokes, their delivery and facial expressions when they make a joke.

One single sentence can be interpreted in multiple ways depending on you say it, deliver it. There are also often multiple meanings to words. This is known as innuendos. If you get good at timing, delivery, tonality and facial expressions, you can use plain English to say something in a sexual manner. “I like beach walks that are long, wet and hard”.

Humor isn’t to be studied logically like a Math exam. Humor is to be experienced creatively. If you are teasing her, it should be done with a smile, with a grin and with tongue in cheek. You don’t go up to her and ‘execute the humor’. Making women laugh is a creative skillset that relies on free association. The better you can freely associate any social situation, the better tou get.

Using Humour to Bring Up Sex

One of the best ways to use humor isn’t to make her laugh, but to bring up sex in the conversation. If anything at all, the best use of humor is to use it to escalate physically with a girl. Openly talking about sex is a taboo topic in many cultures and many are uncomfortable to talk about it. However, if you bring humour into sex, then it’s a lot more acceptable.

Humor is commonly used by comedians to criticize sensitive issues or individuals in politics, as opposed to an outright assertion (that’ll get you sued). This is the same for sex. If it’s funny, you’re not being creepy.

To take your interaction to a more sexual frame, using humour to bring up sex can grease the wheels. It’s likely to get away with a controversial topic when it is funny.

Humor in Westernized Cultures as Compared to Asian Culture

The form of humor that works in an Asian dating culture is a lot different from the Westernized culture. In general, I find dark humour a lot more accepted in Western cultures. Not everyone responds well a darker sense of humour.

I’ll also stay away from religious jokes in most cultures. To give an example, the Singaporean culture has an interesting mix of a myriad of races and religion living cohesively. It’s safe to say that you should avoid jokes that are sensitive to religion.

The best method is to train yourself to be universally funny. That is: humor that is relatable to all people, regardless of culture. Louis Ck does a good job at this within certain themes. He’s able to express the nuances of humanity in a humorous way.

Caveat: Louis Ck has a self-depreciating style of humor that doesn’t suit well for many personalities (including mine). Girls ultimately desire a confident man that don’t poke fun at himself just to get laughs.

Being Funny as Cure all in Getting Girls?

Finally, your sense of humour and your ability to make a girl laugh isn’t a cure all for your problems for attracting women. If she’s smiling and laugh, your jokes must be working right? That’s a pitfall that I fell into for a period of time.

If you over rely on their ability to make a girl laugh, you’ll end up as the dancing monkey or the ‘entertainer’ constantly seeking laughs from girls. You might find yourself over reliant on quick wit and jokes to avoid asserting yourself romantically or sexually.

In general, if you’re able to to crack a joke or two, then humour isn’t your main problem. If she’s laughing but your interactions seem to go nowhere, then your problem is being sexually assertive with her.