There are different stages of the average person’s growth stages into the social arts when it comes to success with women.
The stages are the beginner, intermediate and the advanced. The majority graduate nicely at the intermediate stage, getting a girlfriend and settling down into a long term relationship. The majority don’t graduate to advanced. Getting advance is difficult, and requires years of commitment, and a slight obsession.
This is the guy who just picked up the book: The Game. He’s fascinated by the possibilities and theories that ‘The Game’ offers. He think she sees the matrix. He starts paying attention to the body language of others, and tries out some techniques recommended by classic PUA literature such as negs, push-pull and hand spins. The beginner is always about doing, doing and chasing. It’s as if he has got to earn your way into the vagina.
He’s the guy testing things out. There’s also an expectation for results. He’ll sleep with just about any girl, and he’ll take anything. The beginner stage usually last 2-3 years, where it’s all fun and games.
However, you’re still not emotionally satisfied. You might even end up depressed, with the objectification of your social and emotional lives. You realise that you have been using pick up to avoid the real issues. The emotional issues. You’re still extremely sensitive to rejection or criticism. You finally realise that pick up isn’t enough, there has to be a deeper layer of growth.
Some people never graduate from being beginners. They just don’t put in the effort to take action. They don’t change anything about themselves: their dressing, their specs that Mum bought them half a decade ago, their lifestyle and their nutrition. They also buy into unrealistic pick up artist ideologies that are marketed out there. You also often hear these guys go on about ‘state’. Yet at the same time, they come out poorly dressed, with poor communication skills.
The intermediate is the guy that has some results. He also realizes there’s more to techniques and lines. He starts reading up about nutrition, popular psychology, self help material, personal fiannce finance and entry level books.
Instead of running around like a headless chicken in the club, he’s able to approach mostly when he desires to, and he’s able to lean back and let the girl invest into him. He’s also aware of his own boundaries and values, often known as the screening mindset in pick up literature. However, It’s not about tricks and games to him, but desires and values.
He pushes interactions not based on the girls reaction, but based on his desires and values. He realises that polarizing the interaction is more important than sitting on the middle of the fence. Where he knows no victory or defeat. He also has a solid understanding of emotional intelligence, body language, and how to overcome anxiety.
He’s also starting to graduate from picking up girls for the purpose of results, to going for the girls he’s genuinely attracted to. He also starts working on his lifestyle, nutrition, and personal dress sense. He starts building social circles, surrounding himself with good people, and starts directing his life towards a life purpose that he genuinely gives a fuck about.
He might also find himself in a position where he’s unsure about himself. He might be rubbing against his emotional truths. Truths that he has suppressed for decades. Perhaps it comes from an absent father, an overbearing mother, or the death of his ex-girlfriend. He realizes that for genuine happiness to occur, these issues have to be sorted out.
It’s no longer about ‘Game’. It’s about self knowledge and self mastery.
The intermediate has what many deem as: ‘natural game’. You can tell he’s a lot more grounded in his reality. He’s able to adjust and calibrate in social situations. When a girl comes along that takes an interest in him, he’s able to maximise a potential romantic, social or sexual opportunity.
The majority of people that come into pick up graduate here. The intermediate, mostly is able to get a plain Jane to love him. He might settle down for a long term relationship and focus on other aspects of life. There’s nothing wrong with this. It’s perfectly fine and normal. Furthermore, research shows that people in long term relationships feel happier and more supported than the ones that don’t.
Not everyone come into this to date multiple women.
The ones that don’t graduate and seek to become ‘advanced’ here are the ones relish in a thrill in chase for more. It’s about pushing the envelope. It’s about becoming the player, the Casanova. They are always chasing hotter girls, a variety of experiences, different cultures, different girls, all in the name of ‘self development’.
Escaping Intermediate Purgatory: From Intermediate to Advanced
Finally, you get the advanced. The advanced usually takes a good decade of mastery. He has it all down. He has the finances, the nutrition, the life purpose, the communications skills and fearless ability to spark a social interaction he desires.
There are many different forms of the advanced lifestyle. However, the common thread is that the advanced has his life purpose down. It might come in the form of being a financial powerhouse, it might come in the form of being a top athlete, it might come in the form of dedicating years and years into understanding the social arts.
He’s highly socially intelligent. He understands the nuances of social politics. He’s a natural social leader, and people around him naturally look to him for direction and advice. He has curated a social lifestyle that he’s proud of. One that he’s able to rely on for both emotional and intellectual support. He has surrounded himself with people that supports him, and otherwise.
He’s also able to approach a girl with ease, push an interaction with ease. He’s perfectly fine with rejection. He has core confidence. If you pull him out of his natural setting, and put him in a new culture and country, he’s able to generate social results, given time and effort. He understands that no matter the country or culture, sexual attraction is psychological and biological.
The advanced doesn’t even think about ‘game’. It’s already who he is. He’s built a deep understanding of his own psyche that ‘game’ doesn’t really come into his mind. His mental space is spent on his own personal projects and pursuits, and he has a deep trust that he’ll be alright with whoever and whatever that may come his way.
The majority of people that come into this don’t get to advance. This requires hundreds and thousands of failed approaches, nights and social situations. The only ones that get here are the ones determined to make success with women a central aspect of their lives. However, I’m not judging, everyone makes their own choices in life.
It’s not uncommon for levels to overlap. Some guys might be really good at approaching, pushing the interaction, but are deadbeat in their lifestyles. Some guys have really good lifestyles, but can’t land a date for nuts.
It’s not uncommon for someone to drop levels due to a drastic life event, or a change in values. If you’re changing career, expect yourself to feel more than a little jittery about yourself.
Most of the guys I met when I started on this journey have settled into long term relationships. They also spend the bulk of their time on other aspects of life. They are ‘intermediate’ and probably won’t have much of a problem getting back up on their feet if their relationship fails.
There’s a good portion guys that I met in the pick up artist community that are stuck at deadbeat beginners. They don’t dress well and coming from ineffective pick up strategies such as mass approaching in the club and agonizing over ‘state’. They still think social interactions are something that can be solved and objectified, never bothering to engage with their emotions.
Lastly, I don’t see much advanced guys in general. Or perhaps I haven’t met any. It’s not surprising, it’s difficult to reach the stages advanced and mastery. It takes years and repeated investment into the dating arts.