It’s researched that the first impression will determine your perception of someone new you meet for a period of time. I’ll paraphrase that and argue that the first date sets the dynamic of your relationship between you and her for future dates. In my experience, if you’re not getting anywhere with her from the first to third date, it’s highly likely that nothing is going to happen.
If she’s attracted to you and you don’t act upon it, she’s going lose that attraction really quickly.
The Ultimate Guide to Your First Date
One of the core principles of seduction is physical intimacy. In general, forget the movies or fancy dinner dates. They’re un-interactive and don’t introduce any physical intimacy. In movies, you are sitting beside her and both of you are facing the screen. If you’re at a fancy restaurant, you’ll end up sitting across her, facing her as if you’re going for an interview. The problem with fancy dinners dates is that they’re also costly. Not to mention it’s really boring to sit across someone and talk for 2 hours.
It’s recommended not to do lunch dates. Nothing spells friend zone more like lunch dates. You should plan dates for the evening to generate more expectation. Oh yeah, a date out with her friends is NOT a date.
Secondly, you want your dates to be efficient. Not all dates are going to lead to sex. You’re also not going to enjoy every single date and not every girl is going to be into you. You got to be airtight about your time. If you’re just not into her or she’s not showing any interest in you, feel free to walk off and end the date right there and then. That’s a form of strong boundaries.
Keep your first dates cheap, light-hearted and low in investment. This saves you money and alleviates pressure from her. Contrary to popular belief, girls don’t like romantic and expensive dinners for first dates. (Read: gold diggers are an exception.)
Your First Date
- Start with Coffee
When asking a girl out, I normally arrange a coffee date with her. It’s light, low pressure and informal. Going for coffee in a public place is a low investment on her end as well. If you’re a creep, she’s free to excuse herself since it’s a public area. If she doesn’t turn out like her Tinder profile, your investment is a mere coffee. You’re also free to excuse yourself.
You should also choose a neutral location between your place and hers. This way, she’ll be investing time and effort to travel to meet you. One of the concepts I learned from my an ex-mentor, a dating coach himself, is to get her to invest time, money and effort.
Psychological research shows that people value things more when invest time, money and effort. This can be as simple as meeting her midway instead of driving to pick her up. Or as simple as going dutch on the first date.
Planning Out the Route to From Date to Sex
It’s rare that I actually spend 4-5 hours drinking coffee getting to know her as a person. You’re required to plan for at least three activities. You should start your date at around 6 pm. You want to be peaking together at around 10 pm or 11 pm. The key is to give her the “I need to go home, but I don’t want to yet” feeling.
The classic rule is to take her to different date locations. Psychology suggests that if you’re the only constant among multiple locations, she’s more likely to be more comfortable with you. However, you can’t be bouncing around aimlessly, you need to progress your date closer to yours. This requires you to be spontaneous and armed with knowledge about your surroundings and your city.
Here’s a common date plan I use:
- Meet her midway for coffee at Starbucks
- Do something fun: walk in the parks, walks by the beach, visiting the bookstore or get her to join you in one of your hobbies
- Grab drinks at a bar near your place
- Find an excuse for her to come to your place
These are ideas that I’ve re-used tens of times during my days as a pick up artist. These dates are not only low cost, but also allow you to introduce the element of physical flirtation as you’re both doing something together.
So how do you choose the right locations to take her out to? You can make a guess on her personality. The hippies are going to be comfortable with cafes and music events. The more adventurous and sporty ones will prefer the outdoors. The shopaholics will prefer, ahem, the shopping malls.
First dates are also great opportunities to expand your identity and interests. Interested in singing? Invite her to karaoke sessions. Interested in martial arts? Sign up with her for a trial class at a Muay Thai gym.
When you’re moving about walking beside each other, it’s easier to punctuate your conversations with physical touches. You can walk, chat, poke fun at her when she says something cute.
Ideally, you should be flirting with her physically right from the get-go. You should be introducing physical elements in your conversations and punctuating your sentences with light touches. This can include teasing her, then pulling her back in and saying that you’re merely kidding.
Secondly, if your sitting arrangement allows you to, you should position yourself to sit BESIDE her, not across her. These little details make a huge difference.
Either that, just stand up and plant yourself beside her. It might seem awkward, however, I’ve done that tens of times. Remember, girls, desire to be desired, being physical with her fast is going to differentiate your results from a lot of dates to a lot of ex-girlfriends.
- Dinner? Yes or No?
I’m not saying 100% no to dinner dates. Honestly, the majority of my first dates have the dinner element to it. However, I’m saying a NO to romantic, expensive, high expectations type of dinner dates: the ones where you roll up in your father’s Mercedes Benz to some fancy restaurant and pretend to understand the menu.
Who Pays on the First Date?
On first dates, it’s culturally expected for males to pay.
When I started out, I went on dates with women who were earning a much higher income than me. In Singapore, males start drawing an income later than girls as they’ve got 2 years of national service. In my experience, the girls I’ve been on dates with generally don’t mind going dutch.
I normally make it a team effort, I’ll pay first and then I’ll get her to buy me drinks or later. The key is not to make the paying situation too awkward. Take charge of the interaction and lead.
If you’re earning an income much higher than her, it’ll make a lot more sense for you to pay for her. There’s no need to be uptight and stingy if you’re earning a good living.
However, it’s said that there’s an intrinsic sense of chivalry that women enjoy that makes them feel feminine and sexy when you pay for them. After all, one of the primary psychological need in female attraction is security. Taking care of them and paying for them lends itself to that.
How to Take Her Home on The First Date
If your date goes well, you’ll want to take it to a more private location. I recommend parks and beaches. If you’re lucky, you can find a bar by the beach. These locations are great for intimacy and privacy. You can simply say you know an awesome bar near yours, grab her hand and get her into the cab. Remember, lead, lead and always lead. Choose a park that’s near your place. It can be playgrounds or small parks. Those are great excuses to get her nearer to your house.
If you’re not making out with her and holding hands with her at this point of your date, you’re highly likely unable to get her back to yours. If you are, then good, now you need an excuse to get her yours.
There’s no need for any fancy excuse. I used to put girls in my car and drive to mine without saying anything. These days, I simply say: let’s chill at mine.
The point is to not make her feel like a slut. Take the pressure off her. You can also introduce some ideas: tell her not to mess up your room. Tell her that she’s privileged to be in your room. Tell her that if she stays over she’s sleeping on the floor and you’re the one who’s sleeping on the bed. These narratives take the pressure off her and make her feel less of a slut.
When you’re finally back at yours, you need to get her to feel comfortable. Get her to play your guitar, box her around with your boxing gloves and keep it light-hearted and playful. When a girl is at my place, I treat her like a little sister that I never had. You can then slowly start being physically intimate with her. If she resists your advances, take a step back and empathise with her.
If you and her start kissing and there’s a bedroom involved, the rest is usually history. This usually happens on the first to the third date. From my experience, if you’re not at the final base by the third date, she’s either not looking/willing for casual sex or she has different values about pre-relationship sex.