Ever wondered why women don’t like you despite all the dating advice you tried? Maybe you even tried pick up lines or techniques and it all fell flat in your face.
Here’s some tough love: you may be using dating advice itself to avoid the real issues: your neediness, your ego and your fear of rejection.
Some people derived their self worth through trying to chase as many women as much as possible. They are trying to fill a gaping hope within themselves through the pursuit of body count. This can play out in the form of: material success, academic success or whatever forms of success. I’m no different either. I did it for years. It was one of the reason why I got into the dating advice industry.
It’s over lack of acceptance and willingness to deal with our core issues that leads us to a karmic loop chasing the next shiny object. You may spend years chasing tactics and strategies, without understanding the fundamentals. You’ll automatically pick out information that promises you that quick win, that magic bullet.
This is similar to attracting women using lines and routines without putting in the real work. If you’re working hard to avoid failure and rejection, you’re still doing it wrong. You may be approaching a hundred girls a day, however, you’re approaching them from a standpoint of lines and routines, you may just be working hard to avoid true failure and rejection.
You may read hundreds of dating advice blogs like this one, and you’re barely putting yourself out there to risk failure and rejection, you’re still doing it wrong.
It’s only when you accept where you’re at and that you’re going to face failure and rub against your insecurities in whatever you do is inevitable, that you’ll find yourself in a better position for progress.
If you aren’t going out on dates or are still at 30 year old virgin, then your methods aren’t working period. It’s time to measure your results. You can’t be a successful business owner without a business that provides you with cashflow. You can’t be a successful blogger without website traffic.
My ego got to me after a couple of dating successes: I saw myself as an extremely attractive persona… truth is… I’m not, and am just like every other guy: worried about the same things.
It’s also realising that no matter how many dates or experiences I’ve had over the years; It doesn’t mean that I don’t have the put in the leg work for the next girl I’m going out on a date with, or that I don’t have to be consciously work on my core issues or beliefs.
Self awareness is like an onion that you constantly peel the layers of, and it gets more painful whenever you get closer to the core. You form higher order habits to better handle these anxieties and insecurities, however, at the end of the day, you have to go back to the core and deal with them face on.
If you started out thinking: if I read this pick up artist material, I would now be able to sleep with hot girls and be happy.
Modern culture often gets us thinking that there’s a destination to get to, this result, that result, then this job, then that promotion and then one day, we’ll get ‘there’ and it’ll all be awesome. If we got the high paying job, we’ll finally be able to land the hot girl. If you get the Ferrari, finally people will respect us.
Great, you got that down, however, now you’re exposed to a different set of problems: long term relationships and connecting with your deeper values. Life is a process and there’s no completion. Our problems just get more complicated.
In the book: The Way of the Superior Man, David Deida suggests that your life purpose is connected to your masculinity: your non-neediness, and how dating success is merely side effect of an engaged life. You’ll need to find something more important than your dating life.
How many of you project your lack self-worth onto the girls you talk to or date? How many of you walk into a Friday night date, a sales meeting or even wake up in the morning subtlety telling yourself that outcome you desire cannot be achieved?
I know I have, along with hundreds of men every single day of their life. You’ve already lost the battle before it even started.
Here’s my point:
The majority of us start off believing that we’re only able to date a girl up to a certain calibre. Pay attention to cultural narratives that influenced you. Your beliefs on what you consciously/unconsciously believe you deserve. They may be formed through years of social feedback, your upbringing and environment.
Sometimes the hardest thing to recognise is that you are already good enough. If you go to the gym, take care of yourself, read nerdy self-improvement blogs like this… you’re already enough. It’s just that sometimes, we don’t give ourselves enough credit.
Have you ever wondered why assholes always ‘finish first’? That’s because these ‘assholes’ decided far ahead of time that they are going to win, despite the cost. They are hard closers. They are able and willing to piss off and step over others to get what they want.
They are selfish in that sense. From an evolutionary standpoint, it’s advantageous to a woman to mate with someone who is willing to step over others to accumulate resources. (Read: Over generalizing here I know, but you get my point.)
Look, attracting women IS a selfish endeavour. Firstly, recognize that. Secondly, put yourself first and decide to win. I’m not saying that you need to be an asshole, I’m just saying that you need to make a clear decision to win.