There are so many subtle differences that make a huge difference in results in your social interactions especially when it comes to cold approaching girls in nights clubs or day time situations.
Everyone is obsessed with tactics: Try this, do that. Say this line, say that line. No one is observing the fundamental principles of how cold interactions works. They change their sentences, change their words and they still find themselves blown out from interactions week after week, month after month.
There are BENCHMARKS you need to be able to achieve in your cold interactions with women BEFORE you are able you progress on the more advanced concepts. If you aren’t getting this, you can forget about ‘state’, ‘qualification’, ‘push-pull’ and all those more advanced flirting strategies.
Bench Mark: You aren’t Staying in a Social Interaction Longer than Half a Minute
The rule of thumb is this: IF you are able to hold a conversation and staying a social interaction for longer than a minute, you’re approaching correctly. If you are getting blown out interaction after interaction, then you’re not approaching with the right intentions.
Girls are really intuitive human beings, your body language, your intentions will give you off. The way you look at her, how your head jerks slightly to the right when you try to crack a joke.
It’s something I also noticed that when I’m not serious about approaching properly. There are times I run around the club like a headless chicken approaching people, girls and just about everyone. I was relying on ‘flash game’ and on ‘state’ and not approaching from a place of effectiveness. It’s an outlandish behaviour. Needless to say, I got blown out and rejected repeatedly.
I notice this amongst a good portion of the pick up artist community. They are using techniques like ‘The Claw’, spinning girls off the approach and outlandish behaviours they got from Youtube videos produced by dating companies. I’m sure those instructors are good, however, they are only showing the tiny fraction of the interaction. They are also showing these flashy techniques for marketing purposes.
It rarely works, and it rarely works when approaching girls in a conservative culture like Singapore.
It’s much much better (and normal) to just walk up and say Hi with a smile.
For the following reasons:
- She’s getting approached by a random stranger.
- She has no idea how to deal with the interaction socially and logically
- Even if she wants to talk to you, she’s afraid of what her friends around her might think
If you can’t even get a girl to stop and speaking to you for half a minute in the club or outside the club, then don’t even bother about all the other techniques. You need to look at your body language, your dress sense, your vocal tonality and most of all, your FUCKING INTENTIONS!
- Stop Doing ‘Pick Up’ and Be Normal
On one of the nights, I debated with a good friend on the way he approaches a girl in the club. I felt it was in-effective. He basically approached by sticking his hand out, palm upwards and seeing if the girl takes his hand.
I told him it doesn’t work as it’s quite a big commitment for the girl to take your hand right from the approach. This is especially so if she’s with her friends.
He wasn’t really happy that I told him that and we ended up going on an approach rampage to see if which of our approaches are better. Needless to say, if your intentions are off, you’re not going to get good results. Both of us were blown out interaction after interaction.
Well, I was doing it to impress another friend as a competition. I had the wrong intentions. I reflected, and told myself, alright, you’re going to approach the next girl just because you’re genuinely INTERESTED in her.
Boom, my next two interactions went well.
What’s motivating your behaviour is equally as important as the behaviour itself.
- When She Stops and Talk to You
It’s only when she doesn’t blow you out or give you a weird stare, where she smiles and tells you her name then can start focusing on the other techniques, which is taking chare and leading the interaction.
Only, now is when you start talking to her friends, both male and female and start creating something out of the interaction. It can mean cold reading, teasing, complimenting, asking her questions, making statements, flirting with her physically, winning the influence of her friends, getting them to another venue, moving them to the dance floor and etc.
How Effective are You?
I hate measuring results, especially so in social interactions.
However, if you aren’t getting results then it’s time to put some metrics into action. How long are you staying in an interaction? Is she smiling at you? What does her body language say?
You should also take a look at your friends around you, take note of the guys getting results and take note of the guys that aren’t getting results.
You can then learn what NOT to do for the guys that aren’t getting any results and you can learn what to from the guys who aren’t getting results. This can be applied across all fields in life. It can be as micro studying and learning from someone who is able to stay longer in a cold interaction than you are, all the way to really getting whole your financial life handled.
Recently, I asked a friend who is getting blown out week after week in night clubs if he wanted some advice that can help him out with his interactions. This was after he has observed me approaching, staying in the interaction for well over ten minutes, making her laugh, winning over her friend and hugging her right there and then.
He still said no. He still went on using his same approach. Well, let’s just say education isn’t enough. This is why these days, I shut my mouth. If he wants my advice, then he’ll have engage me as a dating coach and pay for it.
Ultimately, if you’re approaching girls like a headless chicken and not getting any real results, then it’s time take a step back and look at what’s wrong with your approaches.